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The drama never stops when you have adult SDs

SacrificialLamb's picture

If you have multiple SD's, be prepared for the drama to never stop. Mine are in their mid-40's.

These two "women" love to plot and plan on ways they can cause trouble. They love trying to get DH away to themselves on holidays, making sure I understand I am not part of their family. OSD even made of point of saying I was not family and as a result should not have to communicate with me. She was FORTY at the time. Fine. I have not talked to her in almost 5 years.  

YSD texts me occasionally but I don't trust her for a second. She is Chief Flying Monkey for her narcissist sister, and is only trying to look nice for daddee. She's the brains behind whatever dumb games they come up with.

We fortunately live far away, and after disengaging they could not figure out how to get at me anymore. They tried some really dumb stuff with social media; I blocked them.  When I saw that Zoom was being used to connect people during the pandemic, I knew that would be part of their next game, beause they had run out of ideas. Being drama lovers/game players/gossipers, they seem to be very bored being stuck at home. 

But today I can't help but chuckle that their latest  plan flopped. DH told me that OSD, who I haven't spoken with in almost 5 years, texted that I was invited to Family Game Night for YSD's birthday......on Zoom.  I said no way and asked to see the text. Well, not quite!

The intial plan was that OSD was inviting BM, YSD, YSD's SO, and DH to the zoom event. Of course her own DH and children were involved too.   It seems that these middle-aged women needed to have both mommy and daddy on the Zoom, and everyone else's SO - except for DH's.  To play MONOPOLY online.  For a mid-40 year old bday.   Puhleeze.  DH asked her to invite me (I am happy he noticed I was not included).  

Where on earth would they get the idea that DH would want to be on a Zoom call with BM to play a "family game"?

The whole intent was it was Family game night, and once again, Lamby isn't family.  And if they are like they normally are, one of them will call DH tomorrow to ask if we are fighting. That's what they are hoping for. They love having power over our lives, which they no longer do.  

What really made me chuckle was when DH said to me "it's maddening they are still acting this way!"  I said "I have been putting up with this crap for years! Where have you been?"  But he knows what they have been doing......he just chooses to go back in denial when nothing is brewing.  I stay happily away from their dumb family drama.  They truly are unhappy people.

Yes, it's true when you disengage these drama lovers get more desperate in their attempts to cause trouble, and it looks a lot more obvious.  I am to the point now I don't get mad anymore. It actually makes me laugh seeing them play their games that now continually fail.

In the end DH texted YSD that sorry, we had plans for dinner so could not participate in Family Game night that had been scheduled at the last moment.

And I texted YSD "sorry that we were not available to play games".  She's smart enough to get what I meant.

 

 

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Sorry we were not available to play games.

I'm dying, Lamby! That is so rich!! Your DH's daughter is playing checkers, while you are a chess Master.

Abso-f'ing-lutely Brilliant!

SacrificialLamb's picture

It fell right into my lap and I had to do it.  I am still laughing. You gotta take these opportunities when they come up.

Rags's picture

Classic and well played.

I am happy to hear that you and your DH are full partners in keeping the toxic SDs and their BM under control and protecting yourselves and your marriage from their manipulative crap.

SacrificialLamb's picture

You know, it's been a rough road and your posts have really helped me. But yes, the marriage is off limits for sure now.

theoldredhen's picture

Lamby, this round goes to you!

~ "sorry that we were not available to play games". ~

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Your SD will be raging over having been outplayed!

MurphysLaw's picture

"And I texted YSD "sorry that we were not available to play games".  She's smart enough to get what I meant."

LOLOLOL

BEAUTIFUL!!! LOLOLOLOL 

I bet Her ass is STILL burning!!! LOL

sandye21's picture

Thank you for making my day!  LOL LOL   SOOO perfect!  It's a good thing that DH recognizes the game they are attempting to play and informed them you both had plans for dinner.  His message spoke volumes about what is 'important' to him.  All in all, this was the ultimate 'back fire'.

SacrificialLamb's picture

The funny thing is we did not have plans until then. He decided we were going out for margaritas instead. I want to clobber him sometimes, but I love that clueless man.

