It's OK because your husband agrees to attend. The first request was a test to see what they could get away with. Your taught them that excluding you was perfectly fine. Now that is the norm.

Your DH really is an idiot. If there other 'blooooood' family members are bringing their spouses why should he be going along with this stupidity?

Most of these men have mush for brains.

This is a DH problem. He needs to refuse to go unless you are invited also. Not sure that I would WANT to go...

What was the line I read on another post the other day, something like, "I don't like going to these things because I'm alone, yet expected to participate." That line spoke volumes to me. Pretty much summed up a SM's life in a nutshell when it comes to these type of family events. Even though DH, your darling husband may be there, you feel alone, are treated like the invisible woman, yet you are expected to participate and mind-your-place, whatever the H- that means, because I always thought a wife's place was by her husband's side.

I'm coming to the conclusion that SMs need to stick up for themselves more at these type of events and put an end to this type of nonsense. Go to these events and sit on your husband's lap and start cooing into his ear, for instance. If they try to sit you in the back row, away from your husband, at any wedding or event, get up and move right next to him. The SKs and other family members need a wake-up call that you are a married couple and should be treated as a married couple. You don't even need to necessarily be that obvious. Call him "dear" whenever his family members are around, or "snookems," whatever works. Maybe it will start sinking into at least a couple of their brains that you are (gasp!) married.

I'll share with you something my counselor told me. Whatever you do sets a standard so if your husband allows this the kids will expect it in future events. If they are allowed to exclude you and your husband finds it acceptable and goes without you the kids will continue and expect the same. It begins with our husband. In my opinion this is not acceptable and your husband is disrespecting you by allowing this. I feel your husband has two choices....tell his children that he will only attend all functions if you are invited and attend, or he chooses to not attend these functions any longer. He should not feel obligated to these get togethers. It is way past time for the two of you to start spending holidays together as a couple. Make this year a new beginning for you both and make your plans together for the two of you.

My skids tried this BS on numerous occasions. They would call DH to meet them at a restaurant. I think DH maybe went for it a time or two. Money has always been an issue so I think he finally caught on that he was being used to pay the bill and that it wasn't that they truly wanted to see him or spend time with him. He would say to me "oh, you could have come".
Then they started a new angle...they wanted DH to come to BM's house for dinner and to see his Gskid when the BM's SO was out of town on business. He told them no.
At that point the light must have went off because he told them that he was sure that no name would not appreciate him having dinner at BM's and neither would BM's SO.
From that point forward he would respond with let me check with no name and get back to you. If we could afford it we would go and that has been maybe just one time in the past year.
I think your DH needs to state that he will check with you and get back to them if "we can go". Sometimes it is very difficult to be in attendance but at least you know what is going on.

What are the views on step parents following step kids on social media? My husband has two daughters that he allowed to have instagram accounts even though bm is against it. He told his daughters to keep it to themselves, but I know she's going to find at some point. My husband feels their is nothing wrong with his daughters having social media in their lives. BM gave their oldest daughter a cell phone but she has every restriction enabled she possibly can. The daughter is only allowed certain contacts, no friends and no extended family. She just barely approved me as a contact.

They want to follow me and my children, I told sd's that they could not follow my kids but I am allowing them to follow me, mostly so I can make sure they are being safe, but this comes at a big risk for me due to the fact that bm hates me.

Thoughts ?

Why is it okay?? It most certainly is NOT. SHAME on your DH for him allowing this to happen. I would make damn good and sure to be ANYWHERE doing SOMETHING super fun or maybe even something that might rankle your DH a bit ANY time he would think it is okay to leave me alone because I am not invited somewhere and he IS!

I would be livid if my husband accepted an invitation to spend time with his adult kids that did not include me. My 33 year old SD still think she's daddy's girl and would want nothing more than spend time with him that didn't include me. She hasn't accepted me from day 1 and was upset when we announced we were getting married almost 2 years ago.

The other day she asked him "are you sure you're not coming for Thanksgiving?" even after he said we weren't coming by. Her BM will be there. She and my husband had a very nasty divorce (which happened long before I met him) and can't be in the same room with one another. I snapped and said, "what doesn't she get when you already said we weren't going". He got defensive, but I added, "why would she think we were coming when we're always made to feel unwelcome".

Gotta love the holidays.

Its not okay. I would not tolerate it were I you. I would go, I would look great, be happy, and let the cockroaches scurry for the dark corners when they see me coming.

Have fun wizzing in their Cherios when you show up. Have fun inducing their discomfort. }:)

If they want to play the toxic idiot game, go win it with class and grace.

It is not ok..your dh is an ass for not standing by you...He doesn't have to insist on them inviting you...but He should send the message that if you are not welcome then he won't be gong somewhere who treats his wife like that....If he doesn't stand up for your honor as his wife..he doesn't deserve you....peace

Wow, can't imagine how hard that is - and how hurtful! Why can't people understand this - it's hard enough to be a stepparent, let alone being purposely excluded. Sorry.

It's "OK" in their eyes because DH was supposed to remain celibate after the split (or death) from their mother. DH was supposed to cater to every whim of his adult children and derive happiness from their and the grandchildren's lives. He's to be there as a wallet and best friend. DH is not allowed to have his needs met or plan for his own future or happiness with a new spouse, his one purpose is to be supportive of them financially, emotionally and amass wealth to leave behind for them.

It sounds like your DH is playing along with this fantasy so as to not create waves in their idea of the perfect still intact nuclear family. If they ignore you and get DH to do the same, you don't exist and they win.

No way in hell would I put up with this shit. I've had to pull the uber bitch (aka, I'm the wife) card several times with the adult skids. They don't like it and it created HUGE rifts with DH and I for a time, but oh the hell well. If you're being treated like you're invisible by your own DH what's the point of being married?! Stir the pot girl, I got your back!