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things I hate

reeny511's picture

Dreading the weekend. I hate the way I’m feeling already. I’m the adult in this situation, right? So why do I feel guilty because I don’t want SD around with her gloom and doom face? She’s the child! She’s the one that should be dreading coming over and dealing with ME!

I hate that when I leave work today and go home she will be there and wont even address me or her sister when I get home. She will totally ignore my BD3 who is her half sister and doesn’t understand why her big sister wont give her a hug or pay attention to her.

I hate that in the car she has to have the radio station of her choosing and sing every song on the radio as if she has the greatest voice in the world (she doesn’t).

I hate that when we go to a restaurant I can’t sit with my own husband because she has major snit fit if she can’t sit next to daddy!

I hate that she feels she can walk into the master bedroom anytime she wants without even knocking and I can't get dressed in my own room without having to look over my shoulder.

I hate that when SD11 is punished she takes it out on her sister BD3. I hate the feeling that I cannot leave them alone because SD might do something to harm BD. (and then just say "sorry - I didn't mean it"

I hate that SD11 has no respect for adults and back talks everyone and GETS AWAY WITH IT. I want to smack that smirk off her face every time.

I hate that SD DEMANDS that we buy her a Halloween costume and when I said “No - not with that attitude, you can just go with your mom to the Halloween store”, she replies with “My mom has done everything and sacrificed everything for me and you all have done nothing for me. The least daddy could do is buy me a costume”. REALLY? - we freakin buy everything for her AND her mom and she feels so entitled its sickening!

I hate that SD11 says that she is the firstborn so therefore she is prettier, smarter and more deserving of daddy’s love than BD3. (then say "just kidding!") She says that BD3 is a brat and she never acted that way when she was her age. Yeah right! SD STILL acts like a spoiled brat (tantrums and all).

I hate it that DH and SD can spend the whole day together alone (father/daughter time without me and BD3) SD will still look at BD3 with disgust the minute DH shows any affection to BD3.

I hate that my DH has to answer the phone every time BM calls because it might be SD calling! BM calls ALL THE TIME. Forget telling her to call only when it’s an emergency because EVERYTHING is an emergency. She cant pay for internet so we cannot communicate by e-mail.

I hate that we are practically supporting BM because she cant keep a job, has no car or driver’s license and would be homeless without us. And don’t say try for full custody because we did and lost! $10,000 down the drain. And we can’t have the mother of his child homeless! (gasp - the horror!)

That’s my vent for this Friday. I know it sounds petty but it feels good to get it out there. Smile

apete's picture

It doesn't sound petty, it sounds like you are hurting and frustrated.

DON'T make the same mistakes I did. SD does not have the right to listen to the radio station of her choosing. You can listen to whatever you want.

DON'T fall for the trap of buying everything for her. We did and she still expects it as an adult (or if not for her, then for the grands).

When DH and SD spend a day together, you and BD3 go to Monkey Joe's or for a nice walk in the park or make a play date with someone else.

And DON'T feel bad about the way you feel.

steptwins's picture

Heard that before from SS to DH. YOU NEVER DO ANYTHING FOR ME.
In fact many many times I've heard it. A BM contributes zero, collects child support but DH is supposed to reward SS for basically breathing on his own.

MaGoose2010's picture

Woo Hoo! that child's a brat! You should be putting your foot squarely down (or sideways up her a$$!! or up DH's for being a disney daddy.)

She needs plenty of disappline for all that behaviour...cell confiscation, no TV, computers etc etc until she apologises properly and starts respecting EVERYONE in her home.

No one DARES touch my radio in the car and if they sing along to the songs, I change the channel. I play all MY music in MY car...uuh tough guys! They usually can't wait to get home to their own music! hehehe

Sorry can't give advise on the BM as I don't deal with her. She tried sh*t with me in the beginning 5 years ago, but I learned a big lesson (as usual SS14 told a lie and said that I had said he must be naughty at his mom's house and she believed him) from that day, I don't even talk to her. FH has all the dealings with her..period.

Good luck. There are lots of people on this site with brilliant tactics to deal with this kind of spoiled rotten brat

oneoffour's picture


Sounds like you have adopt some life preserving techniques.

When she behaves like a brat give her the biggest eye roll you can. When she is mean to BD3 take SD3 and say "I am sorry DD is being so mean. Let's go for icecream."

The sitting at the table thing? Remain standing. Don't sit down. When your DH asks you what is wrong you can tell him in a quiet firm voice..."This time I sit beside you." And remain standing.

I wish I could come over and sort the Entitled One out for you.

ThatGirl's picture

Agreed, you're definitely going to have to put your foot down, and hubby needs to support you on it. He needs to be the one to lay down the law to her, tho, when he's present and she's misbehaving. If he's not around, it's up to you. She has no business taking your spot at the dinner table, no business choosing the radio station, no business in your bedroom.

