Advice- Posting as BM
Some of you remember the drama between me and my ex over the summer. If you don't a quick recap: He has always been an active dad but out of state most of my kids lives. He just retired from the military and decided that at 41 he didn't want to work anymore and wanted me to drop CS significantly. When I didn't agree he tried to get DD13 (only DD not our son) to come live with him and offered her a few bribes which caused a lot of issues with me and DD. Thankfully things have calmed down and everything is back to normal. DD is no longer angry. She sees her dad as much as possible and we are all good.
Except... SM reached out to me because she saw on facebook that I turned down a guest spot on a travel ball tournament for DD last weekend. It was her dad's weekend so I didn't even bring it up to DD. Travel ball has always been a sore spot as DD has been offered spots on teams over the years but due to our visitation schedule it never works out. This was one of the bribes her dad tried to use to get her to live there- it was hard to convince her that it was impossible because if she was going to live there she would come see me as much as she sees him and would still be unable to play travel.
SM said that she knows that my bios are teenagers now and if they have stuff to do they don't have to come visit. I told her that it wasn't my place to schedule over their dad's time, but thanks for understanding that they are growing up and may need more flexibility as they continue in high school.
She said that they were aware they probably aren't going to see much of the kids over the next few years.
I didn't respond... should I mention anything to their dad? Leave it alone? Should I allow them to schedule things on dad's weekends and not worry about it? I know that I am probably overly sensitive to not messing with dad's time due to all the hell we have been through with SS. DH said that I need to let exH know that his wife is giving up his parenting time (I don't know if I want to go that far though).