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Pictures and Games

ICanMakeIt's picture

My DH disengaged with his ex years ago after a bitter divorce and so much money and time being spent arguing with her over basic things. 

He has been parallel parenting vs. coparenting successfully for years. It isn't ideal but it saved his sanity and stress levels have been manageable for a good bit now.

The only communication they have is drop off and pick up times via email. (we are out of state, he has joint custody but non custodial so mainly long summer visitation and holidays.). 

When DH's two kids started kindergarten, my DH went outside the norm and emailed the ex asking for 1st day of school pics. SS (1st kid that started school - he got an email back saying it was raining and they were going to restage another photo another day and no picture ever came.Fast forward a couple years and SD starts kindergarten. DH emails asking for 1st day of school photo and was ignored.

SKs are now in high school and middle school and he has never again asked for pics. WE order the school pics every year after jumping through hoops with the vendor for codes etc.

So SS had homecoming this week and DH asked SS to send him a picture earlier in the week prior to the event. He sent a reminder the night of the event. The day after the event he sends a jokey smiley face to SS asking where his pic is and the response was ..."Mom says if you ask her she'll send it".

Am I wrong to be super annoyed by this? DH told me he isn't going to even open that can of worms and I don't blame him.  


ICanMakeIt's picture

The picture is on mom's phone. Mom is the one being the a-hole. As per usual. 

It's so old, her and her ways. 

ESMOD's picture

I call shenanigins on this.  Mom would be sharing the picture with her son.. and likely with son's date.  It most likely has been posted to social media... It is out there.  The boy is being his mommy's evil monkey.

tog redux's picture

She’s the gatekeeper. Any excuse to show DH who is in control.  BM here is the same way. 

ndc's picture

At least he's not going to ask. Why give BM the satisfaction  since he'd probably not get the picture anyway.  SMH, some parents are just ridiculous.


ICanMakeIt's picture

It seems a real parent would automatically send special event pics to the other parent, but sadly this is never going to be the case with BM. It know it, I get aggravated with myself for being aggravated. I know it is a control thing and a game, but after all this time you would think she knows he isn't playing. Maybe she was testing the waters. I don't know I'm not crazy, I can't think like a crazy person. 

ITB2012's picture

I've watched this play out in my household. XH and I share pics. I've never withheld pictures from him and we've really only split DSs HS graduation pics, regarding who pays for formal pictures.

DH and BM on the other hand are a petty story like yours. DH only gets pictures if he pays for half of them, even the regular school pics, which are what, $25? And yet when we were first married BM sent an avalanche of pictures of the skids to the house and DH felt an obligation to put all of them out. It's been a weird cycle. For example, she won't send him pictures he asks for right away like the school ones, but she will text mulitple pictures of the kids while they are on a vacation with her.

And, don't worry. You may not be crazy now, but they will help you get there.

ICanMakeIt's picture

You can not kidnap your own kids, and she moved before divorce filing. They agreed to mediate but nothing was in writing yet when she hauled a$$. Her "support" system was in the other state and while DH could have fought and made her move back, he was military and didn't know for sure he would be in the same spot forever. That was a huge mistake, and created a long drawn out divorce with lots of $ being spent for absolutely redamndiculousness. 

Suffice to say he learned from all his mistakes and gives warnings to anyone he knows in similiar circumstances.

Harry's picture

He is old enough to send his father pictures himself.  Your DH does not get that this kid does not respect him as his father,  I would remember this as. Christmas rolls up. As if he could not send a picture, maybe his gift will reflect that 

ICanMakeIt's picture

The kid is very compliant and a good kid. He doesn't take selfies, and I totally get that the mom would have been the one to take the pic. On her phone no doubt. He wasn't on Homecoming court but fancy dressed (which he has never been to a dance before so first time). SS doesn't have access to the photo unless she were to send it to him to send to dad. I know..ridiculous,but the kid will not argue with mom, nor do I want him to.

Siemprematahari's picture

It's unfortunate how this BM likes to play these immature petty games. All this nonsense over a photo when it's clear it's all about control. It's like she gets ego strokes if your H "begs or asks" her for a photo of their son......she needs to get a life. You'd think after all this time she'd get over the BS and move on.....


ICanMakeIt's picture

Agree 100% She isn't gonna get the ego stroke she needs. I just hope this isn't a new wave of amping up the crazy again. Its been pretty quiet and I'm enjoying it.