You are here

New Poll - SD marriage

Elea's picture

For those of you who are in my shoes, meaning you have young adult SD's that you have no relationship with and you have a DH that is a great guy, he loves you, treats you well and generally does what he says he will do within the context of our relationship.

Or if you are not in my shoes but you can imagine being in my shoes please vote in the following poll.

When your SD gets married would you rather

1. Go

2. Don't Go

to her wedding.

If she doesn't put your name on the wedding invitation and only addresses the invitation to your DH, does it change your answer?


notarelative's picture

My choice would have been to not go. But, I went. I went because DH wanted me there.

Invitation. -- SD was at our house and mentioned that they weren't sure how to word the invitations. They were thinking about just their names or using both his mom and DH (other bio parents were deceased). DH was paying for 90% of the wedding expenses. I spoke up and said that traditionally the person paying for the wedding was named. Invitations were printed with Mr. John Smith invites you to the wedding of his daughter.... DH and SD addressed them one afternoon (I left the house). So no invitation was mailed to us. 

A family invitation addressed to one half of a married couple is just wrong. If such an invitation had arrived at our home, DH would have been furious. He absolutely would have called her on it. If she had insisted I not be there, he would have rescinded his financial involvement and would not have gone.

Winterglow's picture

Your name isn't on the invitation? Seriously? Your partner needs to raise merry hell that your name was left off.If that isn't remedied then he doesn't go. Yes, you go and you do it in style! Show the brat what a beautiful woman looks like. She's probably never seen class before. Go and have the time of your life

Elea's picture

There is no marriage proposal happening anytime in the foreseeable future as SD26 can't keep a boyfriend to save her life but she has sent invitations for other important events, such as college graduation where the invite was addressed to DH only. So, I suspect she would have no qualms about doing the same with a wedding invite. Hopefully someone steps in to tell her how rude that would be to her Father even more so than to me.  Her stance is that it is rude to HC BM for me to be there. (Assuming she ever gets married)

SeeYouNever's picture

I think my southern Belle would come out. If we got an invite with just my DH's name on it we would both just act as though I were also invited. I would just act like it was an oversight because it is so unimaginably rude to not invite a spouse. I would play dumb about the invite and make her explicitly tell me I'm not invited.

Merrigan's picture

If I was specifically invited, I'd go. If not, I'd make DH buy me a new dress, shoes, a bottle of wine, and a delivery steak dinner for the day of the wedding, so I could stay home and have a luxurious evening alone while he plays happy Disney daddy at the wedding. 

JRI's picture

I went to both of SD's weddings.  First time, we were paying for it all and I was doing 95% of the work so no question.  I shopped extensively for a killer dress and looked as good as I could.  BM was there, lots of attention paid to her but whatever.  My only downer was a period during the reception when I found myself sitting alone at our table but the upside was SD was somebody elses's problem (for awhile).  

The second time, SD and BM planned and someone else paid for the reception (she and hubby2 were married in a private cetemony).   I went as a guest, don't recall many details.  Again, glad she was someone else's problem (for awhile) since she and GD had moved in with us between hubbys.

JRI's picture

If an invitation arrived with only DH's name, he should call SD and mention the "error" and hear her reply and respond accordingly.  If an error, "ok, we will see you then".  If intentional omission, "sorry, I hope all goes well".  

ndc's picture

I-m so happy This. With the caveat that if daddy's wife isn't invited, daddy's financial assistance for the wedding is withdrawn as well.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

I've been to 2 skid weddings. BioHo was a bloody nightmare at SS23's and I was in the MOG role for the entire thing. I was MOH for SD26. BioHo behaved until she got drunk. Which was about 9am the morning of the wedding. Still need to share all of that, dangit.

Even if I had not been listed on the invite, DH would have insisted I attend. And I would go. Had they barred or booted me, DH was on board to leave as well. Yes, we discussed all of this beforehand. 

CajunMom's picture

and I'll skip any more that happen. I'm in your relationship with DHs kids. Haven't seen them in 5 years. He sees his kids without me and away from our home. The invitation actually had my name on it. Now, realize I haven't spoken to this man in 3 years when he sent the invite. And he is a huge part of the problem within DHs crew of kids. So, nah...didn't go. Didn't even acknowledge the invite. 

Weddings are meant to be fun. And I'm positive there would be NO fun at any of SK's weddings. Just more slights and BS. I can imagine picture time. Ugh. No. Even if we were to "reconcile" the blend, it will NEVER be a fun and happy thing. As my own daughter said, way too much water under the bridge. My plan is...if we ever come in contact to use the Grey Rock principals. (Thank you, StepTalk). And it would not bother me one bit if I never saw DHs kids again. I could still kick myself for tolerating that horrid behaviors directed at me for 12+ years.

1st3rd5thWEInHell's picture

If I were you, i wouldnt go unless you are specifically invited. Then if you are specifically invited, it would be best to go since your husbands feeling might get hurt and you say he is good to you and generally supports you so I think you should support him in his joyous and sad moments


In MY situation, I wouldnt go to any event involving steps and their BMs. In any way, they wouldnt invite me. My husband asked me to come to one of the steps graduation but I wont. Thats for him and BM to deal with. I gave a clear no and he tried to make me go but he cant.

floralsm's picture

Hmm I would go definitely as DH wife, and if my name was off the invite DH would rain hell on SD so if she's smart she will put it on or deal with his angry wrath. He wouldn't let that go as I would have helped raised her most of her entire life.

thinkthrice's picture

To any event, graduations, weddings, birthdays, etc

Less than 20% from informal guesstimate based on this forum.

CLove's picture

I would go.

missgingersnap2021's picture

I will go to SD's wedding if she ever gets married just to look like a united front with DH and to not let her think she can come between us! 

Lifer33's picture

What happened to my brother when his hideous step daughters both got married, AND  how weddings tend to pan out on this forum... I am a 10000 percent sure I wouldn't attend my skids wedding. Dh and dd would be going with my blessing,  but I've got at least 10 years one hopes,  to have 'my bad, so sorry I've double booked' (honestly how much would a trip to everest base camp be, I wonder) can't think of anywhere further away as an excuse 

SeeYouNever's picture

I don't think DH and I would be invited. If he is invited it would be difficult not to invite me since DH and I share kids so she would have to make it clear who isn't and isn't invited.

I really have no idea what SD will end up doing but I am leaning towards her not inviting DH, me or our kids judging by how past events have gone.

An invite is probably going to be contingent on him spending thousands of dollars towards her wedding or something.

If I'm perfectly honest I don't actually think my SD will get married. And if she does I think it will be late in life.

AlmostGone834's picture

We will be invited. I will go for DH and to keep peace with Little Idiot. I hate weddings. I will hate this one as well. 

justmakingthebest's picture

I don't even want to go to my SS18's high school graduation this spring. At this point, even if he called and personally invited me and asked me to be part of the ceremony, I think I would decline. I don't want to be in the same room with him or his mother ever again. 

SS22, however... IF he ever dated and got to the point of marriage... I would be there, front and center and make sure that we had a mother/son dance! 

It all depends on what you relationship is with the adult child. I obviously have 2 skids, 2 BM's and 2 very different experiences. 

Rags's picture

Be radiant, you and DH beam your happiness.