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Princess demands

dolly1's picture

newbie here.

Adult Stepdaughter is now 19 years old ,  lives with her mum and has been on furlough throughout lockdown from her part time job.  DH and I have a joint account for bills,  then one for my money and one for his money.  I've taken a 65% paycut since the start of lockdown but been working since the start.  

SD had a travel allowance from husband pre lockdown to help her get to uni,  it was agreed on by both of us at the time to support her.  Since the start of lockdown she's been rude,  demanding and her already out of control social media addiction has got out of control.  She's basically been getting her baps out for an audience of overseas random men that she's been gathering as followers using her public profile.  I've had a ding-dong with her after she published identifying photos of our home and her location etc (Think showing off trying to make herself look good but inviting burglars to our house) She's now ignoring me and blocked me.  Not a problem at all,  we've got security,  it's just really disrespectful to plaster the details of MY home online.  

She's your classic abusive step daughter.  if she doesnt get her own way with my husband she punishes him by witholding contact,  she rallies the rest of the family against him (Grandma is always on her side stroking her ego,  this is a big problem) and eventually she'll rock up for anything we're paying for,  a meal out,  a holiday etc.  He caves,  I sit there fuming at her general sense of entitlement and rudeness.  

She's now started bleating to my husband that she needs work done on her car and I can see him starting to crack.  He's started mentioning starting her "allowance again,  just to help her out".  Hell no.  She's 19 years old,  hasnt lifted so much as a brain cell since June when Uni ended and hasnt left her front door except to go and break lockdown regs partying with her friends.  That does not need a petrol allowance.  She could go and get a part time job tomorrow for the summer ,  they're still recruiting round here and she has 3 months off before she returns to uni.

Meanwhile I'm currently earning less than my husband (normallly I earn more) and insisting he tells her that our household income has taken a hit and she needs to learn a bit of respect. Respect the family values and you get a bit of respect back.  

Any thoughts anyone?  I appreciate I'm stuck with a Daddy's girl (I read the article on her earlier) and probably just left to grit my teeth and bear it.  

Kes's picture

I thought you were from the UK when you mentioned baps, lol - there's not that many of us here.  If your DH is anything like mine he may come to his senses eventually and stop enabling his grown-assed daughter who is perfectly capable of shifting for herself, she just chooses to be a lazy bitch.  She has been an adult for a year and he wants to give her an allowance?  eff that. 

dolly1's picture

Thanks Kes! And yes I am! (Sorry, only just worked out I could reply to you) 

 

I feel like I've found my people on here. I tried that other well known parents advice for a while and got battered for even thinking of having an opinion on step children 

Merry's picture

This is a perfect time for your DH to help his daughter learn how to be a grownup. We all have experienced economic downturns. Instead of acting like there isn't a financial hardship going on it your house now, he needs to embrace it and explain it to his selfish kid.

Protecting an adult from an adult fact of life that will affect her is not a kindness. An allowance at 19 for any reason is absurd. I don't mind helping my kids financially when they're working their asses off and need some help due to an unexpected expense, but if they're not trying to take care of their own business first, I'm certainly not going to take care of it for them.

somethingwicked's picture

One word.

PayPal.

Let her sell snaps of her baps on line to her fawning bapmirers  for cash.

This odious person sounds like she is on the road to becoming a professional in the oldest profession.

And make plans to ship her back to mommee or ego stroking granmaw.

yuck.

dolly1's picture

The grandma is a problem all by herself. She always undermines my other half which is part of the reason why we have an entitled teen on our hands. I'm already looking forward to her taki the reigns a bit more as my husband has had a huge ding dong with her about this and told her she's making setting step daughter up for a big fail 

CLove's picture

Well Hello!

Im here in the US, California to be exact. Welcome to the site!

BTW - FYI, ahem, here where I am, Ding Dong is a Tally Whacker. A Schlong. A Human Protrusion. The Inseminator.

What does Ding Dong mean over there????

Goneforsix's picture

I have exactly the same issue. Entitled brat of a SD who can rely on grandma to tell her exactly what she wants to hear. When life is just too much for her (which is 24/7) she goes crying to her for sympathy and a stroke of her ego. Even worse if my DW tries to stand up to the brat she goes to mother-in-law who then gets on to DW! The joys of dysfunctional families!

dolly1's picture

Phew! I'm glad you all agree. The allowance is a total farce. I get that she's at uni for all of 9 months of the year and 2 days a week but in my day everyone worked round the clock shifts at Mcdonalds day to get by. She works a grand total of 16 hours a week part time. So technically she still has more free time than us to earn a few bob.

