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SD doesn't brush her teeth

JY's picture

Over the weekend Step-daughter was at our home. On Saturday Step-daughter was doing her homework in the kitchen with her cousin(who is my cousin also), who slept over. I came downstairs with fiance. I went to the kitchen, and I asked if step-daughter and my cousin had brushed their teeth? My cousin stood quiet because, the day before he had told me he had forgotten his toothbrush. Step-daughter replied,"no." I waited a few minutes to see if step-daughter went upstairs to the bathroom to brush her teeth. Step-daughter continued doing her homework. I then told my cousin to go upstairs and brush his teeth, I gave him a toothbrush. When my cousin walked away, I told step-daughter that when my cousin returns she should go to brush her teeth.
My cousin came down and step-daughter went upstairs. A few seconds later step-daughter came back inquiring which one was her brush? Fiance, step-daughter's dad is sitting in the living room, and he goes what do you mean which one is your brush? Step-daughter says they are two red toothbrushes. Fiance is like bring down the toothbrush holder. Step-daughter finally figures out which one is her toothbrush, and returns upstairs to brush her teeth.
When step-daughter returns I am cleaning a bottle in the kitchen. I proceed to ask step-daughter has she been brushing her teeth? Step-daughter states,"yes." I then ask step-daughter if she brushes her teeth every weekend she is here how come don't you know which one was your toothbrush? Step-daughter replied that there were two toothbrushes and she couldn't tell which one is hers. Fiance interrupts the conversation, and is like what are you getting at? I then tell him why are you interrupting me? Fiance is like because, I want to know where you are headed with this. Now I tell fiance you just told your daughter I can't question her. He is like no I didn't. I am like if you are questioning me that is the message you sent to step-daughter that I can't question her. I am like especially when I pay mortgage and bills here. Fiance then says I was just questioning where you were headed with the questions. I am like if she is washing her teeth it doesn't matter how many toothbrushes are in the toothbrush holder you would know which ones is yours. This leads me to believe she isn't brushing her teeth. I told Fiance to end the conversation.
Fiance then emails me to apologize but, I replied since he did what he did I will never question to direct step-daughter to do something.
My question to anyone was I wrong or is fiance wrong? Please Advise.

Pantera's picture

I wouldn't say that you are wrong. Next time tell your husband to get off the couch and make sure HIS daughter is brushing her teeth. If he doesn't care, I wouldn't worry about it. It will cause alot of heartache if you care and worry so much and the biological parent doesn't. On the other hand, if she skips a night, so what, but if she is skipping frequently, its a problem. I think all kids go through the not wanting to brush their teeth phase.

Truthseeker's picture

It's disturbing, I live the dream all the time with my skids. The 15 yr boy's mother spends serious $ on braces but I can count the times on one hand I've known him to brush his teeth, and he spends the majority of time at our house. The bathing is an issue, but I've told both skids (girl is 11 1/2) from day 1, before we were married, that basic good hygiene is not an option, it's a requirement, so at least now, for the most part, they bathe/shower daily. Sometimes they regress, and I've caught my stepdaughter wearing the same underwear for DAYS even when taking showers. The teeth thing is a struggle, and it's a pain in the a$$ I agree. I've told both skids if they think the opposite likes B.O. and bad breath they are in for a rude awakening . . . and no, it doesn't matter how much Axe you use!! LOL

stepmom008's picture

ugh. my sd doesn't wash her hands after going to the bathroom. or you hear the faucet turn on for like, a second and you know she didn't wash them. you would think that you wouldn't have to remind a 9 year old EVERY time she goes to the bathroom.

Truthseeker's picture

Maybe if they made AXE antibacterial gel my SS would "wash" his hands after going to the BR, haha

kelly123's picture

Honestly, I would buy her a cute toothbrush set up that all matches and put her name on everything and say, "I did this so that it will be easier for you to remember... I know it must be hard to be confused about what brush is yours."  

THen step out.

And then have the FIANCE be the one to to check that she is brushing every damn day.  Not your place.  It will just cause resentment from everyone...  my two cents...

Dogmom1321's picture

If your DH isn't bothered, don't make it your problem. I used to. Ended up only being an argument between SD and I. She can have teeth pulled, cavities, fillings, etc. I don't care because 1. not my responsibility, 2. her teeth, no one else's 3. BM and DH can worry about the dental bills since SD is lazy

Rags's picture

The parade of toothless morons no doubt continues.