Most of all, she MUST be courteous to you in YOUR home. This is a big one with me, as my SD17 is doing the same thing. She was visiting over the weekend and wouldn't even acknowledge my presence the entire time. It was horrible, and I felt completely belittled being forced to serve such an ungrateful child. After she left, I talked to my SO about it. He said he had tried talking to her about it and that she wouldn't comply. We both agreed that she is no longer welcome in our home (until such a time as she can apologize and exhibit proper behavior). I realize your SD is younger and you can't just tell her she's no longer welcome, but you can definitely send her into another room.

apete's picture


When my SD26 was about that age, I came out of the shower one day to find out she had laid out the clothes she wanted me to wear INCLUDING MY UNDERWEAR. I felt violated that she had gone through my underwear drawer. DH thought it was cute.

SillyGilly's picture

OMG :jawdrop: That's not normal! However, seeing as how it was years ago - I have to admit your post cracked me up! I don't know what I would do!

hismineandours's picture

Just when I think my ss12 is a problem. I would never let him get away with changing the radio station-or demanding anything of me. I would probably laugh in his face and tell him that gravy train stopped along time ago.
I also experience teh restaurant thing. Not that ss has to sit by dh-but that he will sit anywhere else but next to me. I dont go out to eat with him anymore. Dh will not take him out to a nice restaurant just one on one-so they don't go. Which suits me fine I dont want to spend my money on someone who acts as if I have a disease!
When she comes in your room tell her to go back out and try knocking. If your dh can't set these boundaries then you should. I used to sit and wait for dh to address behavior, but he just didn't. Whether it was becoz he was disney dad or he just didnt get it-it didn't matter-so whenever something involves me or my kids I dont have a problem setting boundaries. On things that only involve ss or my dh, I stay out of it.

reeny511's picture

Yes someone does need to come over and help me straighten out “The Entitled One”. Because you see - I cant do it. Why? Because I’m the wicked stepmother! The minute I put my foot down and demand some respect - I’m seen as mean to and jealous of an 11 year old child. The poor thing is from a broken home and why can’t I just give her a break? She learns those nasty behaviors from her mother so it’s not DH’s fault she acts that way. I just need to be more supportive and loving towards her and everything will be just fine. If I just ignore this behavior, she’ll grow up to be a nice young lady and not at all like her mother. (SARCASTIC TONE HERE) (Excuse me while I go throw up) All I know is that my DH BETTER have a glass of wine waiting for me when I get home!

VAStepMom's picture

I know your pain. This is what I do with the radio situation.

Immediately upon getting in the car, I select a radio station or put in my cd. If she asks if she can turn it to her station, I say...NO... I just selected My station. Then I act all happy about the great music I am listening to.

That will teach her that she is not in charge of the radio.

At dinner time.... quickly grab your seat next to DH. If she pouts... ignore her. If DH tries to get you to move, give him the look that kills and simply state. NO... SD can sit across from you and you and she can visit face to face. Smile

Small victories....change lives.

purpledaisies's picture

reeny I don't care how I'm perceived I put my foot down and NO ONE touches my radio in MY car EVER! Ask my own kids. You NEED to put your foot and don;t worry about what anyone else thinks especially her or her mom!

Persephone's picture

Not petty at all.. I can relate... I always got the gloom and doom on Friday afternoons.. Like a big blob of fog was coming...

We fixed a few of your (our) grievances:

We have 5 kids so when we would go out to eat.. only precious had to sit by daaady... So I would suggest as my "favorite" restaurant (belch, okay, not THAT bad.) Applebee's. Why? Because they have seating for 4 or 5... and DH & I would have our own table across from the kids. Now SD leaves a seat for me next to DH.. she can sit on the other side.. except she doesn't. Why? No cell phones at dinner table. She tries to sneak her texting in.. DH has even texted her to knock it off.. put it away or hand it over..

Radio---tough noogies... my car. Save up for an Ipod, deary...

We do not buy costumes.. we make them... I taught SS & SD how to sew by hand and w/ a machine... we shop Goodwill. When done... they go into the Halloween box.


DH & I always say Happy Friday when we do not have kids/skids... take time to appreciate the weekend off...

Whateva's picture

wow so sorry, not a petty vent at all. I would be livid
Sound like some serious boundaries need to be set by your DH and you as well as address how you feel alienated when the Skid is over. The problem with some blended scenarios are the extreme behavior by either the BM or the Skids...seem to never be a happy medium


Mamamo's picture

I love it! I feel the same way. Why should we treat these kids good if they treat us like s#@*? Why should we do things for them if they do nothing for us? Why are we always the ones that are wrong for our feelings because we are the adults? These kids know what they are suppose to and not suppose to do. The fathers need to grow some...huh humm... you know. I feel for you and know you are not alone at all! I just am not sure how to fix anything without looking like the bad guy to everyone! Cuz that's what I look like everytime I speak up....

elaine71's picture

DITTO DITTO DITTO....Gosh I'm sooo glad I'm not alone. I started thinking maybe I was just dilusional or crazy.