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BM does it again!

floralsm's picture

Ok so my blogs are basically venting about BM. But seriously I have one of the worst BMs to deal with. 
So it was a long weekend just gone and we had the skids as it was DH week. No school Monday so that means BM has to collect SD from our house. 

All day - no correspondence from BM. Just same old sh*t DH deals with. Unless he texts her first.. no idea what time she will rock up. Usually it's later in the arvo. With DH home I honestly didn't care and never gave it a second thought. FIL came over and hung out while watching the game on T.V. I sat in my room studying. I had an assessment due so I had a nice quiet day. 

Got to around 5.30 at night when FIL left I asked DH.. where is BM?! Have you heard? He shrugged and said nope so I'll feed SD dinner and assume she's not coming. 
SD was asking through the day what time she was getting picked up and DH told her no idea, haven't heard. 

Then 2 mins later we got the text. 'Ohhh I'm so sorry I forgot today was Monday and thought it was Sunday. Are you alright to have SD tonight?' Omg.. 

Now BM is single which means she's been a loose cannon. SS told us last weekend at hers he was left home alone at night while she got drunk at DH local sports club. DH was furious. SS had no point of communication to call anyone incase of emergency and at 10 years old he was just not mature enough to stay home alone. SS got defensive and blamed his uncle who lives there too that he was supposed to stay home with him but apparently left to go out as he had already made plans. DH educated SS saying it's not his uncle's responsibility it's BMs. She's his mother. 

So DH went off at BM and confronted her with that weekend, said she better sharpen up as a parent as now it's not looking good on her as now she's 'forgotten' what day of the week' it is to pick up her child. Of course he got defensive and abusive texts back where she is the victim, how dare he treat the mother of his kids (well excuse me one of the mothers!) and whoever he got his info from didn't have the facts straight. Well the info was from SS and when he told her that and if she was actually going to pick up SD tonight, got more abuse back. It is so obvious she has been drinking hence why she can't get her, and said I'll pick SD up from school tomorrow.  

Lol, well BM you won't as it is a student free day if you bother to know what's going on. So DH replied with 'No, I'll drop BOTH ss and Sd to you to yours in the morning on the way to my job as they have a student free day.' And got no response.

DH was honest with both the skids about how irresponsible she has been with them to try and educate them on what a parents role actually is, and they were so defensive of her as she tries to PAS's them out and make herself look the victim all the time. I stayed out of it and went back to my bedroom, as DH was dealing with it. But omg.. how hard is it to be a mature human being and pick your child up on your day?? I heard SD say 'You were right SS.. she forgot about me'. I just think it's so sad how she treats her own children.



JRI's picture

I feel sorry for the kids.

floralsm's picture

Yeah and the most frustrating thing is they believe all her lies and manipulation. I just hope one day something clicks in their heads when they are older and they realise what a POS she actually is. 

grannyd's picture

Hey, Floral,

As I mentioned in a previous blog, you pulled the short straw when the BMs were dispensed. Ill-fated you, Floral, got the crazy lady who haunts your husband’s soccer games (despite the fact that they’ve been divorced for eight years), worked as a lap dancer, had her daughter make false abuse claims, compromised your relationship with your sister and so much more! How you’ve restrained yourself from throttling the woman is a testament to your endurance. And BTW, does the harpy still intrude on the dinner dates of her father and your sister? 

With so much evidence of BM’s alcoholism, neglect and unbalanced behaviour (recalling the fit that she threw in front of her child’s school faculty) she stands a good chance of losing custody of the children. Women like BM are loath to forfeit the income that child support generates; she might just improve her conduct if your DH threatened to take action against her. Something to consider?

Yesterdays's picture

I would keep a solid record with evidence... In case... Wow, just wow. With all the alcoholism and negligence with child care of young children.. Have you ever called CPS on her? 

floralsm's picture

No but DH has the documentation and that message to her was definitely a warning that she better sharpen up or he will. If it happens again definitely will be making a phone call. 

floralsm's picture

Ooof. Yeah we have but it will be dragging her through court and lots of $$. I think at this stage it's documentation and confronting her and making her accountable is what he's doing at the moment. We get the skids back this week so watch this space if she actually stayed home with them this weekend. 

Rags's picture

BMs like your Skid's will always be what they are.  Even if upon occasion they attain a little shine when they have a rare spritz of decency.

I am sorry that your SKids have that turd to deal with for life.


Yesterdays's picture

I would call child services or the cops next time the 10 year old is left home alone for hours with mom away drunk at the bar 

floralsm's picture

The skids are victims of her narcissistic parenting and manipulation from a very young age so yeah it's super frustrating when they defend her. 

justmakingthebest's picture

Even though it isn't your responsibility to do this, have you considered getting the kids a prepaid cell phone to call you guys? I would get a cheap on with a cheap plan but they need to be able to call for help if that happens again. I would also make sure that they know to call you and that you will be there right away to pick them up.

Did you look up the laws in your state about kids being left alone. I know if varies state to state but some have some specific laws! 

Winterglow's picture

And if you have to go and get them, do your best to be accompanied by a police officer so that they can report that the child was effectively alone and had been so for X time.

floralsm's picture

Well there is an iPad that SD can contact DH on using their wifi.. but I think SD must have had it with her that weekend SS was alone (she stayed over a friends house apparently). 
His 11th birthday is coming up in July so apparently SS said he will be getting BMs old phone so he can hopefully be able to contact DH very soon. 

MissK03's picture

No concern for anyone else's lives. Only theirs. When the skids used to go to BMs EOWE.. there were soo mang excuse on dropping them off early, not taking them when she should etc... the 6 days a month she had them always came with something half the time. 

Only way to combat this is boundaries. Otherwise they will continue to stomp.

floralsm's picture

Yep unfortunately BM couldn't give two effs about the time, so it's just waiting until she rocks up. I make DH drops them off to hers on the way to his job (so not really out of his way) if it's a day that falls onto me looking after them. That way she has them dropped to her on her day at like 7am and i don't wait around all day for her.

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Wow I feel so bad for those kids . I wonder why your DH didn't just text BM earlier in the day to say "hey be here at this time for the kids " and not wait on her since she has a history of being flaky? 

floralsm's picture

Oh he does, she doesn't respond until so many hours later anyway. He told her to scroll back through their communication and see that it's always him chasing her when she is getting here to get them. I think with FIL there he didn't bother assuming she would randomly rock up where she has done that before. 

Lillywy00's picture

Technically she could have left SS with the uncle (as long as he's not abusive or neglectful) but yeah whoever she hires to look after him ultimately she is responsible for the outcomes. 

sounds like the ball was dropped by leaving 11 yo by themselves overnight. 

floralsm's picture

Yeah we know her brother really well and there's no way he would have left SS on his own. She would have asked him and he said 'nope i have plans and left' and she would have had to either stay home or go.. and she chose to go, but put the blame on her brother. She's a POS. 

Rags's picture

At 12yo SS would get home from school about 2hrs before either his mom or me.  He had a key, and would go in the house, lock the door and start his homework.

While he might not actually start his homework, he did not do anything stupid.

A couple of hours after school is one thing. Overnight alone that young, not a chance.  Never.

floralsm's picture

Yeah just pure neglect on her part. DH has it documented and documented his confrontation to her where her excuses are there. 
Also the fact she said 'I don't know who you have been talking too, but get your facts straight' makes me believe she definitely was at that club and wondering who it was that told DH she was there' but in actual fact it was SS that told DH and told him the truth he had no means of contact. She stuffed up big time and now one little slip up happens again, she won't have a leg to stand on.