You are here

The consequences of never being criticized….

AlmostGone834's picture

As I've posted about several times- Little Idiot (SD22.5) is drowning in debt. Credit card debt, personal loans, student loans, her expensive auto payment for her new vehicle and expensive insurance not to mention her spending on expensive clothes, shoes, and DoorDash every single day. I suspected long ago that she was a shop-a-holic and I was right. 

Well since she is connected to DH through the same Apple ID for music, somehow the apps she downloads on her phone occasionally shore up on his. In the middle of the night last night, she must have downloaded an app for mental health. It's an app for journaling to "increase positivity and deal with negative thoughts". 

All her life she has never been told to change or d for anything. Every choice she made, good and bad, was always fine with her father. Now here we are. The man couldn't even tell her she needs to save and not spend so much because he was afraid of upsetting her. Well seems she might be a bit upset these days now that she's in a hole and trying to dig herself out.


DarkStar's picture

like you used to!!!!!  At least, I don't think so. I thought the feds cracked down on frivolous spending as an excuse to file bankruptcy.  I know my ex tried to file after we split and got DENIED.

If she doesn't change her spendy ways, she's in for a rude awakening.  Some employers even check your credit rating, depending on the type of job you have.

JRI's picture

The best, but hardest, way to learn the things your DH didn't want to teach is by making mistakes and experiencing the results of our poor judgement.  The school of hard knocks is in session, LI.

hereiam's picture

Not only not being criticized or corrected, but not even being taught about these things. I mean, I don't remember my parents sitting me down and teaching me this stuff in school lesson style, but you know, things were said and taught along the way.

I remember after I bought my second used car my dad immediately asked me if I was saving for my next one. He instilled in me that you don't just go along hoping things will work out (or magically appear) when you need it to. You plan and you save. And yes, sometimes you sacrifice. Sometimes, you say, "No," to yourself and do not buy everything that you want. Is that always fun? No, but it beats being in debt. At least, that's how I feel. I know some people don't mind being in debt!

I hope LI learns sooner than later.

reedle2021's picture

I recall my parents lecturing us all randomly about financial responsibility (and other life things).  Sometimes they'd make it a point to sit us down individually and other times it was just lectures along the way.  The lectures were also about work ethic and just being a responsible adult (i.e., leave for work on time, don't call in, be respectful of boss and employees even if you don't like them, etc).  We were sat down individually and taught how to balance our checking accounts, how to budget our money, etc.  Safe sex and avoidance of pregnancy before one was ready was also brought up by our parents too, individually, my dad would talk to my brothers and my mom to me and my sister.  I mean, my parents weren't helicopter parents at all but they made it a point to address LIFE. 

My ex never did those things with his manchild.  Ever.   He was always allowed to run wild, no boundaries, no expectations, what little money he earns he blows on fun stuff immediately - now at 21 he is still a child.  My ex has set his manchild up for failure in life and for dependency on him.  I don't think my ex SS will ever be able to move out on his own, but IF he ever does, I think he'll be in the same situation as Little Idiot. 

Rags's picture

standards of behavior and performance ,and enforcing them.

When they transition to the adult phase, completing the growing up activities can happen on their own time and their own dime in their own space  if they do not do as they are told by the magnanimous parents or adults who are funding them.

My Aunt (Mom's sister) and Uncle were supporting their eldest grand daughter. Paying for her college, rent, food, provided a car, etc... My Aunt is rabidly averse to tatoos.  When her grand daughter posted a pic on FB of her new several $Hundred art work, my Aunt immediately cut her off. Cold turkey.  My Aunt's perspective was that if the grand daughter had the money for a tat, she could pay for her own college and living expenses.

If your SD is such an idiot to put herself in that much debt, let her starve until she figures it out.

I would.

Pretty simple.

IMHO of course.