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Found SD has a tik tok account

floralsm's picture

The other day SS10 was online gaming with his friend from school. His friends mic accidentally came through the tv instead of through his mic. DH and I overheard his friend saying to SS 'I saw your sisters latest YouTube video and it got taken down, probably because she was dancing in her underwear, it was super wierd'.  
 

DH and I were in the kitchen and immediately looked at each other with the 'wtf' look. I noticed lately SD keeps asking me about YouTubers she watches. At our place we don't let them watch YouTube and their iPads and iPhones are on parental control where they can't download an app without it going through DH phone for permission. I now realise they definitely have full access at BMs. 
 

I decided to search up SD full name in YouTube (I don't have TikTok) and found her account and short videos. A lot are her singing and dancing, and there was a strange one where she recorded SS where he's under the covers and they are going up and down and she says 'I thought he was doing 'something else..'. Plus a video she uploaded with the caption 'don't give me sh*t'. I know BM has a colourful vocabulary so it's not all surprising SD is exposed to this. We always speculated SD acted differently and probably more herself with BM's influence and putting on an act of being well mannered and behaved at ours, I guess seeing it for myself for all the world to see was a bit of a shock. 

I just showed DH (he's at work at the moment) and he said he wants to have to sit and talk to SD about them. I hear young kids now are all over tik tok and YouTube and it makes me feel so sick. I would be absolutely appalled if that was DD account I stumbled on. I would flip to see she even has an account. I detest social media platforms and having children upload themselves onto the world wide internet is really triggering for me.

I went to high school with a young girl who met a predator online and he murdered her. One day she never got on my bus and I never saw my friend again. I was 15 at the time and it scared the crap out of me. I literally walked with her to our bus stop every day and this pedophile was watching me too and I had no idea. He even waved at us and I assumed it was her dad! Google Carly Ryan if you want the story, her mother has a foundation in her name and even pushed so hard she changed our laws regarding online predators in Aus in her daughters name.

Obviously BM has no care what so ever about it and no doubt allowed her to have these accounts. I'm just venting as it's one more thing SD probably hates being at our house as DH doesn't allow her to watch YouTube here.

Comments

classyNJ's picture

and scary that must have been.  I did Google and it is just horrible.

I hope that you will bring this up with your SD.  As kids we all think it would never happen to us, but it does and so much more now. 

Peace and Love to you!

 

floralsm's picture

Thank you and yes they just  feel safe behind a screen in their own home. We don't allow SS to befriend anyone he doesn't know on his online gaming whereas he said on his account at BMs, SD logs on and he finds randoms on his friend list she's added and he has to later delete. They are just not mature enough to understand the sick perverted people out there.
In the case with Carly, this man actually used his son to speak to Carly on webcam so she befriended this man thinking it was her 'boyfriend's' father when she met him! The lengths online predators go too is sickening. 

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

allows the skids to do whatever they want with no parental oversight, then they are going to be getting into things that are not age appropriate and are too young to understand how unsafe it all really is. We have this worry for SD when she becomes a teen because BM is already allowing SD and her sister who are 8 and under to watch and listen to things that are for 14+, not to mention encouraging them to act older than they are too. 

There was a girl in my high school something similar had happened to. I would share this experience as well as the reality of who is out there and what can happen when you put things out there you shouldn't. Or at least have your DH do so. I would also be bringing it up with BM just that it is concerning even though it probably won't go anywhere, but in good conscious, I couldn't sit on it and something happen. 

floralsm's picture

Yes DH struggles with the age appropriate things too. SD watched vampire diaries with BM and got nightmares here from it. This was last year so she was 7. Wtf BM? 

Yeah I will share my experience, but definitely getting DH to take control on the parenting. I don't even give them their screens when DH isn't home to monitor it. I feel like whatever I say to SD though she won't take in. BM has brainwashed her to not listen to any advice I give her as I'm not her parent/mother or whatever stupid terminology she says. SD is respectful enough to listen to me so I will tell her and no don't when SD reports this to BM, BM will tell SD how dare I scare her and put doubt and fear into her 'wittle bwaby' and cue the essay long abusing message DH will receive. Who cares though, as long as SD hears from one of her parents the implications of putting yourself up on the internet can have. 

