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g-d damn

Elea's picture

Some days I feel like I am parenting DH and SD26. One thing is clear is that if one day I walk away I will be fully equipped to live a normal life while these 2 continue their dysfunction and eventually scare off the next woman. It's not me. It's THEM!


Just K's picture

My DH was the perpetual 'victim' when I met him. 

The ex-wife was evil incarnate!   

I thought I was 'rescuing' him, Dude-in-Distress, from the fire-breathing monster, the BM.  

Then Reality set in! 

Moving forward five + years, I can understand why the ex-wife left his high-conflict ass! LOL!  My DH and his entire side of his family is high-conflict, and so is the BM, for sure!   That's why she was his choice to breed with. 

Some days [sigh]  I think I will leave - but I'm saddened at the fact, yes, the fact that if I did leave, the next 'victim' would think I'm evil incarnate, and the cycle would repeat again. Do you hear me?

These people are like Hillbillies; they fight and cause drama among themselves.

Can you hear the dueling banjos playing in the background?  

However, if a stranger - the step-parent usually comes into the picture - their dysfunction shifts to destroy the healthiest person.  Once the 'threat' is eliminated, they return to fighting among themselves. 

They are ONLY happy when they are fighting or wallowing in their dysfunction! 



StepUltimate's picture

You got that right - so right I had to check to see if I authored the 1st few sentences, 'cuz you're telling my story! 


1st3rd5thWEInHell's picture

This is like a page of my personal diary lol

All of the "parents" involved in my steplife have dysfunction and are high conflict. This is exactly why these ppl breed with each other like u said.

I realized this within 3 or 4 years of being married. Everyone is now mostly cut off or has barely any access or communication with me. Weirdly, because I am so uninvolved, they started to ask about me and like me now. The steps have 0 interaction with me and BM2 wants to talk to them and help them improve their relationship with me. She offered a group discussion with them and their dad about me but did not invite me. Basically they are gojng to discuss me and the relationship with the kids (or lack thereof) while im not there and not even ask me my input...

I told my husband to quit wasting time making reunions about me with your exes and he got upset at me. I dont care and the time that I used to care has passed.

It really will drive them crazy if you 100% ignore them and remain gone. Now the narrative is that they are victims trying to work things out lol

Just K's picture

Robert Green, author of the 48 Laws of Power wrote, "

Law 7. Get Others to Do the Work for You, but Always Take the Credit

Never do for yourself what the efforts of others can do for you. Use their wisdom and knowledge to further your own cause. In doing so, you will appear intimidatingly efficient and knowledgeable. Ultimately, those who worked for you will be forgotten, and you will be remembered. 

You, like me, are just commodities (useful idiots) to these people - to use and discard.  These people with the 'helpless baby bird syndrome' instinctively understand this law of power. 

Get some dumb ass to do all the heavy lifting to make their lives easy.  

If you leave one day, like if I leave one day - what will these people do?  They will go out and find another fool to use, or that would be their goal. That's what they would do.  These people have TOO MUCH self-importance and not enough self-respect to do their own heavy lifting. Early in life, as everyone does, they were presented with two paths: one to self-respect - to take care of themselves or, the other path - self-importance- however, these people took the easy path in life - they learn how to manipulate and use learned helplessness to their advantage.  

Good that you have the confidence to go on with your life.  If you do, learn not to get trapped by manipulative, lazy-ass people who use learned helplessness to exploit others- the ex-wife of my DH said (when she was married to my DH) that she had not two but THREE KIDS to raise. 

I now know what she meant! She was no saint - but being in her shoes for five + years - I understand what she went through.  


Elea's picture

a Philosophy I saw on Oprah which is "You teach people how to treat you." In my case teaching DH that I will be treated well even when SD is here is a work in progress. SD26 is learning that she has to fit into our bubble not that we will fit into hers. This is our home, our ways and our rules. She is currently throwing herself a pity party that she didn't get to swoop in here and be the queen bee like she is with DH and YSD or her BM and YSD. It's not my problem that she never learned her role in a family. 
DH's overall actions are good so I give him space to learn and to f*ck up.

If I find that he is a full on "high conflict" individual I would get divorced. I was married to a HC person, my kids bio Dad, and I will never tolerate it again.