Missingme's picture

Hell would freeze over before my hubs would do what Lamby's did.  Mine wouldn't be able to bear the chance that one of the Skids would be unhappy.    Putty.  Way to go, Lamby!  

somethingwicked's picture

YOU are SO Clever with that last swipe, Lamby, at the obnoxious adult idiots .LOL..GOOD for you!

Your  DH has come  light years in recognizing their duplicity yet I believe he still is trying to soften their BS  by "lying" ..that's what he did saying you were included in game night.Glad you asked to see the text. Keep It Real and he won't do that again.Fingers crossed. .

My DH used  the same sad ,dumb ploy  "lying" that I was welcome to visit and do whatever XYZ plans Kunti had  planned but it was mostly b/c he was frightened  to refuse a skid request  and did NOT want to travel  alone  to visit the lioness ' den so tried to get me roped in with his white lies.After disengagemnet in 2013 I also never attended  anything or responded to their crocodile tear filled attempts to rope their fave prey back into the "Colosseum" for slaughter . 

And it IS  hilarious watching the ridiculous antics ramp up  when  one  decides  not to engage in  their desperate attempts to be relevant in making you miserable.Evil Adult Skids should be footnotes to one's life .

Congrats!

SacrificialLamb's picture

DH has had hope in the back of his mind that his kids might stop the stupidity. Of course, after this event is over, he will slink back into his Man Cave of Denial.

I used to worry about the other shoe dropping. Not now. I have my boundaries, and when something seems to be infringing, I perk up. OSD would be so butt hurt to realize she is not front and center every single day.  Because of her charm and extreme beauty.

Missingme's picture

I'm not being able to imagine myself putting up with the year's long strategizing.  I just don't believe I'm strong enough for this kind of warfare. 

Kes's picture

 "sorry that we were not available to play games" - LOL!  Well handled, Lamby and Mr Lamby!  My DH is exactly the same, in that he goes back into denial when nothing is brewing, as you put it. He handles any nonsense quite well these days, but has a VERY short memory and says stupid things like "we have not had any trouble with them for years" - when I could point to a half dozen or more incidents in the last year or two.   

tog redux's picture

Nice. Why would grown women think their divorced parents would want to play a board game online? 

CANYOUHELP's picture

These dimwitted passive aggressive antics never stop until dadddeeee says 'NO MORE!" But, of course none of this would be happening in the first place--- had daddeee stepped up to the parent plate and acted like a husband. And, why do they lie to us about the texts, in their continual pursuit to make us believe women who despise us, like us?  Why?

I live your life here Lamby, just a different man, location and, bunch of bs. Your answer was priceless and has to make them pause to think how juvenile their games to exclude you as family are.....how to minimize you, daddeee's wife. If they want to exclude us, why do they continue to attempt--- in any convuluted way-- to rope us back into the torture game?

These people are just nuts. Exclude me please.

Proud of you and how you gracefully shut down this toxicity!

Dovina's picture

Love this soooo much "sorry we are not available to play games"  Sacrificial  you just won that game BTW :)  and you werent even playing. 

 

2Tired4Drama's picture

Have you wondered about their choice in game - "Monopoly?"  Says volumes, doesn't it?   I don't think it was coincidence!

Perhaps next time they suggest it, you might again decline and tell them if they ever get a "Clue" then perhaps you might consider.  Ha ha!

 

SacrificialLamb's picture

Thank you Miss Texas!  I told DH I appreciated that he realized I was not included and acted on it, but in the future I would rather not be involved. 

But Papa playing a game with the sgskids definitely was not the objective of OSD and YSD. I asked if he had just signed on the Zoom invite at the designated time, without asking questions ahead of time, who would have been on the call?  The answer:  OSD and family, YSD and her SO, BM......and him.  I asked him how did that make him feel? He said "well, I told OSD to stop including BM on anything that involves me..."   Well, then why is she STILL doing it? Does that ever cross his mind? She is 45!

He is so clueless! He takes whatever people say at face value. And when something happens like this, he can't figure out why. And this is a smart man in other areas!  

