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I need to vent and needed to share. SD ridiculous

Sotired345's picture

So my husband and I decided to reconcile get into counseling and make our marriage work. He was out of the house for roughly a month. 

This weekend was my birthday. SD was here for the weekend. Friday night was pretty standard she wanted her dads undivided attention, turned her nose up when I made for dinner and was complaining my kids were annoying. All this I said nothing about. 

Satuday I started a new job so I was around SD for maybe a half hour before she started complaining about me. I had a headache so I decided to take my daughter into the bedroom and lay down. I hear SD talking to H saying that she’s in a bad mood and is uncomfortable because she thinks I’m mad at her. Then H comes in the other room and starts interrogating me. He tells me why are you mad at my daughter. I said I have no idea what you’re talking about nobody is mad at your daughter and deep down you know this. Instead of telling her nobody is mad you’re in here starting with me for no reason. My inlaws were in the next room waiting to take us to dinner and she’s complaining about nothing.

The next morning I got up and went to the bathroom. On the floor behind the toilet I found 2 chewed up pieces of gum and wrappers. I called H in and asked him where this came from because nobody in this house has been chewing gum.

He then starts yelling at SD, she then said she couldn’t reach the garbage. We’re both livid. Not only did I find chewed gum on the bathroom floor but there was chewed pieces of gum in my kids toy chest and gum stuck to the wall in the kids bedroom and also in the shower. First of all I don’t know what would inspire this child to do that but also if either one of my kids got of hold of it they could have choked. My 2 year old and 4 and half non verbal autistic child doesn’t know how to chew gum. As I found a piece stuck to the wall right behind his bed. SD shares a room with my son, they have bunk beds and she sleeps on top he sleeps on the bottom and the gum was right behind his bed. This is kind of ridiculous don’t you guys think? A total of 6 pieces of chewed gum just scattered all around the house not one she threw away. By the way our garbage cans are on the floor so her not being able to reach it is bullshit.  

I told H every time this kid comes over there’s some kind of issue. This kid gets coddled constantly and when she comes here her father always spends time alone with her. Her parents have been divorced for 6 years now and H still goes on to says she’s a fragile child who can’t handle all this and just wants her parents back together. Personal at this point I don’t think she’s fragile anymore I think she’s just plain mean

Sotired345's picture

H got a call from her school a very upset teacher was telling him that SD said something very nasty that made two girls cry. She’s a bully as well and my H defends her and says “oh she just has no filter” “she’s just outspoken like I was as a kid” yea well I can’t find anything positive about the fact that she made 2 of her classmates cry.

Jcksjj's picture

How pathetic...she has no filter. What kind of parenting is that to just let that go without even a discussion?

MurphysLaw's picture

Yep! She’s a little sh!t, just like her old man is a big one!

This reminds me of a sweet little tale X told lovingly & while giggling like a little girl himself about Baby Pig (XSD22)

Baby Pig was in 4th grade, during lunchtime, she walks up to a lunch table that several little girls were sitting at and says 

“Beat it Whores!!!”

X thought it was absolutely adorable & hilarious.

FOURTH GRADE! How old is that? 9 10?

As I’ve said, ill bred & poorly raised.

Sotired345's picture

My SD is 9 as well and yea that’s pretty disgusting for a 9 year old to say. 

Chmmy's picture

That kills me. Everyone thought SS10 was so cute when he said things like that...not quite that bad. Now his last 2 teachers have hated his big mouth that dadeeee thinks is so cute & funny

MurphysLaw's picture

Oh yeah, the parents think it’s sooo funny!

Yeah, laugh it up, one day your little darling is gonna get a beating so bad off someone you won’t even be able to recognize them …or WORSE.

Want2's picture

A true test of your priorities. Do you put your children’s needs first or do you (as so often adamantly encouraged on StepTalk) put your marriage and spouse’s preferences on the highest pedestal?

