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Anxiety and SS behaviour

Floral_SM's picture

I booked and visited my doctor today. My parents took my 8 month baby and I was alone in a room with a health professional for the very first time. I am still breastfeeding and currently not working. He asked me how am I going and I broke down in tears. 

I spoke of my dysfunctional family relationship with my siblings, the toxic BM, the stress of coping with the skids, the worry of my hormones after putting the implant in over 6 months ago. I admitted I feel overwhelmed with my housework, I can't relax, trouble sleeping, my DH is working, going to gym, studying, and I'm feeling resentment about it because I'm home alone with a baby. I went out for a simple walk around the block yesterday and it was so hard for me to achieve. When I got home I couldn't find my phone and realised I dropped it! My anxiety nearly killed me when I had to rush back out the house, quickly put my baby back in her pram and find it in the middle of the path. The effort to get dressed and showered for the day is a big milestone for me these days too. On behalf of DH I told him about SS8 having possible ADHD and the behaviour issues and he agreed to see him in a separate appointment. In the end my doctor gave me medication, forms for my bloods to be checked and a referral to speak to someone.

 When DH came home and I spoke with him, he was already strained from a hard days work but listened. I told him SS has been difficult to deal with this week. He's been cocky, giving me attitude and very attention demanding. For example, SS pulled out his homework to do but then decided to eat an onion as an apple when I was cooking dinner last night and DH encouraged him and even recorded it on his phone. It was evident I was annoyed because his showing off behaviour was getting on my nerves, and when DH walked away, SS spoke to me rudely demanding when I would be finished cooking. When DH came back in the room, SS pretended to be focused on his homework and brought up how crazy he was eating thst stupid raw onion. DH laughed at him and I'm standing there cooking, feeding my baby and feeling annoyed at SS and DH not seeing what's going on. I used this as an example of how my anxiety is fed when DH encourages SS's attention seeking behaviour like that and DH got defensive. I saw this coming, I hate telling DH when his kids act out. I was honest and said you don't need to over compensate to SS by filming him when he's acting out in an attention seeking way. Well that didn't go down well. DH went to bed early and said we can talk tomorrow morning over breakfast. 

SS has these moments where he acts like a self entitled brat. He and SD were on the trampoline outside while I spoke with DH about my doctor visit. SD came inside crying saying SS did something to her and DH immediately snapped at her to get in the shower and not wanting to hear it. When DH went to get SS inside, SS must have assumed he was going to get in trouble and cracked his usual bratty tantrums and stormed off to his bedroom before DH even said anything. I couldn't help but roll my eyes and DH stormed off himself to his bedroom and I was alone cooking dinner with my baby (again!). It wasn't a good night but DH has cooled down, and  I'm speaking to him today over breakfast. I'm also planning to fill my script in today to start my medication for my anxiety. Hopefully things will improve.


tog redux's picture

If DH can't be around to parent him, can SS go with BM more? I know she's awful, but you and your baby's well-being have to take priority.  

Floral_SM's picture

This has crossed my mind, but I know DH won't accept less time with the kids. He's afraid they will be raised worse than what they already are exposed to in her environment. He's agreed to take SS to work with him and I can stay home with SD. That's not too bad, SD is fortunately very capable of occupying her own mind these days. 

justmakingthebest's picture

If he isn't the one around then he isn't accepting "less time". He would just be giving you the break you need. Your needs matter. You matter. Your health matters.

BethAnne's picture

I've a three month old sleeping on me right now, and I can empathise with the struggles of trying to hold everything together with him and the housework and personal care and those daily walks that I feel I ought to do but am not getting to. Every time I speak to my mother ( a couple of times a week) she asks me if we have been for a walk that day....most of the time I have not but I have just given up and tell her that I have. 

With all the other issues that you have outlined it is very understandable that you feel overwhelmed. I'm lucky as my husband works from home and does most of our cooking, but I still feel like I never get anything done and am the one left holding/feeding/changing/entertaining the baby most of the time. 

If I were you I might be tempted to set up a nannycam or just have your phone strategically placed and recordibg when you suspect your ss will act out behind his dad's back. That way you will have some proof to show your husband how rude your ss is to you.

I hope the meds help you feel a bit better. It seems though that you also need some extra support or fewer "duties" as you have a lot on your plate.

Floral_SM's picture

Thanks for your reply BethAnne. It's nice to hear of someone that can relate to feel how impossible leaving the house for a simple walk can be. I have actually considered recording SS when I'm alone with him, we shall see how he goes after the chat DH had with him last night. I know my name must be mud over in his mothers household, and in his grandfathers thanks to my sister hating my guts at the moment. I'll try and keep rising above it and hope these meds work too.

DH has tried to 'help' me by saying I now longer need not to worry about money as I can stay home with our baby. I know where he is coming from, working 6 days now, but I am a very independent person. It was a huge adjustment for me to give up work to focus on our baby. I was on a salary at the age of 19, and worked full time until I fell pregnant a year ago. I will have a think though on your advice on duties I do, because I do a lot where he could easily help out with. That's the hardworking side of me breaking through.

The_Upgrade's picture

I totally understand where you're coming from. Today my sister came to my house with her one month old and sat at the table crying into her lunch while I held her baby. She has no stepkids, just a baby and she's already overwhelmed. Add on the stress of looking after disrespectful kids that aren't even yours and it's no wonder you feel like you're losing the plot.

Floral_SM's picture

That's nice to hear you are there for your sister. I say that because there is a 10 year gap with my sister and 8 year gap with my brother and my sister resented my parents for choosing to have me. She feels her family was complete with just her and my brother. Taking on the role of the bigger sister and the eldest didn't sit with her and it's just destroyed our relationship. 
Yeah it's very overwhelming just for your own kids! I hope your sister is ok.