BM is on the call, and everyone else's spouse/SO is on except for his own. Jeesh.  The great thing is he has no problem with me not being involved with that family.

MissTexas's picture

never has moved on since their divorce decades ago. She'd be a great character for a Tennessee Williams play (Streetcar Named Desire, The Glass Menagerie etc.) Since she never has dated or married again, in the beginning (first 5 or 6  years or so) we were expected to have her at every function. At first I thought, "Ok, so this is very weird and uncomfortable but if it makes DH happy, then I'm happy. She's his past and I'm his future." It got more and more ugly, catty, passive aggressive and then some and it took several attempts for it to "take" but it finally did. There's just no logical reason a bio would tag along like a 5th wheel. 

I'm so glad you DH has no trouble with you not joining the failed family adventures.

SacrificialLamb's picture

Bio Mom has not dated or remarried.  No TN Williams here; imagine the character Milhouse, from the Simpsons, as a 66-year old female. Her nose literally is 10 times the width of the grandkids other grandma. Then imagine that woman having the most annoying voice you have ever heard, being shaped like a bowling ball and constantly needing to be the center of attention (where the SD's learned it), loving drama, etc.

BM also "retired" from her job in Cheap Midwest City 18 months ago, and announced she was moving to The Holy Land into OSD's basement AFTER she had loaded up the moving van and was on her way. Can you imagine? She was only to be there 3 months.  So she said.

After 7 months of living in OSD's basement and having no intentions of moving out, and from what I hear trashing the place, OSD's DH lost it and said she needed to find her own place. BM couldn't afford rent in that city; it was 4 times what she had paid before.  And she had never gotten a mortgage on her own. And although she bragged on Facebook about being retired and how successful she was, reality was she had dwindled her 401k to pay for a car. She had a hard time getting approved for a mortgage, but finally did get a high risk loan - at age 65. She will have to work the rest of her life.  So much for being retired, eh? She has no extra money. She could have stayed in the affordable town where she was, but it was important for her to declare herself "retired"  and successful to impress other people and move to The Holy Land.

And from what we have heard, she already has had her daughters - her best friends as she says - have to pay some of her bills. She's a financial mess. And it's likely to get worse as she ages. I know there is some anomosity because DH and I both were high earners - both of us had higher level jobs than his kids or their SO's.  We got married after we both had been divorced 6 years and had equal assets at that time. We lived way below our means, paid off our house and saved a lot of money and then retired. He's older, but I retired not long after he did. DH lives in paradise with his younger wife, and the SDs are having to bail out their mother who can't pay all of her bills. And I know that pisses them off.  OSD believes her DH is supposed to be providing her with the best of everything, but it's not happening.

When DH and BM divorced, she had the resources to make responsible choices. She chose not to do so.  But it is no longer DH's problem.  They've been divorced for decades.

There's good reasons why those girls are screwed up.....BM's insanity and DH's passivity.   And no, this BM has not moved on either. She is still great friends with DH's sister, and it's just because they both love drama and gossip. There's no wonder why DH doesn't want to visit his sister anymore. BM has no other friends, and she doesn't get along with her own family.

My attitude in the beginning also was there was no harm to having her at events, but I realized I was being taken advantage of for my photography, which they expected for free. At the beach 5 years ago, the sgkids were doing something cute, nothing spectacular, don't remember what. BM asked me "where's your camera???" I told her it was in the hotel. She said "you're supposed to be taking pictures; go get your camera!!!" 

Uh, no. I am not the Original Family Photographer. With that event, and where OSD signed me up to take beach pics of 5 other couples with out asking me on the same trip, while I was sick with a condition that led to surgery shortly after, pretty much wore me out of that family.  And it got worse a few months later and I came to this site and learned about disengagement.  Hallelujah. And my DH is fine with it. He knows they are NUTS.  He can deal with them on their own, but even he has withdrawn.

The BM in your life and mine tags along like a 5th wheel because they have absolutely nothing else going for them and nothing else to do.

MissTexas's picture

now. And I"m sure she is so jealous that you and her former DH have done very well for yourselves. People who are molatave cocktails wrapped in human flesh hate that.

