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DH blew up at BM yay!

floralsm's picture

We got SD and SS some new fresh cuts and the end result is they both absolutely loved their new hair. I mean I knew SD would love her new look. Leading up to this was an absolute sh*t show. All could have been avoided if SD never texted BM about us telling her we are taking her to the hairdresser. She was worried the hair cut was going to be ridiculously short and texted BM telling her 'don't tell dad that I said anything but I really don't want to cut my hair.'

DH in the meantime was out at the shops with SS and I was in my room trying to put DD2 down. DH calls me and says he just got an essay long message from BM saying can he please respect SD wishes of not cutting her hair as she is in charge of her body and hair and not cut it. Ugh here we go. 

Instead of BM being supportive to SD and DH and telling her she is going to love a new hair cut and encourage her self esteem and encourage SD to talk with DH about her worries.. she manipulated the whole thing and said 'if you don't want to cut it, do you want me to talk to dad for you I'm sure he will understand and not put you through this is that's what you want'. Where of course SD asked her too. 

FFS. Well DH came home sat on our bed and gave BM a firm text back.

He confronted her about the reason WHY we are chopping off SD's long hair as her headlice has gotten out of control and it will be easier to manage. He pointed out she refuses to treat SD hair even though he treats it every single time she is here and has documented that. He told her the last text a few days ago where he asked her did she treat SD hair in her week, BM replied saying she didn't as she didn't see any in her hair. When DH treated it that afternoon we got SD he found 30+ eggs! he added that this infestation is clearly from her house ad we are in school holidays and BM cannot blame school as the excuse anymore. He confronted her if she cared for the welfare of SD she would support this and encourage SD to approach him directly if she has any concerns instead of manipulating her fear that she only can go to BM. He told her this crap has to stop and he will do what he has to do being SD father and looking out for her welfare. He said the haircut is happening and it's about time she put the best interest of SD first and support him in the decision and process to manage and treat her hair from this infestation. 

Well, you can imagine what a HCBM will reply back with. She started off saying how she does support his relationship with SD but signed off the end of her text saying goodluck to him trying to salvage what's left of his relationship with her. Uuum well isn't that contradictory BM. She told him he is a narcissist (LMAO really?? For cutting his daughters hair. it's hilarious she said this as she is a full blown one) and how dare he abuse her over text when she does so much. ??? Um I'm still trying to figure out what exactly she means by that.. clutching at straws to make her look the victim because she does absolutely nothing. She also said him cutting SD hair is not up for him to guide her and do what's best for her as she is her own person and can do as she pleases. Hello?! She's 8 years old. How the hell can an 8 year old manage an infested head lice on her own? She said something about how she does treat her hair and finds eggs in SD's hair. Interesting BM.. you sure don't tell us that at the time? She's such a liar. She said SD is a social girl and they are from school that's why she keeps getting them.. Oh and she did the same old threats about just keeping SD full time from DH as it's such an inconvenience for him to look after her. Like wtf that's the worst possible scenario for SD. Having a full time high conflict- manipulative- narcissist- neglectful parent full time. 

DH shook his head and said I'm not replying to that she's just wanting me to fight back. He did have a positive chat with SD though about how she can talk to him and not have to do it behind his back to BM. She agreed and said she was worried it was going to really short and extremely happy with her new look. It's still long enough for her to do nice hair styles and the shorter look just a over her shoulders looks really nice. She loves that her hair isn't knotty anymore and it feels lighter and looks great on her. She sent BM a photo where BM wrote something like 'well as long as you like it' and 'you look beautiful no matter what your hair is'. Far out it took DH to rip into BM for her to say something positive like that. I honestly think it's all for show anyway as she knows DH will read her messages. I just hope now BM can't go back on what she said to SD as she wrote it to her but knowing this POS I wouldn't be surprised if SD is wanting to grow it long again the next time we have her. 

We shall wait and see what the next 9 days bring. Hopefully less eggs and less headlice now DH confronted her and admitted he's documented her neglect. He even wrote its coming from your house so get it sorted! Last time he said this 12 months ago she wrote back he's disgusting. Lol. Nothing happened of course but he's taking SD to a doctor next time so fingers crossed we are actually now getting somewhere. 