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

I just googled it and you have to be 13 to have a youtube channel, and between 13 - 17 need parental permission. For Tik Tok, they are supposed to be 13 too. Call it petty, but I would report the account and any other inappropriate accounts SD has. No child needs a youtube channel at 8 nor a Tik Tok.

Last winter we discovered SD's sister has a Tik Tok and if we found one for SD we would of reported the account and had a conversation with BM about it. Luckily it seems SD does not have one and it seems like even SD's sister doesn't use the account since BM's DH is now permanently stateside

floralsm's picture

Thank you and yes I'll show DH and suggest it! It does say as long as parents are closely monitoring and I highly doubt BM is. There's a few where SD is dancing and then she's duck face pouting and it just looks so inappropriate for an 8 year old. I just had a look and any children showing any sexual referencing in their posts whether it's clothed or not clothed are reportable. SS10 is dancing in his undies and wiggling his butt *facepalm* 

Its just immature and typical child behaviour that in their eyes are innocent but to upload it on a YouTube account in the child's name is just wrong and DH is not happy! I hope he confronts with BM too as it will be in his best interest to show her he's not stupid and her account to be shut down. 

advice.only2's picture

Your DH needs to do a deep dive into her channel and start looking at the comments, what they say (look for code words used by predators), and who they are.  Then he needs to have a sit down with SD and educate her, walk her through her page, show her the comments he’s researched, have a come to Jesus talk with her and share the stories of people like your friend.

When Spawn was sending naked photos of herself to people we had a friend of ours who was a cop sit down and talk with her.  She was scared sh@tless by the time he was done showing her that her photos had ended up on a kiddie porn site.  It gave her a cold hard awakening at the age of 16…which didn’t last all that long, she ended up on OF when she was 22…so there is that.

floralsm's picture

That's a good idea. We don't have TikTok and so DH may need to create an account just to monitor SD and see those videos too (she's only shared a few on her YouTube account). 
Oh no I'm not looking forward to the nudes era. A guy from DH sports team told him only a few weeks ago that BM was sending him her nudes wanting him to come over. Apparently BM had a fight with her BF. With this as SD role model, it's going to be inevitable. 

Rags's picture

I am sorry you experienced the loss of your friend.

When my SS came out to his mom and I, he was 22, my one ask of him was to always be aware of his surroundings and to keep in mind that not eveyrone would be supportive or accepting of him being Gay.  

8+ yrs later, he periodically comments that my request has stood out to him.

Kids are 10ft tall and bullet proof as well as are convinced that their parents are clueless.  The ones who make it to their mid 20s seem to regularly have the epiphany regarding how much we, as parents and adults, have progressed since our kids were in their early teens.

Pardon

floralsm's picture

Your SS is very lucky to have you Rags to support him, it's tough for kids and adults when they are coming to terms with themselves on that level. There are some real nasty trolls online that just crush people and children's self esteem and value of life and it's awful. 
 

ESMOD's picture

This is tough.. but def a parenting moment... I think she if she is 8 (if I was reading another comment correctly).. that she likely is too young for the platform... or most social medias.

That being said.. some kids do have social media presence.. but it needs to be very closely monitored by her parents..as in they need the passwords.. and need to regularly check it out.. and a condition of being allowed access is based on full parental access and oversight.

My YSD had a facebook account.. She had to have me, her dad and mom as "friends" on her account.. and I noticed that her friend list was going way up.. and had lots of "random" people that did not seem to be in her peer group.. like the guy with tattoos on his face! (she was 12)... turns out she and her friend were having a contest to see how many friends they could get.. well.. she was friending everyone who was friends of friends.. of friends.. and in the extended network of older sibling and cousins.. there were definitely some people who did not need to be on a 12 yo girl's account.  The rule became.. you and we need to know how you know every person on your list.. which grew much smaller after that culling!

floralsm's picture

Yes she will be 9 in 3 months, but she's a young 8 at heart. Still quite vulnerable and easily influenced. Hence why BM has done a good job on the PAS'ing with her and definitely too young to have her own account to upload herself on. 

