You are here

14 month olds should not be chewing gum right???

Maneater's picture

Ok I have an issue that is annoying the hell out of me. DH & I had SS for summer vacation, an entire month. DH mom is living with us at the moment as well. So I caught her giving SS who is 14 months old gum! From what I understand gum in small quantities is harmless. But I don't call 5 sticks of gum that are chewed then swallowed a small quantity. So in a very nice way I said to her "I don't think giving him gum is a good idea, isn't it bad for him?" she replied "a little gum won't hurt".
I didn't press the issue I wasn't trying to be rude so I left it alone. Then I had a word with DH about, maybe he will feel more comfortable telling his mom something. But ofcourse being the mommas boy that he is, he won't tell her anything that would spoil her fun in being the sweet grandma to SS. So I text BM & told her if she's ok with her child having gum, she said yeah, the she gave permission to grandma to feed him candy is what she said. & I told BM you do realize I mentioned gum right, & with her smart ass she replied it's candy isn't.
I maybe overstepping my boundaries but I am not okay with him having gum. It has changed his eating habits & doesn't seem to want real food anymore. He's going to bed a lot later, & he used to sleep through the night now he wakes up about 3 times wanting milk. I think it's due to the extra sugar & he goes to bed pretty much on an empty stomach so he must get hungry through the night. He is also way more crankier.
What should I do, should I ignore it? Am I over reacting? Is gum really harmless, because I seem to be the only one with a problem? If I shouldn't ignore it, how do I get grandma to stop giving him gum in a way that doesn't hurt her feeling & I don't her to tell me that I'm over stepping my boundaries?

P.S. she gave him at least 5 sticks of gum daily for about 20 days out of tge month we had him. & he swallowed every single one of them. :jawdrop:

Maneater's picture

And your wrong & late as well. Again I already acknowledged that spanking a 14 month is not good & let me also add that I'm the only one that hasn't spanked him even though I legally can:-) & have dads permission to do so, so get over it

Maneater's picture

Kay you don't give your kids gum or a sucker because they get other things dirty & sticky not because it's unhealthy or a chocking hazard for a 2 year old...

Lol some mother you are

Maneater's picture

My logic? Well first of all the spanking was another post by itself. Has nothing to do with the gum issue. & your late, I already agreed to the idea that spanking a 14th month old useless, & spanking in general regardless of age could be a bad idea as well, & I also said I was gonna take yalls advice & seek parenting classes & read some books on the proper more affective way to discipline children. So I think yall can drop the subject on that one:-)

Sticking my nose where it don't belong? Hhmmm maybe

How about you tell me where it does belong?

Disneyfan's picture


I was thinking this as well.

The baby may be waking up at night because he's hungry. He may be going through a little growth spurt.

Or he may be going to bed too early. Sleeping habits change, try putting him to bed 30 minutes later.

Why would you call BM when you didn't get the response you wanted from your husband? That just causes BM to view you as childish. It also shows her that the two of them are on the same page and you're the problem.

Maneater's picture

Your right. I just need to learn to cope with this feeling I get when these things happen. When he was born, I was the only one turning his head from side to side & kept insisting everybody else did it to. But he wasn't in my care most of the time & so ofcourse BM will do anything to contradict me. So guess what, couple months later he gets a helmet. Did she acknowledge I was right. Hell no. She said it was because of the position he was in during her pregnancy that cause the flat molded head lol

smdh's picture

I think you are trying way to hard to exert yourself as a parental figure in this child's life. Yes, you've been there since birth. Yes, he is in your home. You are still not his mother. You're never going to be his mother. And other than expecting respect in your home, you really have no rights to determine what he should and shouldn't be allowed to do. My son is 18 months old and I'd never give him gum, but I am his mother. I wouldn't be too happy if my dh remarried and my kid's sm was texting me about discipline. It would be none of her business. ANd if she spanked my child, legal or not, she'd get the beating of her life.

Maneater's picture

None of her business, I disagree. I don't think it's good that you would respond to the women that is helping you raise your child that way. And that is caring for your child more time then you. That is just my opinion, I find it hard not to be a parental figure, mother a child, or love him as my own when he's in my care over 50% of the time. When he's with us I work from home & watch him while dad works. When he's at his moms he's at daycare 8 hours a day mon-fri. So technically he spends more time physically with me. So can you at least understand why it's hard for me not to be so involved?

smdh's picture

Listen, I understand it, but understanding it doesn't change it. Read these boards. There are FULL TIME SMs on here and these kids still worship their mothers. You aren't this kid's mother. No amount of involving yourself will not change that. I really get the sense - and you'll deny this because you're young - that you think that if you're raising him and you're acting like the mom it will make it so. You and your bf and his kid will be a happy family and bm will be irrelevant. It doesn't work that way.

And yes I would respond to a woman helping me raise my child that way. And when my sd was between the ages 2 and 6, I was her primary caregiver. My dh works a lot. I work from home. Her mother worked nights and even though the co said 50/50 we had her 75% of the time. AND STILL how she is being raised is none of my business. It just isn't. She isn't my kid. No matter how much I do or don't do, she knows that and knowing that makes her resent any rule I enforce. I will never get credit if she turns out right and I'll get all the blame when (not if) she turns out wrong. It's a fact of stephood, darlin'.

My kid is my business and his father's business. If he chooses to put a second wife (hypothetically) in the position he put me in with our child, that is on him, but if I CHOOSE to raise him differently, it is none of that wife's business. And in your case, your bf was ok with the gum.