In this case I vote for protecting your children. They cannot be exposed to chewed gum, therefore the source of chewed gum must be eliminated. If that means patdowns at the door so be it. If your DH won’t allow it then you have an even bigger choice to make.

Sotired345's picture

On Sunday he left with her early I told him not to come back until she was back at BMs also no gum or candy in the house period. Yes she will be checked from now on. Pockets, back pack, jacket pockets etc. He agreed on that no questions my kids are his as well. I told him all my trust was gone and this is how it has to be from now on. Normally he defends every little thing she does but this time he couldn’t. 

Sotired345's picture

Because we have had so many discussions with her about choking hazards and how my son and daughter don’t know any better and put things in their mouths and she still pulls this. My husband puts her on a pedestal “my daughter is such and angel and she loves her brother and sister” but in my eyes she doesn’t care about them. She’s always complaining about how annoying they are and she’s always telling them to get away from her. And you know I get that it can be normal for an older kid to be annoyed by younger kids but when you leave like 6 pieces of chewed up pieces of gum all around the house especially behind my sons bed I question what a saint she actually is. I found gum wrappers in my sons blanket as well. So if by some chance she just gave him one I’m lucky he didn’t choke and just swallowed it. 

SecondNoMore's picture

I think you're deflecting a bit here.... Your SD's gum habits are definitely disgusting, but the bigger issue is about putting yourself back in the situation with this man, who I remember as a lizard breeder (and you did not paint a pretty picture) so I'm not entirely surprised the SD is lacking in the manners/cleanliness department. I think you're focusing on smaller things to avoid the big ones. 

Sotired345's picture

she is definitely a product of her parents. She’s learned all this horrible behavior from not only her mother but because H allows her to be this way and get away with murder. I’ve told him many time you guys created this. Plus this is step talk so I figured come here for the step issues

sunshinex's picture

I get it. My DH is a good parent, but he's letting SD get away with a lot of things I'll never let our son get away with, and he won't either because I'll have the ability to demand higher standards. It's hard to demand someone parent THEIR kid to higher standards, but it's much easier when it's a mutual child. 

Harry's picture

He is not a good parent !!  Putting your other kids in danger is not what a good parent does.  and not  parenting his DD is not a good parent !!

Sotired345's picture

look I mean there are definitely bigger issues no doubt but I’m not going to come on to steptalk to go on about my other marital issues. Yea truthfully the man spends more time with his pets then his kids. He spends more time trying to be SDs friend then a parent. All they do is play video games and play with his animals. He’s not a parent period. BM is no better because she feels everyone should never discipline and give her whatever she wants. Now after all these years he finally wants to start parenting. He gives me all these thoughts of his parenting style and I don’t agree with it. She’s not my kid and honestly I probably wouldn’t have posted but that gum crap was ridiculous but that’s ok because now she’ll get more attention because they all feel that’s the answer. She’s acting out and needs to be coddled more.

shamds's picture

A good responsible parent never puts their kids bio in harms way irrespective if its bio kids, half siblings or steps. Its dangerous and unacceptable and i’ve had to drill this in hubby to nail the point when he finally said how guilty he was of doing it and it’s incredibly selfish for a parent to allow this to happen for no other reason than just because

also op what you said how hubby says she loves her siblings...  oh please (eyes rolling now sarcastically), my husband is guilty of this saying his daughters with ex adore my kids. really? Then how come they never maintain contact, never visit, ask to skype or for pics etc. Oh right because reality is they couldn’t give a flying shit but they do need to keep bare minimum basic appearances that show they care (only stupid people see what they want to see, not whats going on in reality), something which i still maintain bio mum coached them to do to ensure hubby is guilted enough to maintain paying child support indefinitely because god forbid bio mum had to spend some money of her own...

