JY's picture

Hello Everyone,

I need advice. My boyfriend and I live in New York. My boyfriend is currently requesting full physical and legal custody of his daughter from a previous marriage. My boyfriend's lawyer is requesting because, I am key witness in the pending trial that I appear in court to testify. I honestly figured that I wouldn't have to be a witness since the psychologist that did the forensic evaluation feels my boyfriend should have full physical and legal custody of his daughter. Now I am nervous and feel this weight over my shoulder. I don't want to say something that may hinder my boyfriend in anyway. Has anyone had a similar situation? What was the outcome? What's your advice? Any advice would be appreciated.

Thank you

Colorado Girl's picture

But I'm also not sure the basis for your BF seeking primary custody. And I'm not sure what you were a "witness" to exactly.

When it comes to my husband's court proceedings pertaining to his ex-wife and their children, I'm usually sitting at a bar or at home relaxing my nerves with a bottle of wine. I know my opinion is not necessary nor is it valued by anyone in the courtroom, well except of course my husband. So, for them to call you as a witness, I would think that your BF's lawyer would have a decent reason (like colaborating your BF's version of a story or witnessing physical abuse or whatever) otherwise....I don't see the need to take part in it if you don't feel comfortable doing so.

"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley

JY's picture

Hello Everyone,

Well the great news is I don't have to appear in court now. I am so happy because, the lawyer has decided I don't have to appear now. I hope it stays that way.

Thank you all for your advice.

losingmymind's picture

I have to go. My DH needs me to sit there and hold his hand and sometimes I have to squeeze the crap out of it to keep him from jumping up and screaming at the looney BM. She comes up with some doozies!

I would go if they are asking you to. I can appreciate that Cruella didn't go but every situation is different. It's not like you are going for a front row seat of the action. You could wait outside until you are needed to testify and when you are done you can go back outside that way they can't sit there and focus on you. Iif she chooses to do that there is nothing you can do about it anyway.

Sita Tara's picture

I was integral in the case, and our lawyer wanted us both there. But BM conceded before we even got to see the inside of a courtroom. I was never sure if I would have been allowed back, although our attorney expressed my desire to be there to the GAL and she felt I was a major factor in her decision to grant us custody, so she said she would recommend I come back. Like I said it never came to that.

I am of a different opinion than some in this. If it was just to modify CS or visitation I would not have gone. BUT...because we were suing a hostile BM for custody, and the psychologist and the GAL both expressed in their reports that I was a factor in the decision, I felt I should be there.

I think too whenever the SM or SF is held accountable for a child's well being they should have a right to be party to the proceedings. For instance, a friend of mine's ex sued her for increased visitation, less CS AND to have their daughter removed from his insurance (or lack there of) and added to her SF's insurance. The court ordered the SF had to put his SD on his insurance, yet he was not allowed in the court room. I see this as a great injustice to Sparents. We are held accountable but have no rights? The laws are changing on this one. Hopefully it will happen in time for some of us custodial step parents to see evidence of it.

“I never gave away anything without wishing I had kept it; nor kept it without wishing I had given it away.” ~Louise Brooks

JY's picture

Well my boyfriend's lawyer has requested my appearance in court tomorrow. I am a liitle nervous. Say a prayer for us!

doglover1's picture

with that. I went to court once with Bf and that was last time. His ex hates me with a passion and can not look at me without lunging at me. Last time i saw her which was years ago she physically attacked me. Which resulted in yet another court hearing. Dysfunction a game the whole family plays!

JY's picture

Well the psychologist that performed the forensic assessment on her states my boyfriend's ex is jealous of me. I told the psychologist what is there to be jealous of if she doesn't even know me.
Honestly, she never had a problem with me before. She separated from my boyfriend and for a year she never went to the extremes she has gone to after the year. After the year she attacked everyone that was involved with my boyfriend. She went so far as to call in herself or have someone who she know's call in an anonymous false allegation against me and my boyfriend to the Administration for Children Service. Me and my boyfriend went through the whole process and the case was unfounded.
So, what is it like testifying? I mean what types of questioning do they ask you? Just curious. Smile

bellacita's picture

its really tough...i havent had to testify so i dont have an advice to offer there except try to stay calm and just tell the truth. i just wanted to wish u the best of luck and know that u will be in my thoughts today...let us know how it goes.