I really think at the heart of all this is jealousy. It spews forth from BMs and SDs. If you happen to be attractive, educated and everything they are not, AND have DADDY or DH, then your sunk. My pastor told me, "Miss_Texas, you're EVERYTHING SD IS NOT. You are an outstanding cook, beautiful, witty, intelligent,caring, loving, compassionate,  spiritual, clean your own house immaculately, work in your yard to the point it looks like a Garden of Eden...essentially SD is all about her job, doesn't cook, doesn't clean her own home, isn't much to look at, has the personality of an ashtray, is not caring or compassionate, basically you're nothing like her and everything she isn't, AND YOU HAVE DAD FULL TIME. That is what is at the core of all of this animosity." Well, that and she's a classic narc. Who orders clothing on a large scale from a very well known department store, has all 50 outfits DELIVERED TO HER HOME TO TRY ON. Choose what she wants and has the rest returned?? Um, a Kardashian? A Kardashian "wanna be?" I have NEVER HEARD OF THAT.

Good for you not grabbing that camera. Who do these people think they are? Why would they think we are to do their bidding and be at their disposal?

Glad you and I found this website. It really helps to know that as horrible as some of this is, we are NOT ALONE.

Correct. Nothing going for them whatsoever. ANd I suspect many BMs are behind the scenes egging much of this on and SD is the mouthpiece and face for all of it.

So very glad we do not have to deal with BMs anymore. We have to celebrate our victories and take the gifts of the hour!

Disillusioned's picture

Wow Sacrificial - I would say that is just unbeleivable but clearly in our situations, nothing is shoocking anymore

Funny how all the SO's are family, but you're not

So just DH, his ex and their children and children's spouses in other words 'one big happy family'

Unreal!

So happy to hear your DH wasn't having any of it, and more importantly, saw right through it!

SacrificialLamb's picture

Disillusioned, I have been waiting for you to comment since we both are living the dream!

Yup. Everyone else's SO is family, except for DH's. And let's play board games online with mommy and daddy.  

SteppedOff's picture

and could never be dreamed up to be made up!

I cannot agree more Lamby. It makes my head dizzy if I think about it for very long! The SO’s of the first holy family in my situation one a loser of a spouse, person, and parent...another a literally non functioning untreated mental...and the third (drumroll please) a junky with two baby daddies and only supervised visitation of her offspring. I just cannot believe myself and my birth children are looked down upon and not permitted to be included as part of family. All of us successful, functioning people. 

These situations are so pitiful and just unreal. I thank god everyday my husband grew tired of their madness and recognized reality of it all.

 

 

CLove's picture

At least not with THEM. Jeeze, the nerve of them. I guess its that drama-addiction. Sounds like Toxic Troll - she craves attention and must always be relevant.

Luckily you asked to see that text so that you know the truth of things. I applaud your liguistic turn! I wonder if they "got it" Biggrin

SacrificialLamb's picture

I think YSD got it becuase aroudn 24 hours later she played it off and started talking about how much fun the game was and how smart the gskids are. That's the typical sweeping under the rug they do, trying to look like happy, accepting girls for daddee. I am sure they had a phone call to figure out that strategy.

At the bottom of this I suspect is that OSD is mad about not being allowed in her dad's house and wants to come here this summer. I am not allowed in hers, so her dad said it was reciprocal. That was 5 years ago. She lives in a state where the pools are not opening, and she needs to be able to prance around in the sun in a bikini at her age.  That's what she does all summer long.   We live by gorgeous beaches, they are open, and you can find room a responsible distance apart.

I have noticed these SDs don't just have conversations about issues - they play games. Instead of being nice respectful people, let's play games so we can all go to Papa and Lamby's house and enjoy our histrionic prancing around in our bikinis. They get some sick satisfaction out of this game rather than just having a conversation, because conversations mean needing to admit your faults in order to resolve issues.

Guess what? They're not coming here. Play all the games you want.  We have plenty of rentals in our town on the water. They can check those out first. Regardless of what they come up with, my response is VRBO

SacrificialLamb's picture

And there's the bottom line - the pandemic is making nutty people nuttier. Drama lovers are in withdraw and have to come up with something.