Aniki-Moderator's picture

I sincerely hope that SD has no more headlice episodes! But if she does, shorter hair is more easily managed. I will never understand these craptastic excuses for mothers.

floralsm's picture

Thanks Aniki me too! BM said cutting her hair won't get rid of the lice *facepalm* ugh that's not why DH cut it. It's infuriating how she just doesn't understand how to be a responsible parent. 

shamds's picture

Being salvaged between bio mum and your husband. Thats the whole point of a divorce. At the very most is communicate whats relevant regarding minor kids and even that is a struggle in most dovorced couples.

neglectful and abusive mothers are some of the worst hypocrites lecturing others on parenting believing they have some moral high ground. Its so pathetic.

my husband's exwife took the girls and disappeared cutting off all contact and disabling her and kids mobiles. Over 5.5 yrs my husband had no contact with them. Barely a year after taking the girls she abandoned them. Sd's were 18 & 8 at the time.

exwife's hatred for my husband was so intense that she didn't bother contacting my husband to take over custody of the youngest. When sd's re initiated contact with my huband, exwife called my sil trying to make it like i did a great job being a parent to her kids (especially ss- the one she abandoned and dispwmed for over a decade now). I wanted to punch bio mum just for saying that. Trying to compare myself to you, just don't 

floralsm's picture

Agreed she is the most infuriating person to try and communicate anything with regarding important information. Every single time she takes it as a personal stab at herself instead of looking at it from a mature perspective regarding the children. she doesn't take anything in other than 'how dare he talk to me like that and 'abuse' me. Telling her he's cutting SDs hair because she doesn't treat it isn't abuse. SD is only 8 and BM talks to her like a teenage friend in school. In fact BM is the one that abuses DH in her responses. He's documenting everything anyway. Sorry to hear you have put up with a similar HCBM. They are the worst!

Yesterdays's picture

Bio mom obviously has some unhealthy ways of dealing with things, avoidance, blaming, overlooking, jealousy, alienating behaviors. She's not an effective parent and her actions are certainly not in the best interest of the child. SD is lucky to have you and her dad, who are doing all of the right things, despite the negative influence of BM. She can tell herself whatever she wants but at the end of the day, its you guys that are doing the hard work that will help SD. BM won't ever recognize or acknowledge this, but underneath it all, you know. 

floralsm's picture

Thanks that's what DH said. He said he is sick of being treated like the 'bad guy' for doing what is in the best interest of SD. Cutting her hair really worried SD and instead of BM encouraging her it's ok, she just installed more fear and self entitlement into SD thinking she has a choice in what she can do. She is only 8 for gods sake. I know we can sleep at night knowing we do the right thing. BM goes to bed at night with parasites crawling over her scalp though and doesn't care. How she can live like that is beyond me. 

Winterglow's picture

BM,if you believe that the lice our daughter's hair has been infested with for the last x months come from the school, why do you not treat it and tell the school there is a problem? Why is our daughter coming to us with her hair infested with nits and lice as if you completely ignore the problem.

For our daughter's sake, I feel that the only way she will be properly cared for is if I am custodial parent. You have already shown that you cannot deal with lice (that she has even during the holidays). Apparently you care so little for her that you didn't understand how shorter hair would be easier to keep lice-free (as you have never dealt with it and have sent her to us,infested,I cannot say I am surprised).

Our daughter deserves better than to have to live with lice.

floralsm's picture

Ohh man I would love DH to send this to her! He once said something similar and she wrote a long ass email about how she has contacted a lawyer and they will be in contact with him for full time custody. LOL. Here in Aus you can't get into court unless you deal with mediation first. She refused mediation and DH has the certificate to say so. So.. the fact she had threatened SD full time again *eye roll* all he has to do is remind her how she refuses to participate in mediating for the best interest of SD. She is also unsupportive of SS with his schooling. She confessed to him homework is a waste of time and she doesn't believe in it. Seriously this 'woman' if you want to call her that is a complete headcase to deal with. I am tempted to call CPS on her so many times but at the same time petrified to have both SK's full time. I know it will be in their best interests as they are victims but they are a lot of work thanks to her lack of raising them 50% of their life.