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Stepparent can legally spank skids!!!!!!! Yay!!!!

Maneater's picture

This is my 3rd time writing on this subject. Though I haven't decided yet if I will be spanking my SS, after a little research & some phone calls it is completely legal & NOT I repeat NOT a form of child abuse to spank your step child much less your own kids. I know many of you would consider me evil & what not, but I know I'm not. I love my SS, & with DH permission I'm free to spank as a form of punishment. BM doesn't agree, but that's just to bad. So far I have been in SS life since he was born, I have done everything his BM does for him. Feeding, diaper changes, taking care of boo boos, going through sleepless nights for taking care of SS when he gets sick, financially support, teaching, even helped in planning his first birthday party. So when it comes to descipline why should I be excluded by BM now? I don't think so...
And by excluded I mean she literally excluded me, she told DH, that she doesn't mind if DH family (dad,mom, aunts, uncles) spanked SS, but she does mind it if I do. Now if she was more like "I don't want SM spanking because I don't spank my own son" or "I want the spanking to be exclusively left up to mommy & daddy" then I could understand that. But to just exclude me is unfair to me on her behalf.

So this post goes out to all you BM & SM, who critized me for even thinking about spanking. It does not make me an abusive parent nor a bad parent.

Frustr8d1's picture

I'm a little new here---just had to say I love your Signature, "Friends don't let friends become Stepparents!" Dirol

Anon2009's picture

If he's 8 months old, you shouldn't be spanking him and neither should anyone else.

Disneyfan's picture

Just because you CAN do something, doesn't mean you SHOULD.

You're asking for trouble. The mother has made it clear to both you and the father that she is fine with you punishing the child as long as you don't hit him. You seem hell bent on doing just that.

Since you seem happy to be able to hit a child, I hope you will be happy to hit an adult as well. Many parents are willing to fight over people hitting their kids.

Still Have Hope's picture

No one should spank a baby. Babies do not have the ability to understand behavioral consequences so punishment serves no purpose. Please read up on child development. Your actions are inappropriate and seemed to be motivated by spite. Certainly you are not acting in the best interest of the infant.

Disneyfan's picture

It means the BM and BD were in a relatiosnhip. OP and Dad started messing around and dad left BM to be with the OP.

Maneater's picture

Yes thats what it means but it didn't really happen that way. BM chooses to believe that. the truth is DH met me a week after he broke up with BM, then a month into our relationship she calls him to tell him she's pregnant.

Orchid91's picture

Shame on you!

No child, let alone baby should be spanked. It is only uneducated, immoral and unintelligent people that spank. I don't care what degree you have or what university you went are seriously lacking basic education. One day it will be illegal to spank any child. I think this will happen in the UK before the US though as it seems a lot more common in the US.

It is beyond my understanding how people can justify it to themselves. If anyone spanked my child there would be hell to pay. I would phone the police and report them for assaulting a child.

This poor baby should be given to a loving family who actually know how to raise children the right way.

Orchid91's picture

Congratulations on raising two successful individuals without needing to spank!

I honestly can't believe this wasn't made illegal decades ago. You will never ever find a child psychologist who condones spanking. That fact alone, not to mention the mountains of evidence that children don't need to be hit should be enough to make it illegal.

doll faced sm's picture

This can't be real. What real person would rejoice at discovering that it's legal to hit a baby? I am pro-spanking, but this is reprehensible.

And, OP, if you are real, you should know babies don't have the ability to connect cause and effect until they're about a year old. They further don't even begin to develop impulse control until they're about 18 mo.s. These are child rearing basics; if you don't know them, you should kindly excuse yourself from this baby's life.

sterlingsilver's picture

I haven't read all the posts here but wanted to say that after raising a disabled child I finally figured out that the BEST for of discipline was POSITIVE RE-ENFORCEMENT works far better then spanking. I was spenked as a child and in every case I don't remember the misdeed that got me in trouble, I just remember the emotional pain it caused me to be spanked. I did swat my children a few times out of sheer frustration, but I never spanked them. My kids have all grown up to be very respectful teens. Spanking is wrong. The adult is bigger and stronger and the child has no way of defending or being safe - it's just never a good thing to spank. Cause and affect discipline is the best alternative. Spanking infants makes me feel very sad. Infants have no way of knowing why they are being hurt. They have needs and should always be kept safe and know they are loved.

OMG, this is such a hot topic for me Sad

little_bug's picture

no an infant or toddler for that matter should be spanked. to me a spanking is mom or dads hand giving one or two swats. I truly believe anything beyond that is un-necessary. I only spank as a last resort. When I have asked, I have told, I have warned, we do time-outs even. My boys get lots of chances to shape up before there is that level of fed up for me. I know as a chld I got spanked with all kinds of stuff; newspapers, fly swatters, belts. I won't spank with anything then my hand EVER.

sometimesmomof123kids's picture

If my DH and I split up, I would not want anyone spanking my DS except his father, and I don't even agree with HIM doing it. But I would pray his love would temper anything he would do.

BM is right to ask this. You could be mad and/or hate your SS enough to really hurt them so why would you need or want to hold back?

