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Missing events

Momma1987TC's picture

My husband has joint custody with his ex, with her being conservatory parent. He has extended weekend custody. That being said he has the right to be at all school functions and be notified of anything education, health wise, etc.

Ok, so here is the problem. The ex-witch won't tell him of any events. In pre-k, he depended on her to tell him. I ofcorse harped on him to find out from the school and he just never got around to it. He just figured with SD only going half day to school they weren't having any school parties or plays or anything like that yet. It wasn't until the last week of school when we missed elementary track day and found out from other friends that SD competed that there was an event and we weren't notified. A few days later I contacted the school about it because it wasn't even posted on the website as an event. While on the phone with the school they tell me about the pre-k graduation that is also not posted on the website that will happen with in a few days. Ex-witch never speaks a word to my husband about this event either. She was stunned to see us there. So this year we have contacted the school and made them aware that the ex wont communicate with him and that the teacher needs to email, call, or text my husband to let him know of any events, or progress, or problems with SD. However, Friday night I find out threw friends on facebook that SD was in the homecoming ceremony. Who the hell would guess that a kindergartener would hold a place in the highschool homecoming ceremony! My husband called his ex and ofcorse they got into a fight about it because it fell in "her time" so she didn't think she was obligated to include him. Since then we have contacted the school and again reminded them to send him anything they send home with the child for the "parents" since she won't share information with him.

What should we do if this continues and the school doesn't do what we ask them? I don't want to play games and exclude her to get back at her. I honestly believe that SD should have both parents present at all events to support her. But the school shouldn't take a side and only supply information to one parent.

ksmom14's picture

It would be great if the school would supply your DH the information, but in all honesty, they have a TON of kids to worry about, and a lot of those kids probably have split parents. I wouldn't be surprised if they don't send the information twice to make sure both parents get it, in their eyes, as long as A parent of the child is aware, that's good enough for them. It would be a lot easier and nice if they made a point to let both parents know, but I don't really see it happening.

Evil stepmonster's picture

Try to get her teachers email address. If DH is to busy or just forgets you can email the teacher every Monday and ask about any events or parties or anything going on. Sign DH's name to the emails, not to be sneaky or underhanded but for the fact that if BM doesn't want you there and she catches wind of the emails she can demand that the teacher give you no further information reguarding her child which she would have the right to do despite any permissions your DH gives the school about you.
Truth is, taking her to court won't solve it. The judge can tell her you need to let her father know but if she doesn't want him there she doesn't have to tell him anything. It is very sad the way the court systems allow mothers to treat the fathers of their kids as nothing more than atm machines and exclude them from their childs lives. It is up to the father to make the effort and show his daughter that he's there and wants to be there despite what the bitch says.

ksmom14's picture

Yes I like this idea. Contact the teacher directly and YOU (or really DH) will need to make the effort to ask for updates/information however often you feel is necessary.

Momma1987TC's picture

This is what I did yesterday, via my husband's email address. I sent the teacher an email apologizing again for having to disturb her over such a tedious matter. I asked nicely for her to please scan and email, or snap shot and text anything that she sends home with the child that way I (speaking as my husband) am not left out of the loop since no information will get to me threw my ex since she refuses to share any information.

Evil stepmonster's picture

If the teacher just simply refuses to do that which isn't a difficult task you might need to have a meeting with the principal. Teachers have alotted times during the day for just answering parent emails, at least at my kids schools. You just don't know what kind of things BM has said about either of you to this teacher, so if it seems like she may be taking sides, she probably is and the next above her is the way to go.

onthefence2's picture

This situation you are talking about probably had NOTHING to do with the teacher OR the admin. The way young kids get to do these kinds of things is usually because mom knows a teacher or somehow is involved with organizing homecoming, etc. It's not like they go into classrooms and ask for kids to volunteer or try to find a kid who will/can do it. Elem. teachers go home after work. If they teach young kids they have no clue what's going on at the high school unless they have older kids themselves. This happened ONLY because bm is a witch. Pick your battles with the school. This likely isn't one.

AllySkoo's picture

This was my thought as well, that this probably isn't something her K teacher even knew to email you about since a K teacher is not running a HS homecoming!

I would like to (gently) suggest you not make yourself nuts though. Not DH - YOU. I think it's great that you're an involved SM, and I certainly understand wanting to do some of the work to stay involved. But you said something about Pre-K and your DH "couldn't be bothered" - just make sure you don't end up caring about her school stuff more than he does. It'll make you nuts and set up a ton of resentment in a few years. Make sure Dad is actually doing some of the work to stay involved and updated too, even if you have to delegate stuff to him! But if you've got to "nag" him about it, it is so so so SO not worth it.

Teas83's picture

My husband had a paragraph added to his CO that addresses this. It says that he is entitled to copies of all school correspondence. Right now, BM makes copies of everything she gets. If she stops for some reason, he has the right to get everything directly from the school. The teacher also includes him on any emails that she sends to the parents.

ChickieDee's picture

It definitely seems like it's your husband's responsibility to keep up with things that are going on at school. Why should his ex have to notify you all of the time?