You are here

Basically Ignoring DH

dessy101's picture

I know I should just ignore this and not let it bother me but it bothers DH so it affects my mood especially since we are all stuck in lockdown. The Skids left and went to another state with some of their maternal family almost 2 weeks ago to self-isolate together. As the place where they went is rural, Skids excuse have been that they have limited cell-service and it is patchy so they can’t get in contact with DH so on so forth. That makes sense right? But Skids have been constantly posting images and videos on social media of them hiking, riding horses with their cousins all times of the day and I would think you would need Wi-Fi or something to post it. However, they can only send sporadic replies to DH messages. You would think in this time, with the pandemic and all, they would try to reach out to DH. Not once have they initiated contact. 

Anyway SD birthday just passed and she posted on social media that ‘This has been one of my greatest birthdays surrounded by some of the kindest, loving and at times annoying bunch I call family. Although there wasn’t much of an out on the town night, lockdown has shown me true happiness comes from feeling and expressing the love for family. Family doesn’t have to be bonded by blood; it is the people that you call once (maybe three times) a day for hours on end because you want to make sure they are doing okay or aren’t lonely. It’s the people that bake you a cake (some virtually) and sing horrendously because it is your birthday and they want to celebrate with you online. I am so grateful to everyone who has done so much to make this day special for me especially Grammy who ran around and made sure she got the ingredients to make this amazing cake for me even though she did not have to. It really shows me the depth of community far exceeds the limitations of geography, as so many of you, my family, took the time to throw me a virtual party on zoom. Thank You all and I love You!’

Now based on this post I would think that SD at least has the capacity to get in contact with DH and receive contact from DH. They simply refuse to do so. Even on her birthday where all this FaceTime and Zoom supposedly went on, DH could not reach her. He is disappointed that they are being blatantly rude, dismissive and are ignoring him.

They didn’t even let him know they were leaving the state to shelter elsewhere. Which to be fair they are adults they do not have to explain their actions but it would have been courteous especially with what is going on in the world right now to tell DH as he is worries about them. They just show so much disregard for DH feelings you know. 

2Tired4Drama's picture

Same issue here with my SO's adult D who can't be bothered to maintain (let alone initiate) contact with her father.

Yet she spouts out the same kind of B.S. about how wonderful her friends and family are, how much she loves them all, blah blah blah.  Thankfully, neither my SO nor me are on social media so we are spared from daily missives like this.   I almost laughed out loud at her wedding, when speeches were given about what a "wonderful, loving and generous friend" she was!  Obviously, she either has split-personality disorder or she is a bullsh!t artist of the highest order.   I go for the latter diagnosis.

This is a classic example of parental alienation.  The mother's family becomes the ONLY family.  Fathers are disposable and expendable.  

I understand how hurt your DH is because I see it with my SO, too.  That's the hardest part IMO.  Watching someone you love be hurt over and over again.  But ... after seeing this for years I do place some of the blame on him.  He allowed this situation to become what it was, even when he was married, by letting his ex call all the shots about her family's primacy and his family's secondary (if not invisible) place in the skids lives.  

My SO called SD about four days ago to see how things were going.  She said she was busy and would call him back.  He's still waiting.  


Kes's picture

I get the impression from the tone of that message, that it was crafted partly as an "up yours!" to DH and with the intention of hurting him. 

2Tired4Drama's picture

There is that subtle undertone there.  But there is also blatant disrespect since she KNOWS her father has been trying to contact her yet she continues to ignore him.  Why come up with excuses about technology problems when it's so obvious that's not an issue.  

IMO this man should write off these kids.  They are adults now and will always be lost causes.  Why continue to be hurt and humiliated.  Block all social media etc.  

dessy101's picture

I do agree with you both that SKids are doing it on purpose. They just have zero care for DH's feelings. DH isn't on social media, however DKids have SKids on social media. That is how we know about this. There is a BM family superiority with SKids as BM father did everything he could over the years to replace DH in their lives.

SacrificialLamb's picture

I've learned that when my SDs post these "importance of family" messages on social media, it's to send a message to DH that as long as he is married to me, he is an outsider like I am. It's to make him jealous, all these other people, even if they aren't blood, are more important than him. 

Thankfully, my DH ignores those dumb posts.