Hi I'm new and I need some help please
Hi, I am a mom of 2 adult D's (who live with us) and a stepmom to 3 adult SD's (none live with us). My DH and I have been together for 7 years and it seems my relationship with the SD's just keeps getting worse and worse. 2 younger SD's (aged in the early 30's) have never really wanted anything to do with me. Used to make me a bit sad, but I had a great relationship with the eldest SD who is married with kids of her own. We took family holidays, (DH, my D's eldest SD, her DH and their two kids) socialised, everything was going great. In late 2017 we began building a pool and understandably it took most of every weekend and my H and I are not contractors but did it all ourselves - phew! It was meant to be the final piece in what would make our house the ultimate relaxation and entertaining area for all of our kids, the grandkids and the grandkids still to come. In mid 2018 my MIL sadly passed away, and a couple of months later eldest SD stopped visiting as much and began getting quieter on our visits to them. I would ask her if anything was wrong and she would always say that everything was fine.
One night in November 2018, eldest SD and her DH came over to 'talk'. It basically was 3 hours of them berating us for every single issue they had ever experienced with us since H and I met 7 years ago. They were so rude, unecessarily horrible about my D's and even were rude about my other family members for no reason!! My H has always been a doormat to his D's so he sat there and took their abuse. I tried to stay quiet but every now and then I had to pull them up when they were getting severely out of line. You should have seen their faces - it's like no one had ever stood up for themselves to them before. They told the younger SD's about the night and it's just made them dislike me even more (if that was even possible).
Now, DH is working towards a restored relationship with them and expects that everything will work out and we will all go back to normal. I don't agree. They missed my youngest D's graduation, they didn't bother attending her 18th birthday. Just a couple of other reasons that I don't want them in my life anymore. This is causing huge problems between my DH and I. I get angry at the fact that he has a relationship with these people who dislike me so much, who have treated us so badly, yet he keeps going back for more. To me it seems abusive. He is a strong man but not with them. How do I make peace with this? It's not about them, it's about me. I'm so sad and it's not who I am.
Thanks for reading