BSgoinon's picture

I am a VERY involved stepmom. Very involved. I understand that.

However... I will never forget I used the term "WE are raising SS together" while talking to BM and she about FLIPPED HER LID!! OH.MY.GOSH. did she ever go bat shit crazy on me. And I first I thought "what an idiot, I am just tring to do what is best for SS here". Then when she calmed down she said these words to me that will resinate forever:

She said:
In your house, you may be raising SS, but in my "world" I am raising him with his father. I did not have a child with you, and no matter how involved YOU are in his life while he is with YOU, it is still his father that I had a child with. No matter how loving and caring you are with SS, and how much you look out for his best interest, his FATHER is the bottom line. His FATHER gave you that right and responsibility, not me. As far as I am concerned all of those things that YOU do for SS, are done by his father. What you do in your home is your business. Please don't think that I see you as an "equal partner" in raising my son. You are not. That does not mean that I don't respect you, or appreciate everything you do for him, but his father and I are the desicion makers when it comes to ss. Not you.

Now, this seriously pissed me off for about an hour. I then I had to take a step back and realize... she's right. I do the majority of the parenting in our house, but that is not something that BM deligated to me. That was DH. From that point on, when it came to anything that I thought might be a little bit sensitive, DH addressed it with BM, not me. There is still a line. Even for those of us that have done MOST of the parenting, even more so than BM. It sucks, it's frustrating.... but it is the truth.

Seems to me that you might need to take a step back and decide when it is appropriate for you to address BM, and when it would just be stirring a pot and have your DH address the issue.

smdh's picture

That might be the most intelligent thing your bm ever said. Thank you for explaining what I was trying to say. We can "contribute" to the care and the rules, etc., but we don't get to make them carte blanche and throw them out there to the kids' actual parents, especially the BM.

BSgoinon's picture

Trust me, I was shocked she was able to articulate her feelings so well. However, that is the LAST time she said anything with any kind of substance Wink now that she has basically given up on being a mom, she pretty much calls me and asks my permission to do things with her own kid... strange turn of events, but whatever...

smdh's picture

Looks to me like they're all deadset on "winning" an argument and determined to disagree with one another. That will work wonders for this child when he learns to use it to get his way. Sad

Maneater's picture

Oh really I didn't know school taught you how to be a parent, raise a child, or how to be married. How old are you? And what school taught you these things?

Maneater's picture

Now this I can respect. & good info. I was aware of those classes but never took them. This whole parenting is all new to me. And I'm just now realizing that there is a lot more to parenting then feeding & changing diapers. I literally thought spanking is the norm, I grew up
Around it, every adult I know with kids spanks. So all this info is all new to me. So this is the smartest thing you've posted to me, all those other name calling & judging & assuming IMO is immature & doesn't relay the message you are trying to send.

Disneyfan's picture

Oh please

The comments you get are based on the info you have posted. Since you don't like the responses, you're trying to rewrite the story and play the victim.

If BM calls you her son's second mom when she needs something, she has figured out that you're silly enough to fall for that. In other words, she's using you. You're so focused on trying to out mom mom, that you don't even see that you're being used.

Shaman29's picture

I'm sorry, but you're insulting the very people who are giving you extremely good advice. Which is to back off from interfering when the BM, MIL and DH are opposed to your views. They're not telling you this because they think it's a good idea to give gum to a 14 month old. They're telling you this to save you a lot of frustration.

Re-read BSgoingon's story about what the BM told her. It makes a lot of sense. You are not this child's mother and you never will be. Step-parenting is difficult enough and you'll just make it harder on yourself if you keep fighting against the parents and grandparents all of the time when it comes to your SS.

Orange County Ca's picture

Ignorantly I gave my two year old a piece of hard candy and he immediately choked on it. Fortunately his body just contracted his lungs and it flew out like a from slingshot.

I'd really be worried about that heppening to this kid but in the end you're a powerless step-mother and you've said your piece.

oneoffour's picture

Children under 3 should not be given gum. It is a choking hazard. Done. As for your ideas about sugar highs... there is no such thing. Even adults who get sugar highs will pass out and behave sleepy than act all crazy. It is a fallacy. but like most things if you look for it you will find it. And the sugar in gum is minimal so a sugar high is not happening. But then the choking hazard hasn't occurred to you at all?

Let me guess why he is not interested in eating. He is either snacking a lot or it is too hot and he is not getting enough exercise to work up an appetite. The heat will also wake him up at night. Give him a bottle with cold water.

If you continue to poo-poo the ideas from people who have already been parents then you are as silly as you sound.

Maneater's picture

Oneoffour thank you thank you so much for your comment. You gave me just the answer I was looking for. The reason I like your comment is because you were direct & you answered with facts. And you answered my original questions un like all the other post. Like someone asked me why I would go to BM when DH said gum was ok.

First of all, DH never said gum was ok, he just didn't want to confront his own mother about it.

Second of all, that poster missed my real concern & now what's to tell me that it makes me look childish for going to BM with the issue.( just plain useless info, that I dont care to use)

But anyways, since your the only one here that seems to know what your talking about when it come to GUM, he has not chocked yet thank god, but could there be long term health issues with swallowing nearly 250 pieces of gum in one month, can the body digest gum & pass it off with no problem?

Maneater's picture


BSgoinon's picture

It is possible that the pediatrician is a man, and OP ate him. Maneater... Wink I kid I kid.