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Toxic BM’s Birthday

Floral_SM's picture

So every year I have been in my relationship with DH we have had the skids on BM's birthday. She never makes a time to see them, she just expects a phone call. DH has previously told her he has no issue with her taking them out for the day or even having them that night. He would want to do that if his birthday fell on her day. It's typical that she just wants to drink and party without making time for her kids to see her though. Now the skids are getting a bit older, the way they talk to her on the phone now is hilarious. BM has a brain of a 15 year old school girl.

Anyway DH tucked the skids into bed and I walked into SD's room. She was in bed, and I quietly asked DH if he made the call yet? And he literally blinked at me and asked me 'what call?' Omg. Are all men like this? I whispered 'To their mother for her birthday??' And he was like 'oh I forgot!' He quickly told them and they both went 'ohh yeah! We have to call her'. I was thinking about this stupid phone call ALL DAY. I hate any contact with this Ho Bag of a 'mummy' she calls her self. 

DH and I walked out of the room and let the skids talk to her. We did stand in the hall so we can hear what the conversation was, but the skids didn't know we were there. She was at the pub for dinner apparently. SD6 said 'Mummy, because we aren't there to celebrate with you tonight, can we celebrate with you tomorrow?' Haha she sounded so awkward and was like 'Oh.. yeah. If you want. What do you want to do?' And the skids were like 'Uum.. I don't know maybe the bouncing place?' She's like 'Nah we can't go there it's shut because of Covid' and the conversation sort of died..

I looked at DH and we both rolled our eyes. Then SS told her he thought her birthday was tomorrow and she sounded so offended he didn't know her birthday! Haha. SS remembers EVERYTHING. His brain is like DH's and retains so much information. Then, like every year, we hear the million dollar question from her 'So who remembered to call me for my birthday?' 
SS immediately started to say Daddy but SD interrupted and was like 'No no it wasn't Daddy! Floral was in my room with Daddy and I overheard her remind Daddy to call you! It was Floral that told him!' I swear we could hear crickets on the other end. DH and I were trying so hard not to laugh! She ended up being like 'oh. Well I have to go..' Lol. Oh wow, she would have been so annoyed. Her ex forgot her birthday and his wife had to remind him and her children to ring her. Lol. We didn't expect SD to say that, but it shows how she watches everything we do. 

All day I was dreading that call and it ended up being so embarrassing for her! It just shows she doesn't spend any quality time with the skids. The conversation was so awkward and laughable.



Aniki's picture

This is somehting that should not be on your conscience. No step can make a bio a better parent. *give_rose*

CLove's picture

Right now. No more reminding Dh, or even kiddos. Not your job.

Floral_SM's picture

I know I know, I need a slap on the wrist for that. I guess I didn't want her to manipulate the skids to say 'see how mean your dad is for not reminding you of my birthday' sort of thing.

I remember the very first year my relationship was so new with DH and I was still on stepping stones in the step parenting world. He didn't ring her for her birthday and I didn't think it was my place to butt in, so she received no phone call. The havoc he received the following day was so stressful. It nearly made me run for the hills. Every year after that he did get the skids to call her. I guess this year he had a full on day and slipped his mind at the time. Oh well I won't do it next year I promise haha. 

advice.only2's picture

The fact that the cow even asked who remembered to call her...gah! Next year while she's swilling drinks eating from her trough and nobody calls, I bet you money she won't even notice!

tog redux's picture

I probably would have reminded him too - but I do a lot of reminding DH about all kinds of things.

tog redux's picture

I do it for what you said - to make MY life easier. I wouldn't have wanted to deal with BM's drama. He always appreciates it, and I don't really mind. I'm pretty sure he has ADHD.

For the last 1.5 years I reminded him to send the child support check so it would get there on time, so BM would have no excuse to get the child support taken out of his pay. I did it for ME, so there would be no more court necessary when child support ended, he could just stop paying. It worked.

Floral_SM's picture

Yes I hate the stress.  I remind him of things for the skids and him, never for the BM. If she feels it's for her then so be it, if that makes my life easier in my home. We know it's not. I couldn't care less what she thinks. I just think she's a joke of a parent. No doubt DH will remember next year after what happened anyway. 

JRI's picture

That's your line next year (and ever after) IF the topic comes up and anybody starts the blame game.  I'm guessing both your DH and the kids will forget and gosh darn, you did, too.  

1dad4kids's picture

Lol. This happened with me last year. SS11 and DH having a convo 2 nights before about BM's bday. Then bday rolls around and they didn't say a word. Finally at supper time I ask DH if SS11 called and then he reminded him. 

We didn't listen to the conversation, I could care less what SS11 has to say to her. The odd occasions I've heard it's awkward and boring af. 

MissK03's picture

BM has never taken the skids on her birthday. Only if it fell and the happen to be at her house when she used to take them EWOE. Which I don't even remember if it had... 

In one of her attention seeking rants to SO a few months ago she stated "you don't even have the skids wish me a happy birthday! Wah wah. They are freakin teenagers! Why does he have to remind them for YOUR birthday. 

Then do something with them!!! 

I have never once brought up BMs birthday. She actually missed one of SDs basketball games during the day because it was BMs bday. Only time it got brought up. 

Not your job to remind DH. 

Stepmom2020's picture

Sad actually that BM could care less to be around her own. Glad they have you two. You will learn to disengage eventually.


Maxwell09's picture

Nothing encourages a BM more than letting her find out that you go out of your way to make sure she gets a special call for her birthday from her kids. Think about it, what will happen when you don't remind them? They forget and then what? Will she rage and throw a tantrum....ok so what! It's not like she WANTED them, or requested time with them. If she wants her kids to remember and prioritize her birthday then SHE needs to be the one to instill birthday responsibilities. 

Floral_SM's picture

Yeah I tend to agree with that most of the time. I guess I just hate the stress of it in my home lately when she cracks her tantrums because she takes it out on the skids. They come back feeling frustrated and guilty, like it was their job to remind their dad to ring her. I reminded my husband for him and the skids, not for the BM. She would be annoyed because me being the bigger person stomps out her fabricated stories about me being a 'mean devil woman'.

yougotthis's picture

Ya I'd never remind skid's it was their moms bday. My DH prollly doesn't even remember when it is and I could care less. Def not your job to remind him to remind them. She obv doesn't care about spending time with them but gets upset if they don't call her? What a selfish bitch lol 

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

not necessary to remind your DH to remind the SKIDS to call their mom on her birthday. Next year, I wouldn't say a word and if they don't call her on her birthday? Too bad, she didn't want to be with them on her day when she could of, so sorry not sorry