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Daisymazy2's picture

Submitted by Daisymazy2 on Sun, 01/02/2022 - 5:00pm

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Adult Stepchildren

A little update...

 

I was hanging the ornaments on the Christmas tree this year.  DH gets all bent out of shape because SD (age 19) doesn't have any ornaments on the tree.  Each year,  I purchase an ornament for my kids. Now I only purchase one ornament with my kids name, their wives and kids.  I have been doing this before DH and I married.  When he moved in, I informed  him of the tradition and that he was more than welcomed to buy an ornament with SD's name on it.  We have been married over 10 years and lived together a year before we were married. He has NEVER made an attempt to get an ornament for her.   As he was throwing his little tantrum,  I didn't say a word.  He then mentions that we do not have any of SD's pictures on the wall.  Again,  we can go back 10 plus years where I informed him that if he wanted to put a picture of SD up he can do so and that he would have to pay for the picture and the frame.  HE has to put forth the effort.  He then makes a smart ass comment that we didn't have any room on the wall for a picture of her.  There is room, he just doesn't want to do it.  He wants ME to do it.  I am not going to do it.  I changed the subject and determined that his little tantrum wasn't going to ruin my day.

I was really shocked a few days ago when DH told his brother that SD was a problem and he didn't know what to do with her.  Normally, he can't stop talking stop bragging about her.  She was working at the local Walmart.  She was fired and banned from ALL of their stores.  I have no idea what she did but I am assuming it would have to be bad to be banned from ALL of their stores. She is a caregiver  for people now.  How can someone that is so out of control think she can take care of people? I  give her 3 months before she is fired from this job.  There is always an excuse why she can't work.  It is never her fault.

By the way,  she hasn't been to my house in years and will not be living with us.  She lives with BM.  BM would love nothing more than to have her live with us but it isn't happening.  

She can not control her mouth.  Her mouth gets her in trouble so much.  I think that one day someone is going to attempt to shut it for her and she will be either in jail or the hospital.

She blames her outbursts on PTSD.  She said she was "raped" 3 or 4 times.  After she was raped, she was having sex with men on Tender.   I don't believe that she was raped.  DH believes that she was and handles her with kid gloves.  It is sickening.

JRI's picture

Submitted by JRI on Sun, 01/02/2022 - 5:16pm

It sounds like you have a good handle on things, congratulations!  My DH is similar, sees me doing nice things and wants the same done for the SKs.

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Sun, 01/02/2022 - 7:26pm

She probably stole from Walmart, and will steal from the people she's caring for, too. It's only a matter of time before your SD ends up in jail. Wonder if DH will make excuses for her then. 

sandye21's picture

Submitted by sandye21 on Sun, 01/02/2022 - 8:27pm

You seem to have the right approach.  Do NOT back down.  Period.

For decades I tried to placate DH when he made accusations like this.  He would threaten to leave, he felt like a renter because I owned the house we lived in - even though he refused to pay more than $380 a month for his part of household expenses (for 30 years).  He accused me of making SD 'uncomfortable' because I asked that she didn't throw clean guest blankets on the floor.  Informed me that SD and hubby were coming to visit then expected me to cook and clean up after them.  I was expected to suck it up when insulted.  I was expected to pay 1/2 for all trips we took with them - they wouldn't even leave a tip for dinner.  Ran out the door when SD put her fat finger in my face and screamed at me.  And all the while, there I was, working my ass off trying to be supportive.  And did I say he treated me like crap?

I found out through therapy that I was using DH as a surrogate for resolving issues with my parents.  Two months ago I filed for divorce.  People tell me they are sorry until they see my face, then they say, "Congratulations!"

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Mon, 01/03/2022 - 2:54pm

I am sorry it took 30 years of your happiness to come to a conclusion.

Enjoy your new life adventure.

Clapping

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Mon, 01/03/2022 - 2:57pm

She is the exact person that scares the shit out of decent men.  Don't get me wrong. No means no. Period. And rapists need to be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.

However, the no card can only be played before intimacy, I will even agree to during on the condition that the man stops immediately upon no.  But for damned sure the no card cannot be played after the fact when women like your SD get all butt hurt because the man was in it only for a booty call rather than a durable relationship.  

Even if only one man is falsely accused that is one too many and the lying accuser needs to be the one prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.  That should include forfeiture of any money they ever earn from any source.   The consequences to a falsely accused man are so dire that the false accuser should bear as much consequence as an actual rapist would bear.  And there is no consequence too severe for a rapist. Lorena Bobbit comes to mind. Though John was just an adulterous POS and not a rapist.

IMHO of course.