I am not saying you would really want to hurt the kid or that you are a mean abuser, but it should totally be a no-no.

If ANYONE hits my kid, I am going after them. Period.

Again, JMHO

twopines's picture

>>>she told DH, that she doesn't mind if DH family (dad,mom, aunts, uncles) spanked SS<<<
>>>with DH permission I'm free to spank as a form of punishment<<<

Well goody for you! Now your life has meaning and you can move forward knowing you are in a long line of people allowed to take a whack at this kid.

Disneyfan's picture

I live in Brooklyn, New York. When I see Hispanic, I think Puerto Rican or a Domincan. I don't even think Mexican until I see the location.

Pretty\ugly never occured to me.

The things that did pop out at me were petty, insecure, lack of experience, gloat and karma.

If this guy cheated on the BM and left her with a kids, he won't think twice about doing the same to the OP.

Orange County Ca's picture

There are no definitive studies on the subject that I'm aware of. It would take 40years to follow a huge number of just born babies to mid-life. Half spanked and half not - to see how the generation turned out.

But gut feelings tells me that as a step-parent you are headed for trouble.

Maneater's picture

I am not surprised at the comments I got. I can see why it angered so many of you ladies. The main purpose for my OP was to let others know it is legal to spank, and that a step-perant can spank as well. I was being told by some that its considered child abuse but obviously those were people giving me their opinion and not facts. I think the topic of spanking is like the topic of abortion, people are either for it or EXTREMELY against it. People who are extremely against abortion hate people who don't see a problem with abortion even if those with no problem with abortion will never abort themselves. I say this because I'm not against spanking even when it comes to my stepson, but I haven't spanked him yet, and don't know if I will, and yet all of your comments clearly show you ladies hate women like me, and will go as far as to call me abusive and just a waste of human space. I will admit, the title was just to catch peoples attention. No it does not make me happy and excited to be able to spank my stepson. I don't believe any good mother would find that exciting, because I would hate to have to spank my SS. I have tons of patience & haven't had to spake him yet. One thing I did get out of the comments is that I should try other forms of discipline first. I will be seeking some parenting classes & get a book or two on the subject. I don't have children of my own yet so I am new to parenting & so is my husband. Also to clarify my DH is a good man lol & far from a looser. What I put on my bio is also misleading. I didn't literally steal DH from BM. I was DH rebound chick pretty much. He met me a week after breaking up with BM. A month into our relationship BM gives DH the "I'm pregnant" phone call. DH response "sorry I've moved on & in love with someone new" So she chose to continue her pregnancy knowing she would be a single mother. But of course she hates me & wants to blame me for her incomplete family. All she sees is that I stole her boyfriend & that I'm actively trying to steal her son too. She feels that way because I'm so involved in SS life and is threatened by the tight bond my SS has with me.

Also I'm not raging with anger like some of you have said. I have no reason to be angry. Another thing, I could be wrong, but I find it hard to believe that a 14 month old is incapable of knowing cause & affect, or is too young & not developed enough to know right from wrong. And by right from wrong I don't mean on an adult level but on a toddler lever. For example I believe my SS knows that it is a no no or wrong to play with the dogs water bowl. He stays away from it because he's been taught to stay away. When he thinks we are not looking he slowly walks over to play with it, the min he hears one of us walking towards him he quickly walks away from it with a cute guilty smile on his face and his hands buried in his shirt because he's trying to dry his hands so that we don't see they are wet. LOL it is the cutest thing. But again the is my first child so I could be wrong.

I'm taking the time to clarify some misunderstandings because I want to continue to post & ask questions without being remembered as the one who gives SMs a bad rap. I know for a fact that I'm a good SM. I spend a lot of time and energy educating my self on how I can improve the relationship I have with BM, and overall learning how to be a good mom to my SS. If I didn't care about him I wouldn't take the time to ask for opinions on spanking and other topics I've posted in the past.

Debz71's picture

I have a teenage sone 14 yrs, and a 23 month old son and a SD8 - I did use spanking as a discipline for my eldest also being that it was also14yrs ago and information has changed, I never spanked (Spanked a word used for hitting children - it is hitting no matter how you dress it up) my son when he was that young there is no need to. I will not be using spanking for my youngest son it is wrong and I regret it.

Try time out - they are still at such a developmental age where it would be unfair and have such a negative impact on the poor boy. I am glad you are going to go to parenting classes but I also think once you are a mother to your own brood you would be horrified you even considered hitting this boy who is only a baby.

I would love to swing my SD around by her hair at times but I have never raised my voice to her in five years. I would NEVER hit her i can't even imagine what has given you the thought that this is your right at all. It is his father role to do the disciplining and i would hope he was also not considering hitting this boy.

Read books, join parenting classes, and if you can't handle being a SM to the point that you are considering hitting this child then maybe you should be honest with yourself and walk away.

To be honest if you do start to hit this baby don't expect the father to hang around I suspect you will be out of the door ....... You have a lot to learn I hope the honesty in all these posts can make you see how wrong you thinking is.