There's awkward shorts of her just looking at the camera and flaunting her hair and pouting. Plus where she's running through the house and can see BMs living areas and kitchen. I would hate my home being uploaded on YouTube. Well SD admitted she's in her room watching YouTube until 11pm with her iPad while BM is asleep. No parental controls are put in as she follows people that definitely have explicit content. 
 

I don't think she's on the Facebook scene yet but watch this space I'm sure it won't be long and she will be on that and Instagram. BM would have had to provide SD an email address to even start up her accounts so she's definitely aware, but her care factor is clearly 0. DH will be having a word with SD and let BM know he's aware and seen the videos and tell her she is no way mature and old enough to manage a YouTube account. 

The_Upgrade's picture

This hits too close to home. I grew up around the area and knew exactly the suburbs mentioned. My uni friends and I used to pool money and rent a holiday house there in our teens there as a cheap getaway from parental supervision. 

floralsm's picture

Thanks Upgrade for your comment. It's a lovely holiday spot there isn't it? When you personally know the areas too it's just that more real. 

justmakingthebest's picture

Wow, until I read the comments I didn't realize she was 8, I was thinking this is typical of 14+ today. 8 is way too young to be on those platforms.

Out of curiosity, has your DH thought about sending the links of concerning videos to BM? Ignorance isn't an excuse for poor parenting but maybe this will be a wake up call for BM?

floralsm's picture

BM props her up to act like a young teenager, and DH tries hard to make her age appropriate. It's a real struggle. Yes he plans to message BM and tell herit's concerning he can search his 8 year olds full name in YouTube and instantly find HER OWN account with inappropriate videos of herself for all the public eye to see. There's one where she is singing a cover of a song and she says 'I'm f*king sad' and his eyebrows went so far up his head. He's never heard her swear before. I didn't even see that one. 

BM is like a teenager herself and I feel every couple of weeks DH has to always give her a wake up call. I said to him put a P.S at the end of the text and say 'TREAT SD HAIR YOU LAZY POS AS WE FOUND FRESH EGGS AGAIN!!' .. ffs. He stared at me and said 'Yes. I will deal with that too. Again.'  At least when we treated her hair this time it was sooo much easier as the eggs came out quickly with shorter hair. 

Rags's picture

It is so infuriating when the adults are as or even more juvenile as/than the kids.

Nea

My IL clan suffers from a predisposition to this issue. My FIL and MIL have always been instant gratification and chase the dream oriented.  FIL passed 4+ years ago and MIL has shown a surprising marked improvement in this historic behavior since his passing.

BIL1 and his wife are the same as my MIL and FIL.  It is truly bizarre. So much so that they battle with their DD18 constantly over things that they are doing constantly ... when she is just modeling their behaviors.

BIL2, though his behaviors are far more mature than his parents and BIL1 and SIL perpetrate. His issue is the instant 'stuff' gratificaition tendencies. He inherrited those genes bad.  It bankrupted my FIL and MIL a couple of times, cost them a major foreclosure on a farm they were 7yrs from having completely paid off, and it cost them a foreclosure on the 'big' farm. Literally $hundres of thousands down the drain because 'I know it is a bad decision but it is my/our dream.'

My SIL is not only immature but a dirtbag rip off artist.  She plays the trying to be cutesy crap when she rips off family members for $thousands.  They all bail her out because they do not want her kids to suffer. Meh. We let SIL and her family experience the pain of her stupidity. She has never paid anyone back .. until recently. Her DH got a significant buy out when the company he has worked at for nearly 20 years, an employee owned company, was bought out by a large competitor.  Suddenly crook assed rip off artist dirtbag SIL is all Ms pay people back. Though what she owes and what she says she owes are out of alignment by orders of magnitude.  My DW is the executrix for the estates of most of the people SIL owes.  DW will have to sue the shit out of her own sister on behalf of the estate and the heirs when any of those estates has to be distributed.  I feel for DW on that, but.... SILs shit landing firmly n her head can't happen soon enough IMHO.

Diablo

I have long teased my DW that she could not possibly share her families gene pool and has to be either a mutant or an alien implant. Though even she will have a periodic episode of her families genetic immaturity issues.

