Anyone ever think about persuing a legal career after the crap BMs pull?
The bias in the court system against decent dads is DISGUSTING.
There more I find awesome places like this site, the more horror stories I read about.
After the exhaustive court battles many of us have heard, witnessed, been part of, helped with (documenting) etc., has anyone ever considered going into the field themself and helping to represent some of these folks?
I'm probably past the age of such an endeavor but the thought crossed my mind when BM hired two attorneys in two states and just about bankrupted my DH.
You can CLAIM anything ....it still has to be fought and good luck getting court costs reimbursed. "Poor single mom" BS.
I'm very leery of ever having to go back to court with her. We are still trying to recover several years later. I'm sure we aren't alone and how many kids are "left to the wolves" because of finances understandably.
It's gross.
The attorneys themselves are
The attorneys themselves are a huge part of the problem. No one wins in Family Court except them, they get filthy rich. The better path would be advocating for Family laws to change.
I don't think the vast
I don't think the vast majority of lawyers who practice family law are getting rich. That is not the field to go into if you're in it for the money.
They make $250-$350 dollar an
They make $250-$350 an hour here. You don't think you can get rich on that? When Family Court proceedings drag out like they do? $75 for each email you send? They have scads of money. No - it's not like "Big Law", but you don't work "Big Law" hours or have Big Law stress. But they do great for the work they do.
Sure they are think about it
Sure they are think about it 18-24 years of getting paid by their client that's big money, multiply that by hundreds of clients...they can roll in it.
I agree. IMHO the main
I agree. IMHO the main problem with "family law" is that there is little law at all. It is predominanty case law and not legislated law. Which is why it is all so much of a shit show. Judges make it up as they go and then they all sit around referencing an idiot decision that some other Judge made and call it law. They wrap the stupidity of so many of their rulings in the cloak of "the best interests of the children".
Different jurisdictions can also have supplemental rules that go beyond whatever regulations the state may have. Little if any of it is actually law.
It is all just a huge cash machine for lawyers, Judges, jurisdictions and states who collect federal incentives for raping NCPs with insane CS levels.
There really aren't any indicators that the system or anyone who makes their living from it gives a shit about the people impacted by the never ending shit show.
So, we have what I consider to be the bottom 10%ers of the legal profession sitting on the bench in Harry Potter robes slinging a Fisher-Price wooden hammer frequently adversly impacting the lives of people who are already dealing with the demise of marriages, the failure of families, and far too often destroy kids by forcing them into the primary custody of a truly shitty parent. The whole mess exacerabated by the bottom element of lawyers who unfortunately seem to be the feed stock for the bottom 10%ers who end up on the family law bench.
Many of the lawyers that have predominantly family law focused practices exhibit what I can only call willful ineffectiveness in order to draw the whole thing out and milk their fees for as long as they possibly can. Our first lawyer was definately ineffective though I do not think it was because she was milking fees or dragging it out. She just disliked disagreement and conflict so much that her tactics were all about concensus and agreement and not winning. So, we found a winner.
That we are past the CO years is a huge blessing. I don't wish the family law shit show on anyone.
Just my opinion of course.
Seriously! I don't want to
Seriously! I don't want to hear one word about gender inequality towards women when bias like this openly exists against decent men in the family courts. I've witnessed it first hand with my husband and his ex and then I've read some unbelievable stories on here.
False Equivalence
Agree to disagree on that statement. Men getting the shaft in court is just as shitty as women inequality in other areas.
Yeah, both can and do exist
Yeah, both can and do exist at the same time. Also, there are cases in which the woman is the higher earner yet also does most of the childcare. I find that hardworking, straightforward people with good intentions dealing with lazy entitled con artists get the shaft in family court, regardless of gender. If all involved are decent, they can go their separate ways with a lot less drama.
I get why the system was set up like it was. There was a time where men provided and women stayed home and did all the childcare in most cases. The courts didn't want a man to be able to "trade the wife in for a younger model", leaving her destitute after a lifetime of raising a family and serving his needs. Those days are gone, though, and the laws have not adapted to other opportunities and arrangements.
Yes, I agree - disordered men
Yes, I agree - disordered men do very well in Family Court. Whoever can lie the best and present themselves as the victim is the victor. Men can make the mother look unfit and unstable and women can make the father look angry and abusive. Family Court is one judge's biased opinion and whoever manipulates the judge the best wins.
Yes, I've thought about
Yes, I've thought about becoming a family law attorney or a mediator and going after histrionic, lying HCBMs.
I have two friends that are
I have two friends that are attorneys. They work in different areas of law, but agree that Family Law is the worst. The impression they gave is it's a pita, a grind, and a lot of attorneys move on to different specialties because of that.
