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Child Support Has Ended!

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

No, not my DH paying it, but me receiving it from my ex. BS will turn 21 next week, and I got the final payment in the mail yesterday.

I've got no complaints. It was peanuts, it didn't pay for much, and my ex bitched about paying it, but it came every two weeks as ordered. And because of it (and because I was smart), every penny of that CS for the past ten or so years has gone into a savings account for my son, and he now has $21,000 that he doesn't know about. That money will be given to him at a time I feel is appropriate (like when he graduates college and is looking for a place, or wanting to buy a house, or needing a new car, etc.). If I gave it to him now, he'd spend it all taking his GF out to eat and to concerts!

I feel good about that. I wish more BMs would actually use the money as it was intended, to support their children. And it always seems like it's BMs who use it for themselves.


Salems Lot's picture

What a great gift for your son. Smile
I wish more BM's would do the same, not necessarily save the money, but at least use it for the intended purpose. (Not saying all or most BM's spend CS on themselves, but many do).
When our skids came over, they were always in clothes that were either too small or worn out. Most of their clothes were second hand or if they were new, they had to use their own birthday/Christmas money to buy them or someone else bought it for them. We ourselves were always buying them clothes and shoes to wear when they visited.. These items always disappeared. BM claimed she couldn't afford to buy these things for the skids, but she could go on yearly, sometimes bi-yearly vacations out of Province, out of Country and even to the Caribbean.

skatermom's picture

This is what every BM receiving child support should do, not spend it on purses, jeans, hair and nails like the BM in my situation does

secret's picture

I don't think she assumed that at all... I think she just meant she wished that those who DO use it for themselves, wouldn't.... you know, those BM's who have the best clothes, perfect nails, take trips... but can't afford new sneakers for the kids?

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

"I wish more BMs would actually use the money as it was intended, to support their children. And it always seems like it's BMs who use it for themselves."

Those are my words, exactly. There's no blanket statement there about ALL BMs. But yes, it is many of them. Many, many of us on here have them, the selfish ones.

No assuming here was done by one. Sorry if you took it that way.

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

Yes, I do need to remember that we on here are disproportionately affected by the bad BMs. I do agree that in the real world, most moms DO try to do their best by their kids. Smile

Yeah, I feel you. The BM is our scenario couldn't do crap for her kids either. She and her hubby always had the newest iPhone and went to every emo/goth/punk concert they could, but the skids never had money in their school lunch accounts or clothes that fit. She sucks.

Gimlet's picture

I think the savings account is great, good job!

I edited, but I'm going to put this back. I had commented that I commend Ghost for what she's done but that I don't see any shame in spending CS for the kids either. I know that's not what she meant, and I like Ghost an awful lot and wasn't trying to detract from what she's done.

I'm not butt hurt or anything like that, but it's just not possible for some CP's to save all their CS, regardless of the amount they get. Of course we all have experience with BM's who waste it, but that was not my point either.

I can celebrate with Ghost and still make that remark. I am just putting this back because I don't want to not stand behind my words, not because I want to derail this in any way.

Congrats, Ghost!

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

And it was not my intention at all to make BMs (or BDs) who spend the money on their kids feel bad. Most of us do that; it's what it's for. I had to spend every penny I got for CS for bare necessities when BS was very little. If he wanted to eat, I spent the CS. But it was spent on HIM. Not my hair or my nails or new purses. I'm grateful that I eventually got to a point where I could afford to take care of both of us my own, without having to depend on CS. It was actually my grandmother who gave me the idea to save it for BS once I could, and it was very wise advice.

That's all. Those of you who know me know I'm not about making other people feel bad. I'm not about that at all. Smile

Gimlet's picture

I know, Ghost. I only put my response back because I realized that I should clarify instead of taking it down. I did not at all intend to imply that you meant that.

I'm super happy for you and for your son!

Gimlet's picture

Ghosty, I'm sorry. I read this and probably projected a bit and replied without considering the source. You are always kind and fair.

Please accept my apology for the diversion.

somethingwicked's picture

Take that $21, 000 and open a Roth IRA in your son's name that he can access for college ; or put it into another short term investment with a low maintenance fee investment institution .(Fidelity is one )
You can access your money from a ROTH any time since it is post tax dollars you've invested.
Some retirement plans can be accessed for certain life changes like college ,health issues or first time home purchase. Check that out.

YOU ARE an awesome mom!
Now make that money you so diligently saved for your son grow a bit more in the next few years or leave it and he'll have a very nice nest egg when he is ready to retire.


GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

$56 per MONTH for one kid back in 1999, which, thanks to COLAs, ended all the way up $170 a month in 2016. It hardly made a dent in "maintaining the child's pre-divorce standard of living," which is the point of CS. Hell, groceries alone for a six-foot-tall teenager sost twice that!

Definitely not slamming anyone. Just patting myself on the back a little, I guess. We should all do that now and again. Smile

thinkthrice's picture

hell Chef got it "reduced" to 200 a week and that was based on his massive salary of 48K a year. We live in NY as well where taxes take approx 50% of earnings (income, property, school, etc) The Gir gets her $200 a week after taxes are sucked out

zerostepdrama's picture

Not the same but I'm just putting this out here... if I ever receive a windfall of the back CS that my Ex owes I am going to spend a large portion on myself! I'm going to take a very very nice vacation Smile

Salems Lot's picture

If your Ex owes you a lot of money, then that means you forked out his share of child expenses out of your own pocket, therefore you deserve to spend a portion of that windfall on yourself!

Goodluck's picture

Great Job!!!

Ok now that CS has ended for you. Here is a question.

What do you REALLY say it costs to raise a kid per month.

BethAnne's picture

People manage to raise kids with practically no money and yet most people always feel like some more money would always help even if they have great incomes. I do not think that it is really realistic to say it costs x amount as it depends on what the parent(s) can afford and their expectations for their children's childhood.

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

HA! I know for damn sure it cost FAR, FAR more than I ever got in CS.

$56 per MONTH for one kid back in 1999, which went all the way up to $170 a month in 2016. It hardly made a dent in "maintaining the child's pre-divorce standard of living," which is the point of CS.

I raised my kid financially on my own, at least after the first few years.

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

I'm sure he'll be gobsmacked when I finally decide to give it to him!

Ole Ann? Very quiet lately. She's not talking much about her personal life since our little intervention. Wink

Maxwell09's picture

I tell DH all the time he needs to take BM for child support so we can start a savings account for him and let it build up so by the time college tuition runs around, "BM's contribution" will already be there waiting for SS and DH doesn't get stuck with the whole bill.

hereiam's picture

Had DH had custody, he would have definitely tried to collect CS and would have saved it. How some men can just let these women slide and not even TRY, I will never understand. Of course, that doesn't mean they will pay but...

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

Most people can't. I certainly couldn't the first 8-9 years. I just happened to get lucky with my career. Plus I can pinch pennies like no one can!