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Attorney issues---thoughts?

kontan's picture
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DH is having to attend mediation with BM. I have blog posted the situation with her petitioning for full custody b/c she hates me and has made several false accusations. I won't rehash here. She filed the motion in part because of his new job and the requirement that we move out of state by summer 2015. (No intention of taking skids with us, but that is what she claims.)

I don't think she has a snowball's chance of full custody, however she does desire to change visitation arrangements and modify future cs responsibility accordingly. (None is paid now b/c all of her living expenses are paid instead.)

Right now we are week on/week off. It was a Sunday, Monday, Thursday, every other Friday arrangement that we and the skids hated. At least with week to week arrangement there is something resembling stability. BM says it does not work and she demands a change, one that will assure that they have visitation with him and I can't "abuse" them.

DH's attorney says that the motion may be difficult to read but a judge is not going to give much attention to her allegations b/c it is so common to blame the SM. Outside of that minimal counsel has been provided. He has emailed and called but can't get atty to respond. The only response has been that he should give her primary custody, work out a visitation schedule and then try to negotiate sale of the house.

DH is NOT willing to give up joint custody. If anything he wants full b/c she is such an emotional detriment to the children and sinking into PAS!

He has no idea what strategy to employ. He has told the atty that he wants no change to current arrangement. If we have to move then that should be dealt with then, not now. We can't go ANYWHERE until that horrible house he shared with BM is sold!

How do you deal with an unresponsive attorney? We are afraid that getting another will be costly and ineffective. However, the current arrangement is ineffective too. Could the lack of response be because of where we are in the process and because we are not to litigation yet? Is this normal? Do you have any suggestions for mediation?

Lastly, I am not allowed to attend mediation. This drives me nuts. Mediation can only deal with child custody and none of the other concerns we have. Shouldn't the allegations of me being mean, scaring the children, threatening her, abuse all be dealt with somehow?

Thoughts please.

Rags's picture

First, if your DH's attorney sucks find a good one. If your DH wants his rights enforced and protected he needs to suck it up and find an attorney that will represent him actively.

If an attorney will not reply to him when contacted then any money that is being paid to that hack lawyer is being wasted.

The only way to address a manipulative and toxic blended family opposition is to shred them. WTF is your DH doing completely supporting BM financially? If there is no CS order he needs to immediately stop paying anything to BM. She gets only what is in a CO and if there is no CO then she gets nothing.

As for PAS, if there is a visitation agreement then DH needs to hold BM accountable for following it to the letter and any time she tries to load the Skids up with her vitriolic crap DH needs to smack the piss out of her with a rolled up copy of the CO. (Figuratively of course).

As for your attendance at mediation. It is not uncommon to exclude new partners from court proceedings as well as to exclude witnesses from the court room until called. That does not mean you can't attend it just means you will not be allowed in unless called to testify. I would suggest that you accompany your DH and be there to support him. They will usually have a room where excluded witnesses/parties can wait. At least they did when we were in court to keep my SS's Sperm Clan under control. There were two rooms actually. One for each side in the proceeding.

All IMHO of course.

Good luck.

kontan's picture

There is not a court order, but there is a legal separation agreement. It stated that joint custody arrangements are up to the parties involved and IF they cannot agree then it would be every other week. She us opposed to this arrangement now that we demanded it. The other was NOT working. I don't know if she is so much opposed to the arrangement, or me. By the wording of the motion, it is me.

As for cs, it is also part of the separation agreement. He has to pay the maintenance costs in lieu of cs. Cs/alimony doesn't start until the house is on the market and sold.

Regarding the attorney, I think she is probably a strong fighter and poor communicator. We need both strong in the courtroom and strong communicator. He hasn't even been told how to prepare for mediation. What we know we know from our own research. Several emails have been sent and another call will be made today. If there is not a satisfactory resolution to the communication issue we will have to bring in another attorney...more money, ugh.

Her toxicity is a problem. She is really good at it and the skids will not outright say she told them anything. It is clearly obvious that she has because of the language (verbal and physical) they use.

I agree, we need to blow it up with what is outlined in the separation agreement, pointing out everything that has been violated. It is just difficult when the kids won't admit it.

kontan's picture

Understand completely. It was never our intention to maintain eow when we move. That wouldn't be possible. But BM is seeking full legal custody, no decision making on his part. (Not that with the current joint legal she observes his right to be a part of big decisions like giving their son a narcotic everyday for the totally manageable without medication - and significantly overdiagnosed- ADD. But that's another story.)

I'm not familiar with CP and NCP---have to look that up.

He has NO issue paying CS. The issue is her wanting to completely alienate him from the kids, denying even one weekend a month and extended time in the summer. She went straight to your not going to move my kids away and filed a motion that said I was mean, abusive, and he was just concerned about money. (NEVER said we wanted to move kids, that is all in her head.) The other issue is her complete unwillingness to sale the house so that it is even possible for a move to take place. Without the house being sold, moving is NOT an option.

If he is going to lose rights to the children, be limited to the point of seeing them every few months, and she won't sale the house there IS NO MOVE and therefore NO reason to revisit the EOW custody arrangement.