I'm all for her learning the hard facts of life. This could be the worst recession any of us have ever seen and she thinks she'll be Kim K n 6 months and creaming a living from Instagram. The reality is that there's 100's of thousands of girls all trying the same sad gig on the gram. 3,000 followers and mostly men in the Far East following her. No special interest other than cleavage photos and bikini poses that she photoshops. 
 

that's fine, just keep the home and all identifiers out of it! Husband is slowly caving in to her demands and saying that when she is ultimately made redundant from her part time job (hospitality, the industry is on the floor right now) the only thing she'll have is her allowance. 
 

 

Merry's picture

Does she know that future employers will look at her social media when they're evaluating her as a job candidate?  I'm sure not going to hire someone with a demonstrated lack of judgment.

dolly1's picture

We've tried to tell her that, but she says she doesn't want our advice. Just money from us. She doesn't get that family is a two way street 

dolly1's picture

She also won't take a student loan because she doesn't want to be in debt when she leaves. Her choice. But get a job then 

youdonotdefineme's picture

Your DH should tell her allowance is stopping unless she cuts her attitude and stops promoting your home as some kind of knocking shop

 

dolly1's picture

Yep. All of this.

 

at the moment step daughter hasn't acknowledged any of my requests to get in a room and talk about it calmly as adults and find a point of negotiation. She told her brother she's done nothing wrong and her dad agreed so I've been scapegoated already 

 

 

dolly1's picture

I'm trying to. The joke is that her mum's house hasn't seen so much as a whiff of emulsion since my husband left 10 years ago so it's not photo worthy. We're not living in a penthouse by any stretch of the imagination but it's modern enough. 
 

the Instagram generation will get a big wake up call in about 3 years when they realise that looking pretty doesn't get you anywhere 

Harry's picture

GM is should be giving her money to give her the life she wants.  Not you.  I can see 100 to get her started and that it for a 19 yo going onto 35 

dolly1's picture

Good point.

 

the irony is that Grannie ruled with a rod of iron when my husband was a teenager 

dolly1's picture

Good point.

 

the irony is that Grannie ruled with a rod of iron when my husband was a teenager 

Catmom23's picture

Ugh. Yup when my bf's adult daughter doesn't get what she wants she runs to her aunt and grandmother and recruits them to henpeck him.  I'm just the b*tch who says if they want Princess to have x, y or z, why don't they give it to her?  

dolly1's picture

Yep, just that. It seems that their respect for his parenting skills all comes down to him giving her what she demands. If he doesn't they all then on him. It was fine before but in lockdown everyone needs a little bit of support, not just the one who's sat at home taking selfies every day and drinking tea in the garden with Grannie. 

Movingonisbest's picture

Sounds like your SD needs to get two jobs. My ex tried saying he needed to help his daughter more so he should give her a certain amount of money every month and just look at it as child support. For a 24+ year old?? Hell no. I would have left him. In the end I left him. None of his adult kids worked enough to take care of themselves and were always looking for handouts. I definitely wasn't dealing with a bunch of leeches so that is part of the reason I left him.

Miss T's picture

You haven't mentioned them (or I can't read) but unless you have young'uns who rely on you to keep a roof over their heads, I would leave this sh!t show.

You might offer him a choice first: She goes or I go. It might be possible to turn this ship around, but it will take a lot of time and effort even in the unlikely event that he throws Princess Baps out tomorrow. So be prepared to follow up on your threat, because I can guarantee the outcome with this type of spineless, goolies-less male.

CLove's picture

Luckily DH doesnt enable his adult bratola Feral Forger, thats her mothers job.

She doesnt have a license to drive a car (which is crucial here in California), she hasnt had a job in over a year, she has no intention of getting a job, and has her friends to shuttle her around and spend money on her. Oh, and did I mention that she is 21 and has no intention or plan on going to college????

DH is not very proud of that one. Im hoping that SD14 will be the good one...Ive also no bios of my own and was thinking at one time of including the SD14 in my will, but lately have realized that I need to step back (step aside).

I hope things look up for your economy soon...we are very hard hit. BM, Toxic Troll also doesnt work, she just collects money.

dolly1's picture

We have one of those

 

BM works the bare minimum at 16 hours a week, takes over and above maintenance for the younger SS and tells the children all the time that their dad doesn't do enough 

roseanne-cleaver's picture

Hide some money away so hubby can feel the effects of his dd empting his pockets.
and then when all is said and done go take yourself a vacation. lol

Powerfamily's picture

Years ago there was a SM on here who used to remove the same amout of money from the account into her saving account everytime her DH gave money to his brat.   She built up quite a saving account because of it before he realised how much money he was giving his adult child.