Very long, but you need the background. My mother became a widow in 1980. My sister and I were 16 and 19. My "Step-father" became a widow in 1986. His son was 24, and his daughters were 22 and 18. Our parents were all friends. They started dating in 1988 and moved in together in 2004. We are now 47,46,45,44 and 40. It has been a long road trying to fuse the two families together due to the opposition of him and his family. They refuse to let my mother in. The house where they live is where the kids grew up and they refuse to change anything. The living room has all thier family pictures all over the place. Thier mothers clothes are still in the closet. My mother has her things in one of the kids old bedrooms, which still has thier bedroom furniture in it. This is thier house. My mother is a visitor. She cannot redecorate or even change the shower curtains or towels without consulting with the daughters because this is thier house. They also have a summer home and the same thing goes for that house. His kids have first choice on which weekends they go to the summer house and my sister and I are only asked down if no one else wants to go. I tried going one time when one of the daughters were there and she brought her dog who went after my dog because "her dog sees the house as her territory" so I had to leave because my dog was terrified.

When my daughter was little and we were asked if we would like to go there for the weekend she was not allowed to bring a friend because it was not "our house". I asked my mother what would happen when the other grandchildren were older if they would have the same rules and I was told no because it was thier house. So I declined the offer.

Even though my mothers family has always been treated as the outsiders my daughter and my niece have always respectfully considered him as "Pop". Our children know that thier biological grandfather has passed away. My step-fathers children have made it clear that thier chidren would only call my mother by her first name???? The nasty ass wife of my step-father's son announced this in front of everyone including my mother and step-father that thier kids know that my mother is not thier "real" grandmother so they would not allow them to refer to her as one. My step-father didn't say a word and my mother is very passive and told me and my sister to just leave it alone. I have been leaving this type of behavior alone for years and I can't take it any longer.

One time my step-father was congratulated after my nieces sporting event and he turned around and said "shes not my grandchild , she's my ladyfriends grandaughter". What a piece of shit. Thank god my niece didn't hear him, because I would have gone ape shit!!

Another time my mom went with me to visit my daughter at college and he didn.t feel like picking her up from my house and going to dinner because he was tired. I meet him half way and then he took my mom and went to his daughters house and picked her up and her two kids and they went out to dinner. I had driven all day, had to meet him, drive back home and them get something to eat by myself. What a shit!!!

He is a well liked and respected businessman however he is crazy when it comes to his kids and grandkids. People would never imagine how he treats my mother and our family. It would be like you see those crazy people on tv being interviewed when one of thier famiy members does some crime and they come to thier defense saying that they could never have done that. Well this would be the same thing.

Because of the situation with the summer home his family is with them almost every weekend so the grandkids see my mother more then her own 2 grandchildren. She has babysat, taken them to school, ccd classes, karate, and sat through all of thier music recitals and sporting events. She has cared for them when they are sick and treated them no different then her own. They call her by her first name!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This makes me sick.

Against every fiber of my body I have agreed to let it alone for my mothers sake, but I cannot do this any longer. I was taught to always stick up for myself and to not let anyone disrespect me, but she is letting this happen. This has sent the wrong message to my daughter and all the grandkids that you should just lay low and let people walk all over you.

You have one life, and one life only and you should not allow others to make you feel less important. You should never let anyone live in the shadow of another persons life. It is important for both girls and boys to know that you have a voice.

My step-brother has planned a birthday party for my step-father. (please read my blog - posted today "Step family has gone too far" this way I don't have to retype the whole thing. This is the last straw. I will not attend. (basically comes down to this. Party is scheduled without my daughter being able to attend). All the grandchildren should be there.

I need suggestions on how to handle these shelfish individuals. I need to put an end to the disrespect and show the kids that this is not the way to treat people. After all these years of allowing this type of behavior the kids need it spelled out to them that this is unacceptable behavior and will no longer be tolerated.

Sorry for the length but I had to give you the complete picture.