shamds's picture

A good responsible parent never puts their kids bio in harms way irrespective if its bio kids, half siblings or steps. Its dangerous and unacceptable and i’ve had to drill this in hubby to nail the point when he finally said how guilty he was of doing it and it’s incredibly selfish for a parent to allow this to happen for no other reason than just because

also op what you said how hubby says she loves her siblings...  oh please (eyes rolling now sarcastically), my husband is guilty of this saying his daughters with ex adore my kids. really? Then how come they never maintain contact, never visit, ask to skype or for pics etc. Oh right because reality is they couldn’t give a flying shit but they do need to keep bare minimum basic appearances that show they care (only stupid people see what they want to see, not whats going on in reality), something which i still maintain bio mum coached them to do to ensure hubby is guilted enough to maintain paying child support indefinitely because god forbid bio mum had to spend some money of her own...

in my case sd had been kidnapped by mum out of resentment on hubby divorcing her. Suddenly 5.5 years later out of the blue they contact dad to reestablish contact and they’re acting all in love and happy with their new half siblings who they met at 1 &2.5 yrs old

i kept thinking nowhere yet on steptalk have i hear of  skids like this singing praises and loving heir new sibmings to bits, its unnatural to feel that way especially when you have a manipulative narcissistic bio mum still helk bent on revenge, of sabotaging other and cause distress

Rags's picture

The best thing that could  happen to this kid is for her peers to whupp on her for being a bully.  It needs to happen soon IMHO.

Sotired345's picture

I took my son the the pediatrician yesterday and I saw a list behind the jar of those huge cue tips. It was list of questions about being bullied. This is not something that is taken lightly anymore. Bullies get in a lot of trouble now. My husband tells me I need to step more and be more of step parent he constantly says “you’re her stepmother”. So? I’m not sure what I can do for her at this point. I can’t save this kid she’s too far gone. At this point her mother and father can sit there and scratch their heads when she either gets her a$$ kicked by someone bigger than her or she winds up suspended from school or worse. It’s not a joke anymore because some kids try to kill them selves when they are so badly bullied. If I ever found out one of my kids were being bullied by anyone they went to school with I’d do everything I possibly could to put a stop to it and I’m sure other parents wouldn’t just sit by either.

Rags's picture

I learned when I was a kid that the only effective way to end bullying was to just step up and bust the bully in the mouth.  Now days schools are rewarding kids for not beating bully ass and the bullies just keep doing what they do. 

My own kid got a huge award for not fighting back when a bully attacked  him in 5th grade.  We had SS in martial arts at the time and he protected himself but did not strike the bully.   I was dumbfounded by it all.  He had been bullied by a 5th grader when he was in 1st grade and had just about torn the older kids ear off over it.  He had such a reputation over the ear incident that no one messed with him for 4 more years.  When he got the award for not fighting back... the bullies swarmed.  Basically the school posted a "kick my ass" sign on SS's back with that award.

smh.

When I was the target of bullies my parents made it clear that it was my problem to solve and that if I would not stand up for myself at school, then I could learn how to fight dad when I got home from school.  That never happened.  I stepped up and started  standing up for myself.  I was an easy going kid and hated fighting.  Once I realized that getting hit hurts whether I am fighting back or not, I started fighting back.  It made sense that getting hurt for their efforts might make an impression the bullies.  It took a couple of very bloody fights that resulted in facial and other reconstructive surgeries for the bullies but in fairly short order the bullies knew not to mess with me.

susanm's picture

An award for not fighting back?  You mean just standing there and getting wailed on was considered appropriate behavior and award worthy?  Now I have heard everything.  

Rags's picture

It was infuriating to me as well.  The kid attacked SS. He just blocked the punches and kicks the kid was throwing.  SS had bruises on his arms and legs but the kid caused no real damage. 

I chewed the Principals ass for that crap.  Never have I chewed out an educator for disciplining my kid  or for giving him a poor grade. His teachers always knew that his mom and I had their backs.   We always held the kid accountable for his behavior and performance.  But for awarding him for being a pussy and letting a bully attack him without consequence... I took issue with that.