The custody battle for YSD was definitely an exhausting, emotionally taxing, expensive and ugly experience for me. I had no idea that so many different types of excrement existed, or how low people were capable of going just to win. Ultimately it changed nothing; YSD still went to the Dark Side. I wish we hadn't wasted the money.
I have considered it. I have
I have considered it. I have been on the fence about doing a Doctorate. I have waffled between a PhD. in Organizational Management and a JD. I think I am more interested in the PhD than the JD.
However, if I were to do a JD I would probably do an EJD focused more on business but that would allow me to eventually take the BAR exam and represent people in blended family nightmares pro bono once I retire. I would not incur any of their costs out of my pocket but would intend to represent them at no cost to them for my services. They would pay for the costs of filing, etc.. and any PI investigative costs required, etc...
I would not limit my services to just men but would entertain representing anyone dealing with a manipulative and toxic blended family opposition.
My own experience finding a very effective family lawyer is why I am interested in this. Our first attorney was an apologist "can't we all just get along" waste of legal fees. Though we won even with her it was a constant battle to keep her clear that her job was to deliver on what we engaged her to deliver and not to do what she wanted to do to protect her community relationships. She was petrified that if she went for the toxic throats of a local family in support of a single mom who no longer lived in the community it would jeopardize her apologist. When DW and I married two weeks before we finally got to court after repeated last minute delays by the SpermClan after my future wife had flown she and SS back to SpermLand to go to court half a dozen times or more. I kept my foot to the attorneys backside from that time on until we fired her and hired a great attorney. The morning of our day in court the Judge attempted to postpone the case yet again because there was a Murder case he wanted to preside over. Our attorney called begging us to postpone so the Judge would not be pissed off at us. I told her hell no unless the Judge reimbursed my DW for all of her previous travel costs and paid all of our legal fees. So.. we finally got to court.
Once we fired her and found our shark attorney we never had insane legal fees because he was extremely focused and effective to the point that he made a crap ton of money off of our referrals and eventually doing our adoption when SS asked for me to adopt him. He never made more than a few $hundred during our CO years because all it took was for him to send a letter on his professional letter head that confronted the SpermClan on their toxic shit and outlined the consequences they would experience if they did not cease and desist.
When we were searching for the right attorney to deliver on our expectations dealing with idiot family law Judges and the SpermClan we had initial consultations with half a dozen or so. When we met with our final attorney he made it clear that it was not only us determining if he was who we wanted, it was him determining if he wanted us as clients. He asked a number of what I considered critical questions.
1. Are you doing this for your son's best interests or to get back at biodad?
2. This could take a long time and be very expensive. Are you prepared for a long effort that could be very expensive?
3. If I think that what you are trying to accomplish is either not right or not possible will you consider the alternatives I recommend?
We needed to deal immediately with a situation with the SpermClan at that time. The CO awarded 7wks of visitation for SS until he started 1st grade. In SpermLand Kindergarten was not mandatory and only half time so the visitation order gave the SpermClan 10 days of visitation in October in their location. Where we lived Kindergarten was mandatory and full time. The SpermClan was demanding their CO'd fall visitation even though the CO clearly said that SS could not miss school for visitation. So.. our shark attorney gave them clarity with a letter clearly outlining what the consequences would be if they did not accept our offer of splitting their fall visitation between the next two summer visitations. First, the case would be moved to our county in Texas which is one of the most conservative counties in the country. That would expose them to a more than a 10X increase in CS (at the time CS was $110/mo) and would require them to travel to our location for any future court actions. They STFU and crawled back under their rock.
From the time SS was born and for the next 2 years the SpermClan, particularly SpermGrandHag held the Financials advantage over my DW and did everything she could to control my DW and make her life a living hell. Once DW and I married the financial big stick moved to our side of the net and just kept growing as DW finished her dual major undergrad, we both finished grad school, and both of our careers thrived while the Spermidiot continued to depend on his mommy and daddy for his house, his vehicles, to pay his CS, to raise his three younger also out of wedlock spawn by two other baby mamas and to pay his legal bills for his ongoing family court actions with all three of the baby mamas and his criminal gun violations, drug, and gang activity cases.
I think rubbing the noses of toxic morons in the stench of the behavioral stinky spots of their live's in support of good people of limited resources fighting for the best interests of their Skids and families would be an extremely fulfilling and entertaining retirement.
Yes a good effective lawyer
Yes a good effective lawyer makes a huge difference. The crazy BM's are pretty good a hiding their true motives. I wouldn't want to take dirty money and I imagine sometimes you have to pay your own bills and make money.
Law degree
YES is the short answer.
As I think it through, I probably would consider different ways of making changes, helping out. Would the greater good be helping people navigate the confusing legal labyrinth? Lobbying for law changes/new laws?
I have friends who went to law school, and arent interested in being lawyers.
I would love love love to make positive changes that helped folks in this area.