Adult Children Visitation?
Background: Me and my BF have been together for 10 years, not married because I don't want to be married. His children will be 17, 19, and 22 this year. They have always lived with thier mom and we get them every other weekend (still...).
So the problem I am facing now and have been for a while is how to "stop" the scheduled visitations now that they are turning into adults. I don't mean stop them from visiting period, they are fairly good kids and of course they still need to see thier dad and hang out with him but I would like to stop it from being a schedule visitation in which we have to block off every other weekend for them still. The 17 year old still has visitation rights on a schedule which is fine but the other two adult kids will come and stay the night for the weekend too. I think it is especially strange for the 22 year old son to come stay the night. I have approached this subject with my boyfriend and he gets upset and defensive. I have tried speaking gently and I have tried speaking firmly. Im also concerned because the ex wife keeps insisting we take all the "kids". I think it is so that she gets them out of her house but my feelings are that the older kids do not need someone to babysit or watch them. My fear is that If I don't do something now that they will all be in their 20's (or worse 30's) and expecting to be with us every other weekend!! I expected that as the children grew, our time spent with them would change. For example, I'm close with my mother, but when I visit I don't stay the whole weekend and I don't expecther to clear her plans every other weekend for me. I would like to know if anyone has any strategies for having the conversation that as an adult you don't have "daddy" weekends on a schedule any more.