And the freakin lawyer STILL has not returned his call/email. The last substantial contact was April 22 with a brief response May 7th saying I will call you this evening- which she did not. Have to step it up and get someone else. This is ridiculous.

unwillingparticipant's picture

We went through 3 attorneys before we realized they're all pieces of shit.
If DH and bm keep fighting, the court might appoint a Guardian Ad Litem - this will be DETRIMENTAL to everyone involved. DO. NOT. LET. IT. HAPPEN.
In CT, the GAL's are attorneys. In some states, they're social workers or mediators, etc. Let me repeat.
DO. NOT. LET. IT. HAPPEN.
GAL's do not have the children's best interest in mind. They get paid to stir the pot.
They upset a parent by recommending a certain schedule + parent goes to court to fight it = they get more money for each court appearance.
Anywho - I work in the CT judicial system and I highly recommend dropping your attorney. You'll get more accomplished without one. DH went back to court last month to get alimony reduced to non-custodial bm and succeeded. With no attorney. It is possible to fight these battles without an attorney. Just do your homework. Look up statutes, look up case notes, look up appellate court decisions. Google is your friend.
A lot of people don't know that judges have rules/regulations to follow also just like the "policies and procedures" most companies have.
If you file a motion for custody and cite a case that was ruled upon under similar circumstances, the judge HAS to rule the same. Judges won't go against previous judge's decisions.

runninglawmom's picture

Uhm, judges can absolutely break from other judges' decisions also. You need to read up on stare decisis and have a better understanding of the legal and political aspects of judges' jobs. You also need to understand that unless the fact pattern is EXACTLY the same, the holding (I dare you to even understand what that is) isn't binding on a more recent case....and most of the things said in any opinion are really not holdings, therefore not stare decisis at all...

runninglawmom's picture

Very poor advice from an obviously unknowledgeable source. I am an attorney AND was a GAL for many kids for years. GALs actually do fret over the kid, and we do so with an unbiased view in most cases, seeing what the parents//steps can't see about themselves as easily as we see the problems with the other parent. I spent many many nights, weekends, and holidays on the phone or in the homes of these kids - all unpaid, by the way, since in my state of bar and also of residence, GALs are appointed attorneys working pro bono in many instances. I was also a contract attorney GAL, with 367 GAL kids at one point - and my salary was less than 40K per year. I was good at my job, cared about those kids - and pissed off a whole bunch of parents and stepparents. I really didn't and don't care if adults are mad, when I know I am making the right recs for kids; and before you jump in with a "you are the only one" I would add that many of my attorney friends are GALs, either through the pro bono appointment mentioned above, or as paying jobs, and none of them are well paid, and I only know of one (out of maybe 20) that I would consider unethical, not truly representing the best interest of his clients.
And guess what? I am a parent and a stepparent. I have five kids. My husband has three. His second child has a GAL due to her mom being a total drunk and her own actions (drinking, drugs, running away), as well as my husband's Disney dad/close your eyes and don't see that the kid is doing very bad things status. I'm the person who hotlined them ALL - knowing it would cause me professional and personal trauma. I did this because I am a GAL and I owe a duty to all children as such, because I am a mandated reporter. I'm glad she has a GAL, even though it has led to expense and time taken from my own life. Kids come first for most of us; sadly, instead of seeing this, you choose to continue in your rather obvious inability to stand back and look at your own situation and see that there is a REASON you had a GAL, and it isn't the GAL's fault that they were there. That would be on the parents/steps...
There are some bad GALs, but there are also many bad parents and/or stepparents. Imagine if I painted with such a wide brush - "All stepparents are bad, don't allow yourself or your kids be involved with one, ever." Duh, the dumb seeps out of that on all sides. Any time you paint "all" of anything with such a wide stroke, you risk discrediting yourself on "all" issues because you haven't learned basic logic. Sad

runninglawmom's picture

Very poor advice from an obviously unknowledgeable source. I am an attorney AND was a GAL for many kids for years. GALs actually do fret over the kid, and we do so with an unbiased view in most cases, seeing what the parents//steps can't see about themselves as easily as we see the problems with the other parent. I spent many many nights, weekends, and holidays on the phone or in the homes of these kids - all unpaid, by the way, since in my state of bar and also of residence, GALs are appointed attorneys working pro bono in many instances. I was also a contract attorney GAL, with 367 GAL kids at one point - and my salary was less than 40K per year. I was good at my job, cared about those kids - and pissed off a whole bunch of parents and stepparents. I really didn't and don't care if adults are mad, when I know I am making the right recs for kids; and before you jump in with a "you are the only one" I would add that many of my attorney friends are GALs, either through the pro bono appointment mentioned above, or as paying jobs, and none of them are well paid, and I only know of one (out of maybe 20) that I would consider unethical, not truly representing the best interest of his clients.
And guess what? I am a parent and a stepparent. I have five kids. My husband has three. His second child has a GAL due to her mom being a total drunk and her own actions (drinking, drugs, running away), as well as my husband's Disney dad/close your eyes and don't see that the kid is doing very bad things status. I'm the person who hotlined them ALL - knowing it would cause me professional and personal trauma. I did this because I am a GAL and I owe a duty to all children as such, because I am a mandated reporter. I'm glad she has a GAL, even though it has led to expense and time taken from my own life. Kids come first for most of us, and your rather obvious inability to stand back and look at your own situation and see that there is a REASON you had a GAL. And it isn't the GAL's fault...
There are some bad GALs, but there are also many bad parents and/or stepparents. Imagine if I painted with such a wide brush - "All stepparents are bad, don't allow yourself or your kids be involved with one, ever." Duh, the dumb seeps out of that on all sides. Any time you paint "all" of anything with such a wide stroke, you risk discrediting yourself on "all" issues because you haven't learned basic logic.