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Ginger_SM's picture

I need to stop letting BMs nonsense bother me but it is so hard sometimes. There was an article titled is someone you know the human version of cramps and my mind immediately went to BM. It is even worse because she has a very common name and whenever I see it I cringe. 

Anyways, today's nonsense includes getting a message from my sister saying that her daughter was face timing with OSD, which they do frequently because they get along really well, and BM was asking OSD a ton of questions about my sister like is she married, how old is she and where she lives.  As well as asking where I work and why we don't take the girls there during the summer while we work. 

  Now I know these are essentially just dumb little questions but literally none of it is her business. We would drop the girls off there in the summer if it didn't add such a long time to our commutes daily. Plus they are only there every other week with my sister. Not always plausible and it just makes it more irritating because she literally would leave the girls home alone if she didn't work from home and her deadbeat husband didn't only work weekends. 


tog redux's picture

You said it in your first sentence - stop letting her bother you. Nothing she's asking is really that far out of bounds and you can't control it, anyway. 

One of the best things I learned to do here on this site, was to stop giving BM so much power to affect my happiness.

Ginger_SM's picture

My niece doesn't really know any of that and my sister definitely wouldn't say anything. My sister was weirded out that she was asking all that stuff about her which is why she told me. 

From what I was told OSD didn't really divulge any information. I'm just bothered because that's my family and she does not need to know anything about them. We don't ask about her or her husbands family and if we do we sure don't rapid fire them at either of the girls. I don't really pry about BMs family anyways.

snics19's picture

I'm the same! Everytime I hear my SD BM name I just think 'yuck' to top it off my son is dating a girl with the same name as my SD's BM. I just dispise  BM, wish I could be better about it and not let her get to me.

MommyT's picture

I have a tendency of letting BM bother me too. I will admit to a few tantrums on my parent because I was just done dealing with her. Venting is a really good way of letting go of all your emotions. Sometimes I can’t vent online because I don’t like the comments and I just want someone to tel me that everything will be alright. Usually, the person I go to is my mom but I have recently started journaling my feelings and at the end I write a positive comment about myself. It bothers you because you care and that is a good thing but letting BM get to you is not healthy for you or your family. 

marblefawn's picture

Read this with an open mind...

You don't know that the questions were asked "rapid fire." You don't know how casually BM was asking. You don't know the tone, you don't know if BM was even paying attention when the kid answered her questions.

But more importantly, you are the woman raising her child in her absence. Your sister is also playing a role in raising her child, as are others in your family. I don't think wondering where you work is such a probing question -- people you first meet ask that all the time. Her questions are about what a parent should know when considering whether they should let their kid sleep over at another family's house.

I think the questions bother you because you of who she is and what she might do with the info. I get it. That would bother me too. (I also cringe when I hear my SD's name, so I understand how DONE you are when you get to that point.) But because of the nature of your relationship, you also can't expect her to have no interest or no legitimate reason for asking anything about you. You're with her ex, so OF COURSE SHE WANTS TO KNOW AS MUCH AS SHE CAN, and maybe she doesn't deserve to know it just because of that. But you're raising her kid, so she should wonder about you and others you're exposing her kid to.

If nothing else, she probably doesn't love that all her business is out there for you to know too, but that's part of having kids who learn how to talk. Or look at it like this: she might be a little jealous of you; she might feel competition, especially if her kids talk about you to her or say anything nice about you to her. Imagine how shaken her confidence is if her kids come home raving about something they did with you. That must sting a little.

There are so many things to worry about, don't let this be one of them.

MommyT's picture

DH’s CO says that he must share his work and personal info, not mine l. Ss who was like 5 at the time, once told BM where I worked. Next thing I know the cops show up because she accused me of stalking her. Then she tried to have a temporary restraining order given to me while at work. It was embarrassing and degrading and none of it was true. The judge literally laughed at BM in court and told her to leave me alone. Now I work some where else and I never indulge too much info to ss because I don’t know BM. The woman could be psychotic. I don’t need her knowing where I am during the day. No thank you

marblefawn's picture

I am not suggesting anyone divulge personal information under unsafe circumstances. I am assuming this poster is not afraid for her life when it comes to BM. Of course, if BM is dangerous or harassing, this poster should not divulge any info. Yours, obviously, is a different case.

Sweetpea531's picture

I am in the same boat. There has to be a site that all the BM go on and get hypnotized to be c**ts. The one I deal with could careless about her daughter unless it benefits her but when I start acting like her and not helping out or doing things for SD I am the shity one and the one acting like a child. I stepped back because it was making me extremely crazy.  Stay strong love. It will get better. 

Ginger_SM's picture

I get wanting to know who your children are around but I have also been with DH for 7 years now, why all the sudden care. But I know the job question is coming up because I just barely switched jobs.

My sister was right next to her daughter when she was asking the questions that is how she knew. I guess OSD asked her why she had so many questions and she responded by saying she is just nosey. I get it, I am nosey myself but it still was like mind ya business Haha. BM is the primary reason my social media is set to private because in the beginning she would make comments about stuff to DH. 

I get along really well for the most part with my SD's and I know it bothers her to an extent because kids do talk from side to side. When DH and I got married they asked me what I wanted them to call me and I told them whatever they are comfortable with. I think it creates feelings for everyone trying to force them to call you something specific. Well they have called me Mom, I don't mind it. But the YSD told me after that her mom told her she didn't have to call me that if she didn't want to just whatever she is comfortable with. This would be fine if she didn't push the girls calling her husband Dad almost right off the bat. But they call me a shortened version of my name and sometimes add mom to the end. 

Sweet pea, ours only does things for the image but in the end it is all about the money. In the beginning I tried to be really nice and get along because it does make things better with the kids. But one malicious act after another I just can't.