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Off to make a switch with children...

Ryna0114's picture

The police could not arrest her, but he was very nice and made suggestions on how to go forward.  He said that they can arrest her for what is called incorrigible behavior, but she has to be doing it when we call them.  He suggested that we exchange kids with the Aunt, so that our 8 year old is out of harm's way, and wait basically.  When she bolts call them and they will pick her up.  Then we can get this brought before a judge.  I am going to call the social worker back and keep her informed because she said we will try another route if that doesn't work, because they also have the responsibility to protect our 8 year old from danger.  I am just so emotionally spent and completely on edge.  This is so frustrating.  

juststressedbeyondbelief's picture

DHS = HOMELAND SECURITY???!?

Did she say you were a terrorist?!? That could actually stick with you. Your SD landed you on a watchlist. Get your son out of the house, and instigate that behavior. She likely knows that you're about to get her out! Find a way.

You could always call CPS and have your husband say that he is immediately and irrevocably relinquishing his parental responsibilites to the child, and she will immediately be taken and placed into foster care. You'll have to pay child support to the state, but hell, it's better than being murdered - or your son being murdered. It's better than 20 FBI bangbuses showing up on your doorstep when your SD calls and says you're planning to assassinate the president.

Holy crap, how did she get to be like that?

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

DHS is another name for CPS where I live. It's department of human services. CPS is child protective services which is a branch of DHS. DHS also manages APS or adult protective services.

shamds's picture

she bangs any moving man for the sole purposes of getting pregnant. Has she figured how she will care and raise the baby? Obviously not!! 

STaround's picture

I would take the 8 YO and move out and let DH see 8 YO anytime he wants at my [even if really crappy] apartment.  You may be in a catch 22 situation, that they cannot take away the older kid, but will hold you responsible for the 8 YO.  You MUST take serously the comment that they have to look out after 8 yo.  GL

juststressedbeyondbelief's picture

If it's the father's child and not her's, the father can call CPS any time and relinquish his parental responsibilites.

They may not be able to take the poster's child, because the mother could have custody there.

He'll have to pay the state to keep the kid in foster care, but if he's failed that spectacularly, it might be the only option.

STaround's picture

If they think the younger child is in danger from the older one, YES, they can take the younger one.   

juststressedbeyondbelief's picture

Wait, what? 

I read this woman's last post about how dysfunctional the stepchild is. If they are truly scared for the 8 year old, they could call CPS, abandon the older child, and within a day or two, go back to their norm. Relinquishing parental responsibilities is a thing, and sometimes the right thing, in the case of imminent violent danger.

I was just commenting that CPS may not be able to take BOTH children when they relinquish rights to the older, more violent child, since the younger child belongs to the mother, and the older belongs to the father only.

STaround's picture

CPS may say the older kid is not in danger, and they have no legal authority to remove the older kid.   

I agree, that CPS may not be able to take BOTH kids, but they may have a better legal authority to take the  younger kid.  

 

ETA --  If CPS ever told me they were concerned about the safety of my kid, I would be cleaning the kitchen with my toothbursh if that was what needed.  YOu cannot ignore when they give you a warning.  

juststressedbeyondbelief's picture

There are options, but it depends on the state that she lives in.

"Respite foster care" is available to parents who can't have a child in the home, but do not want to relinquish their rights. They could have the daughter taken by the state and placed, for a fee.

"Refusal to assume parental responsibility" is another. This is where they hire a lawyer and stand before a judge, give their reasoning for doing so, and the judge decides if it's appropriate that they sign their rights away to the state.

Given she lives in the correct state, should could have the violent teen out relatively quickly, while the 8 year old stays with other family.

STaround's picture

Here is the problem.  Highly unlikely SM can get the older kid out of the house.  Her DH MAY be able to get the kid out.  Not her. OP cannot have the older kid taken by the state.  NO, SM does not stand up as "they" before the judge. NO, SM has no rights to sign away. 

Unless her DH gets the older kid out before CPS follows up, her relationship with the younger kid can be threatened.  

tog redux's picture

You can't just "relinquish your rights" to children because you don't want them anymore. Please tell me what state allows that.

 

GrabitAndGo's picture

By all means, provide your sources and enlighten us.  Everything I've read about respite foster care shows it has to do with giving actual FOSTER PARENTS a short break, and it's not birthparents handing over their kids in exchange for a fee.  

flmomma08's picture

I understand everyone is trying to protect the younger child, but I would not be sending away the kid who did nothing wrong. I would tell my DH he will have to go stay elsewhere with his kid until he figures out what he is going to do with her, and that she is not to step foot in my house or around my child again.

STaround's picture

And I did not mean to imply it was not -- but if DH would not agree I would get the hell out asap AND file for a RO on behalf of my 8 YO agaisnt the older kid.  There is no way I would jeopardize CPS taking my kid away.

flmomma08's picture

That is a good point too. If you're set on making this switch of the kids, I wouldn't let it go on longer than a couple days. Is there somewhere you can take her for a psych evaluation and hopefully they will keep her?

ndc's picture

Yes, I would go with the younger child or have DH leave with the bad seed until something could be figured out, but unless the 8 year old would consider summer time at auntie's house to be a fun vacation (and then only for a few weeks), I would not send the 8 year old away.  The younger child hasn't done anything wrong and shouldn't be "punished" or put out because the SD is a horrible, potentially dangerous person.

Has your DH looked into how he can make SD a ward of the state?  And how long that would take and whether he could get her placed elsewhere while it worked its way through the court?

GrabitAndGo's picture

I'm curious as to why a couple of people on this thread think it's matter of DH simply signing his kid over to the state like it's a used car deal.  "I no longer want her/can't control her, so here, state, you take her!"  If it were that easy the system would be even more overloaded than it already is.

Ryna0114's picture

Noone is going to take our 8 year old, because I have told everyone, even husband that I am not going to take one ounce of a chance with him.  My husband feels the same way as me, this battle with SD15 is both of us.  Our 8 year old is not being punished by going to his Aunts house, he is happy and could not wait to go, because he has an 8 year old cousin that he is there playing with.  He is probably going to cry when it is time to come back, so he is fine.  The social worker is trying to help, so are the police.  On here you only know a tad of the horrible things this teen has done, it would make you jawls drop, just as it has the authorities.  Yesterday she seen a different side of us, her dad and I.  

flmomma08's picture

I hope this works and you are able to get her out of that house soon! I didn't mean I thought he was being punished. You're trying to protect your son, but don't forget this kid is NUTS and you also need to protect yourself. I personally wouldn't allow her back in the house PERIOD.