 

justmakingthebest's picture

Wow. 

I was kind of hoping she might be responsive if you brought concerns to her. I'm sorry... this is scary stuff.

Yesterdays's picture

My step child was on Discord, same thing, unlimited access to internet at around 11 or 12. Turns out they had been texting a 50 year old man for over 6 months. Bio mom found out through the school and they all had some meetings about it.  They were going to add some boundaries. Then 2 weeks later bio mom bought her child their own cell phone and they've had unlimited internet access from that date on, and I will just say it was very detrimental. They went on to post inappropriate material from a young age and get into nonstop issues on social media. There was also depression and it was all tied in. 

I wish there was more that could be done about these damaging sites. It's a hard situation to be in because you could only control things from your end and not when they are with bio mom... Then there's nothing you can do and they have access to all of that inappropriate content. I agree, maybe you could send the videos to bio mom,. Does she know what her child is doing online? How horrible to give such a young child so much internet access. 

floralsm's picture

Oh wow that's terrible! I can't believe she bought her a phone 2 weeks later after that incident with a close call like that. Yeah depression and social media is another thing to monitor with kids too.

I would say BM definitely does know and obviously she is too immature and lazy too care. I also think she has some sick twisted mind set she sees a mini-younger-cuter version of herself in SD and loves seeing herself in SD and encourages her! That includes how SD dresses, acts and gets attention for her singing and dancing. BM does all those things too. 

I'm going to give a bit of background behind of what I think is the issue. BM loves attention from men. She worked at a tittie bar when DH was still with her and promised him she wasn't stripping and only did lap dances when the cash was good and I believe the only reason she got her boobs done was for that job. So DH worked all day as a tradesman and at night home alone with their babies (they broke up when SD was 1) while she flaunted herself in a gentlemans club and on weekends went clubbing. DH told me after they broke up she went one step further and was on an online escort company where you hire girls for the weekend for 'entertainment'. 

So is this why DH is always struggling with keeping SD at her age with this as her BM? I think so. I know he is deeply regretful of all the choices he made with BM in the past but I told him it's done. He chose to be a dad with an 18 yr old at very early age and just move on and keep confronting BM of her lack of parenting until SD is an adult and can legally make decisions for herself. 

I also don't mean to come off judgmental about women choosing that sort of career pathway (definitely not my cup of tea).. BM did this for only cash jobs and for the attention seeking. Unfortunately her flaunting herself is obviously exposed to SD.. especially over the years where BM was single. Eeek. I can only speculate.

Felicity0224's picture

As the mother of a 9 year old, I cannot imagine allowing my kid access to YouTube and tiktok. Not even to watch, much less actually create content. It's beyond inappropriate; it's truly dangerous, as you well know. Who knows what she's seen at this point? Honestly this would be a hill to die on for me - up to and including going to court over it. 

Definitely recommend that y'all screen record every single video or post she's made before you confront anyone, so that you'll have it as evidence if you ever need it. And make sure to demonstrate in the recording that the account(s) is public and searchable with SD's name. 

floralsm's picture

Yes I looked at the subscribers SD follows and the content some put up is just ridiculous. Some videos were things like 'juicy questions for girls/guys *explicit*' If you were a curious 8/9 year old would you click on that to see?? They were q's like 'Do boys compare d**k sizes' *facepalm* omg seriously? 

Good idea definitely will record them before BM takes them down to document as evidence if need be. No doubt BM will lie and say DH made the whole thing up to make her look bad as a mother as it's all about her per usual. 

Winterglow's picture

Isn't this CPS worthy? BM is supposed to be keeping SD safe and manifestly she is not and you can prove it. I wouldn't wait for an adult to break into BM's home to abduct, rape, murder, or anything else that's criminal to react.

floralsm's picture

Well I think it is? The headlice alone is enough in my opinion. I might do a bit of research and maybe even ring up and enquire what is justified as neglect? I mean SD is spoilt over there in she can do what she wants, and has a lot of materialisticthings bought for her from either family or BM, but her hairs never brushed, she wears clothes that are not clean and small and has infestation of headlice every time she comes into our care. 

bananaseedo's picture

Yikes, at age 8 no less!!  My SD was also allowed all these things kids her age shouldn't have, from the way she dressed, to hair coloring, including unlimited online access, got herself tattoed as a minor at some shady place, allowed to have live-in boyfriends while with my MIL at age 16...well, she did make it to age 20 before getting knocked up...somehow. 

floralsm's picture

Oh dear I see SD going in the same direction. SD had semi permanent red dye in her hair and had her nails done at a salon when she was 6/7 as BM got a massive child support payment that month. I hope DH gets SD put on the pill as soon as she hits puberty and gets her period. 

