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So frustrated!!

CandyLou's picture

So as mentioned, SO said he was going to make some changes this year in his arrangements with his kids. Instead of seeing them every week at his expense (and driving 2 hours to see them) he was going to speak to them about making some changes so the relationship is more mutual. Not to mention I have been fully excluded from this arrangement. So last Monday, he didn't see them but by the afternoon he felt bad so he called them to meet on the Wednesday. That was 5 days ago. So today is Monday, and I am just assuming he isn't going up there, and it's now Monday afternoon, I'm thinking he is on his way home and he calls and says he is on his way up there! I'm like "I didn't know you were going up there" blah blah and it went from there. He is like, "What did I do wrong?" and he doesn't get that all I want is honesty. If he wants to see them every week at his expense, and his effort, fine, I really don't care. But just be honest with me about what your plans are! He said this year will be different, he will change things, he won't exclude me, well gee, it certainly isn't shaping up to be that way!

So frustrated that these fathers cannot stand up to the situation. What's worse, it was HIS idea to change things and nothing has changed! If he could have just let me know over the weekend that he was struggling to make the change and he needed more time, fine! But don't just call me at the end of day to tell me you are going up there, when I could have dinner ready here waiting!

Can't deal with this bullcrap anymore!!

forgotten wife's picture

get a life of your own once a week when he's gone. you had expectations that he really was going to cut back? anyone that has done what he's doing and for so long, has major "guilty daddy syndrome".

treat yourself and a friend to a nice dinner on his nights out.

AlreadyGone's picture

At the risk of being told that I'm cold or harsh.... OMG. He can't go 1 week without seeing his ADULT children???? What is with these men who can't cut the cord. Such jellyfish. Most of my life, my mother lived 20 minutes away from me, and we didn't have this twisted need to be up each other's a$$es once a week! Good grief. Definitely NEVER going to get involved with a man with kids ever again!!!!!!

My sympathies to you CandyLou! LOL.

RedWingsFan's picture

Wow - adults that need to see dear daddy every single week? WTF?

Ok, so maybe I'm not normal, but my parents divorced literally a month after I graduated high school. I hadn't even turned 18 yet, but they both left me in their rental home to fend for myself.

I did the best I could for a year, then got married to my high school sweetheart and moved away with him since he was in the Army. I haven't lived with or near my parents since (I'm 40 now)...isn't a weekly phone call enough?????

I go to Michigan once a year to see my parents, family and friends. That's plenty enough for me!

oldone's picture

Are you sure he's really going to see his children? I don't trust any man who pulls a disappearing act on a regular basis.

20YearsAsAStep-Mom's picture

Once a week ...ha, my DH currently sees sd EVEryday! Once we move it won.t be as easy for him though. This is what has caused alot of our problems. DH has his head up SD's ass.

NoraAstepmom's picture

Sounds like your husband likes to play games. Locking his phone wouldnt happen with me I dont care if he was talking to the president of the United States. I have access to phone records and if I wanted to check I could. Not sure why alot of fathers feel they need to kiss ass with there kids. What is he affraid if he dont give them what they want they wont love him, So what it least he would understand where his kids are coming from.

Orange County Ca's picture

I assume this is a guilty father who's trying to make it up for the divorce.

I can easily see him driving home, fretting about his guilt, and making a last minute decision. Considering his past history I doubt if he would give up a chance to see his kids to roll a woman in the hay so don't worry about that.

He is what he is and isn't going to change much or easily. If he has to see his kids once a week for dinner, and it brings peace to your household, I'd look at it like any guy who plays poker once a week. Tell him you're counting on him not being home on xx night, no dinner will be prepared and it just may be nobody will be home.

Then off to the movies, girl friends, Mom's, book or TV. It's your time alone.