never thought I'd have to post here again, but here I am smh
Here I am once again on this site asking for advice and venting. And honestly, I’m at the end of my ropes.
Before responding to this post, if you haven’t read any of my other post, I would recommend that you read my last post. (https://www.steptalk.org/forum/parenting/blended-family-issues/what-woul...)
I’m am losing myself trying to help heal and trying to get someone to see the reality of their situation. Trying to be supportive, giving advice, helping them cope emotionally, etc.. I am to the point where I’m neglecting myself trying to help someone who’s living in denial and who truly doesn’t want to help themselves.
I understand everyone has their own healing process and we cannot force them to hit milestones they aren’t ready for.
If you read the last post or any of my posts. Throughout the whole relationship with my girlfriend, since the beginning, the situation with her ex and her exes son has been the highlight of our relationship. From the way, her ex treated my girlfriend like a slave to take care of a child that’s NOT HERS. ( My girlfriend's ex cheated on her and got pregnant, so my girlfriend decided to take care of the child). That hurt me seeing someone I loved being taken advantage of and used. My girlfriend paid for EVERYTHING. Did EVERYTHING and was being used and abused like an ATM and a baby sitter. Even after my girlfriend forgave her and took on a responsibility that is not hers, her ex still decided to cheat with a multitude of men AND women! And had those same people around the kid.
From the drama surrounding us, well me, all the time. The arguing, the bickering, the demands and mind games from the ex. To her ex and her exes family threatening me on multiple occasions, the most recent was 2 weeks ago when her exes sister tried to fight me in public. I could not bear another moment. I felt overwhelmed and scared for my safety. Every other day it was drama, we could barely enjoy dates together. I tried so hard to suck it up and be supportive, but I was suffering and it was suffocating.
Although my girlfriend’s ex told her that my girlfriend is not the parent to the kid she raised, although my girlfriends ex told her that she will NEVER get custody of the child, after many years of false promises to my girlfriend of obtaining custody, after having multiple people come into the kids life, while my girlfriend raised him and took care of him more than his biological mom. Her ex has the kid calling her current girlfriend “mommy”. After so many threats from her ex on taking the boy out my girlfriends life when she’s didn’t get her way. So many years of having a kid used as a pawn and manipulation to keep you around. And surprisingly it has worked for 4 years
The last straw was when I received threats from my girlfriend's ex and her family. So I gave her an ultimatum. It’s either me or that situation. She chose this relationship because she knew deep down inside that the situation with the child was never promise because of her ex and that there would always be drama. She said that she was ready to move on and heal from the situation and let it go. But decided to see him for his birthday and drop off gifts, then supposedly that was when she got her "real" closure of the situation. Which I did not believe because she has said that so many times.
Last month I found out recently that she’s been keeping in contact with her exes mom. Her exes mom would send her pictures of the kid and tell my girlfriend that she could see him through her. Which I thought was a bad idea and unhealthy. My girlfriend said that the last time she has seen him, she had closure and she was wiping her hands with the situation, which I knew wasn’t true. When I found out she was still in contact with her exes mom, we both agreed that she would cut her off. So I thought.
Yesterday early morning while we were sleep, my girlfriend's phone starts ringing. She answered, and I heard a women's voice followed by a kids voice. She hurried and left the room to continue the phone call. When she came back, I asked her who called her and she told me that her exes mom called her because the kid wanted to speak to her. I didn't say anything. I left it alone. Because at this point I’m over it. I feel like I was beating a dead horse about a situation that or person I had no control over.
I finally spoke on it today and her response was "It did not hurt me, it didn't affect me in a negative way. It didn't make me emotionally give off bad or sad vibes. I didn't include you in it or put it on you. Honestly, I hadn't even been talking to her and she called at 6:30 in the am. I thought something happened to my son so of course, I answered especially that she called me twice. I still care about my son, love him, and care about the well being of him. That's ok. It shouldn't make you feel the way you do, especially if you don't have to deal with it. The whole reason we suggested that I stop talking to her is by how it affected me and emotionally drained and affected you but it had no negative effect on me what's so ever to let me son hear my voice and tell him I love him."
I asked her if she would have told me if I didn't ask, and her response was " wouldn't have because I know how it affects you. It only should affect you if it affects me."
My question is if you were supposed to cut ties, how was she even able to get through to you? shouldn't she be blocked?
I told her that I feel lied to and that I can no longer trust her nor her word. Her actions and words do not match up. She continuously says one thing and then says or do another. AND I AM TIRED!
She says that she doesn't feel like she has lied or did anything to betray my trust and that baffles me.
I spoke to the biological father's cousin a few weeks ago, and he has been looking for this child. He wants this child and I told my girlfriend that amongst other things such as how her ex has been in contact with the father in the past, debating on letting him be in the kid's life. And she had no idea that all of that was happening behind her back.
I feel like I'm losing my sanity. This will probably be my last post here because I'm washing my hands on this situation