Rags's picture

I would get her  on Depo or Norplant and remove as much risk as possible of her getting knocked up as a minor.

If one was available, I would do the same for a male teen as well.

TrueNorth77's picture

DH and I had discussed getting SD13 an IUD, but we didn't even have to go that route because Crazy took her to get the pill due to cramping with her period. We know she takes it daily and at the same time because she has other critical meds she has to take at 8am every day, so this is just in the container with them. I want nothing to do with babies and DH is the same, so we were ready to do whatever it takes even though SD hasn't even kissed a boy yet. Lol

floralsm's picture

True I haven't researched the birth control options lately, but implants in the arm were also popular for young girls as they didn't have the hassle of taking a tablet every day. 
 

I had reeeally bad acne growing up so the pill worked wonders for my skin and I was mature enough to WANT to take it as babies were definitely not what I wanted. SD I know is opposite so you are right, I'll get DH to look into it when the time comes. 

TrueNorth77's picture

DH won't let SD13 have Snapchat at our house, but Crazy lets her have everything. A few years ago we found SD had an IG with pics of her suggestively licking a popsicle, and when I had her give me the login, she had DM's from 20 grown men!! She was 9!! 
Crazy STILL let's her have it all with unlimited access and tried to blame DH for that IG acct (the account was created and the pic was uploaded on Crazy's time that week). 
Anyway, that is crazy about your friend. I know some horror stories also. My Best friend had 2 detectives show up on her doorstep one day because her 11yr old daughter and her friend had been snapchatting someone they thought was a boy from another school...and had sent pics in their bra. It was actually a 45yr old man that the police were watching. Several months ago a 17yr old boy nearby met a girl on Snapchat, she went in his car and he stabbed her with a box cutter and then when she escaped the car, he ran her over. She almost died. 
 

I firmly believe kids account should be checked, but aside from not letting SD have Snapchat at our house he isn't much better. She has Tik Tok (private), and SS16 has always been allowed to have everything, I cluding Snapchat, because "he's different". I.e. the Golden child and a boy. 

floralsm's picture

Oh Snapchat.. ugh my teenage neices and nephews are obsessed with it! Yes it's hard when one parent allows them to free range roam with socials and then one is trying to enforce restrictions for their safety. It's even harder when SD goes back and reports to BM and she won't give DH the respect of his views and blurt to SD her opinions on his 'ridiculous' parenting which then SD believes and sees DH as the 'mean and strict dad'. 
Wow those stories are really awful and it's so scary because it can basically happen to anyone! That's what SD needs to understand but she's only 8.. She's not mature enough to understand that sick twisted people out there so no way mature enough to expose herself publicly. 
 

Rags's picture

Social media was barely a thing when he was a teen.  It was hard enough to keep him off of online gaming enough for it to not cause a major life performance issue for him.  Texting with friends was a challenge as well.

But... we got him launched into viable adulthood effectively enough that he can self manage these things now.  

Thank goodness.

I hope that parents and the LEO community are ending these dirtbags who prey on children.

I still struggle with my ILs for not putting the Spermidiot in prison when he predated on my bride during his never ending quest to perpetrate statutory rape on any underage teen in the PAC NW.  They never pressed charges.  Oddly, neither did the parents of my DW's BFF whose father was the chief of police then the Sheriff. 

Unknw

Probably because he did not want the political backlash of the underage daughter of the Sheriff being sexually active.

If they had, several underage teen girls would have been saved from his procreative efforts.  And just maybe, my SS would not have the never ending emotional drain of his three younger also out of wedlock Spermidiot spawned half sibs and their life failures (the dole, prison, etc...) to detract from his life.