Anxiety and SS behaviour
I booked and visited my doctor today. My parents took my 8 month baby and I was alone in a room with a health professional for the very first time. I am still breastfeeding and currently not working. He asked me how am I going and I broke down in tears.
I spoke of my dysfunctional family relationship with my siblings, the toxic BM, the stress of coping with the skids, the worry of my hormones after putting the implant in over 6 months ago. I admitted I feel overwhelmed with my housework, I can't relax, trouble sleeping, my DH is working, going to gym, studying, and I'm feeling resentment about it because I'm home alone with a baby. I went out for a simple walk around the block yesterday and it was so hard for me to achieve. When I got home I couldn't find my phone and realised I dropped it! My anxiety nearly killed me when I had to rush back out the house, quickly put my baby back in her pram and find it in the middle of the path. The effort to get dressed and showered for the day is a big milestone for me these days too. On behalf of DH I told him about SS8 having possible ADHD and the behaviour issues and he agreed to see him in a separate appointment. In the end my doctor gave me medication, forms for my bloods to be checked and a referral to speak to someone.
When DH came home and I spoke with him, he was already strained from a hard days work but listened. I told him SS has been difficult to deal with this week. He's been cocky, giving me attitude and very attention demanding. For example, SS pulled out his homework to do but then decided to eat an onion as an apple when I was cooking dinner last night and DH encouraged him and even recorded it on his phone. It was evident I was annoyed because his showing off behaviour was getting on my nerves, and when DH walked away, SS spoke to me rudely demanding when I would be finished cooking. When DH came back in the room, SS pretended to be focused on his homework and brought up how crazy he was eating thst stupid raw onion. DH laughed at him and I'm standing there cooking, feeding my baby and feeling annoyed at SS and DH not seeing what's going on. I used this as an example of how my anxiety is fed when DH encourages SS's attention seeking behaviour like that and DH got defensive. I saw this coming, I hate telling DH when his kids act out. I was honest and said you don't need to over compensate to SS by filming him when he's acting out in an attention seeking way. Well that didn't go down well. DH went to bed early and said we can talk tomorrow morning over breakfast.
SS has these moments where he acts like a self entitled brat. He and SD were on the trampoline outside while I spoke with DH about my doctor visit. SD came inside crying saying SS did something to her and DH immediately snapped at her to get in the shower and not wanting to hear it. When DH went to get SS inside, SS must have assumed he was going to get in trouble and cracked his usual bratty tantrums and stormed off to his bedroom before DH even said anything. I couldn't help but roll my eyes and DH stormed off himself to his bedroom and I was alone cooking dinner with my baby (again!). It wasn't a good night but DH has cooled down, and I'm speaking to him today over breakfast. I'm also planning to fill my script in today to start my medication for my anxiety. Hopefully things will improve.