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involved with a BF who's son is stuck in foster care in CA...HELP!

alittleperil's picture

OK- I'm brand new to all this so please hear me out- I am dating a wonderful man, who recently was discharged from the Navy in San Deigo, and has moved back home to Florida to get his feet under him and build a life. He separated from his wife before he left. None of this is an issue- what is the issue, is his son, who while my BF was on deployment, was removed from the home by DCF and placed in foster care, where he remains today. BM is homeless now, living on the kindness of her friends, and showing no inkling of wanting to put herself back together, get a job, or do anything other than ask my BF for more money. My BF wants to get full custody of his son, who is 2. He is VERY concerned however, that the court system will say that he "left the scene" so to speak, and that BM stayed there no matter how bad things got, so they will give custody to her. I tend to disagree, wholeheartedly! But since I'm new to all this, perhaps I'm simply being naive- I'd like to hear from folks who have been through similar issues, and get some advice on how we should be progressing. He wants full custody, and I'm completely prepared to have SS2 in my life as well, and want to help him any way I can. I just don't know where to begin. They don't have a court date until November, so we have 6 months approximately to figure out what needs to be done and have all our collective ducks in a row. BF is starting school soon to get his civilian certifications, and will find a job as soon as he's finished with his classes. So, in 6 months, the only negative thing the courts can find with him will be the distance away from his son. What else do we need to be doing? His public defender is understandably swamped with cases- so if we can do any of the legwork ourselves to make things easier, and more beneficial for us, we want to! I'd love to hear from anyone out there who can help point us in the right direction, and maybe give us both some assurance that this can work! Thanks, and look forward to hearing from you.

melis070179's picture

Well if the kid was in BM's care when he was taken away, why on earth would they give her custody?

"You never realize how short a month is until you pay child support"

alittleperil's picture

which I think is just insanity! Plus, she has twin girls, that are 6 or 7, that are also in foster care in San Deigo. All we want is the SS2, the girls aren't my BF's so he has no claim on them, though he's considered at some point trying to get them too... I know he doesn't have a leg to stand on with the girls, but I really feel like he should have a chance with getting his son! The question is: What do we need to be doing to make it happen? I can hope that by November BM won't have done anything at all to improve herself or her situation, so he will look like a million bucks... but we don't know. We want SS2 very much- I can only hope that they'll see that when court comes along...

melis070179's picture

Does BM want custody? Is she even trying to get her girls back? Why did protective services take them from her in the first place...answers to these questions will probably give a lot of insight on whether he will get custody.

"You never realize how short a month is until you pay child support"

anita...sigh's picture

Well Duhhhhh.... Biggrin

We all smile in the same language

CVOinNorthernVA's picture

OMG... That it so true !! I do apologize but I am LMAO at that crayon 'b/c she has ovaries; ovaries always trumps testicles as far as custody and family court goes'
On a sreious note...In order to try to give you some advice may I ask how your BF left the Navy?

CVOinNorthernVA's picture

He is the father he should be able just to go to the DCS and tell them he is the childs BF and he want's his child with him. DCS will and should contact the court for Emergancy hearing date and place the child with the BF.
"the court system will say that he "left the scene" so to speak" do you mean to go into the Navy? Or activated to deployment?

alittleperil's picture

from the Navy- He was stationed in San Deigo, which is where the BM and his son are. When he discharged, he moved back here to FL, home, to go to school and get his civilian certifications, which is what he's working on now. He was honorably discharged, so that's not a problem either.

BM claims to want all her kids, and him, back. She's been going to parenting classes, and visiting the kids in foster care when she can. I think she has a job now, but still no place of her own to live. They were removed from the home to begin with because of the living conditions- the place was completely trashed, garbage everywhere, completely unsanitary.

Should it really be that easy for him to contact the courts and say he wants his son back? Even though court is in CA, and he's in FL? I would love for it to be that easy! Though I'm afraid it won't be...

CVOinNorthernVA's picture

I believe asking for a hearing to present his situatio to the court they will give his custody of his child. He will have to show he can care for them and has regular income, has living arrangements in place. Plus he was in the service and Florida is his home. I really can't see why there would not put the son in his custody. Have proper documents to prove sabilty and I believe you have a good chance. The court will take into concideration the child was taken from the mother by CS.That will not look good for her.

Good Luck.