Orchid91's picture

I'm glad you clarified a little. Its good you are going to read some books on the subject. Do so soon. Hopefully you can encourage your dh to raise ss the right way by not spanking.

Whether spanking is right isn't even debatable. It is wrong 100% of the time. The people who think its right just haven't educated themselves enough on the subject of child development and child psychology.

Maneater's picture

Thank you for commenting something that makes sence, & not attacking me for something stupid like calling my SS my child. Your right spanking is wrong in general. Nomatter who you are or who your spanking. DH & I will be attending parenting classes together.

Maneater's picture

Bookishworm & Stepdown, why do you ladies continue to press the issue on that he is NOT my son??? Of course I know he is not my biological son, he is MY stepson & I'm his stepmother. Either way step or biological I consider him my son. I know I have no legal rights to him other then through DH. If BM passed away, guess who's son he legally becomes? If I choose to adopt him, MINE. Not the next door neighbor or the teacher or even his aunt or grandmother but mine. This boy has 3 parents raising him, & I'm one of them. If I really saw him as not my child like how you guys see it, then I should stop caring for him, stop taking him to doctors appointments when his BM can't, and in general stop doing anything his BM does for him. I consider myself his 2nd mother. Like I said I've raised this kid since birth along with the BM & DH. He is even starting to utter the words "mum mum" to me. So you mean to tell me I'm expected to feed, clean & take care of this child, carry him in my insurance, but don't get to benifit from claiming the child as my own & calling him my son too. Because I don't say he's my son & nobody else's, I'm saying he's my son too.

I'm sorry for not being educated on the whole spanking ordeal & his BM mother isn't either because guess what, she spanks him too. So like I said before I'm open to the idea that I'm wrong about spanking a 14 month old, I will be educating on the subject. Now I wonder how all this will unfold. Suppose I do get educated on the subject & learn a new way to discipline & punish a child without spanking. Then I teach DH what I have learned & come up with a new parenting plan. The next step is to meet with BM & tell her she's been wrong all along about she has been raising HER son & that she should do it our way or just stop what she is doing. Now how will that make me look? What will she think of me then? That I'm a controlling SM, over stepping my boundaries, & she will think who am I to tell her how to raise HER son, and to sum up her feeling for me I give stepmoms a bad rapp.

Why go to all the trouble why should I even care he's not MY son right?

I think if I took that attitude then it would make me a bad negligent stepmother. But that is not the case, I'm glad I discovered that spanking a 14 month old is stupid, I could be this child's only hope to stop anybody from laying another hand on him if I fight hard enough, & that makes me a damn good stepmother!!
So stepdown I didn't miss anything & I am RIGHT about one thing, that as a stepparent I can spank my stepchild if I want to & BM can't stop me. & that is the ugly truth. As far as everything else you guys are right. We have been raising this child the wrong way & thanks to me the STEPMOM who realized it.

Disneyfan's picture

You are not his parent.

If dad dies, guess who will never see the child again(unless BM says it's OK)?? YOU

BM has made her feelings clear about you spanking HER son. She's not OK with it. Why continue to push this?

You're just asking for BM to beat the heck out of you.

Maneater's picture

Lol if dad dies good one, never saw it that way...

& I'm not pushing anything anymore, BM doesn't get to tell me what to do. I follow orders from DH not BM regarding my SS.

Maneater's picture

Stepdown YOU miss understood everything I said. I don't just KNOW the child from birth I've been raising him. Big difference. Nice to know you knew your niece & nephew from birth, but did you raise them?

I admited to having a lack of knowledge on child development, I stopped arguing that. Not because I'm stupid or uneducated but because I don't have any children of my own & SS is the first child I am raising.

I also said that I was taking the advice on taking parenting classes!! Go back & re-read, since you missed that...

And I didn't say a 14 month old KNOWS right from wrong, I said I find it hard to believe that HE DOESN'T know because of what I have noticed in him. Again big difference.

Maneater's picture

Good for you. I feel the same way. But in my case BM gave permission to all her family & DH family to spank her son & excluded me. What kind of mother would do that?

Stepmom_Lori's picture

A smart mother. If I was your BM and I found out that you laid a hand on my 14 month old I would beat you within an inch of your life.

Whether it's legal or not, you have no right to hit a child that is not yours. How would you like it if I came to your house and smacked your 8 month old?? It's not illegal for me to spank someone else's child, is it?

Back off, you are not this kid's parent, seriously.

stepmom1183's picture

Look over the custody papers very carefully here. If there is anything stating that only the bm and bd can issue corporal punishment, you are walking on thin ice here. If the bm has expressed she does not want you issuing corporal punishment to her child, then you cannot. Now, am I seeing this right? This is a baby? Why in the world would there be an appropriate time to spank a baby?! That is uncalled for. Perhaps a light swat on the hand or a firm shaking of the finger with a stern "no." But spanking? No way!!! I do agree with spanking myself. I believe however that it is not appropriate for everything and absolutely not in any way appropriate for a baby! I was spanked as a kid and I turned out just fine. Be very cautious here again. You could open a can of worms here.

frustrated-mom's picture

Most of you don't understand the whole goal of spanking. It's not to inflict pain, it’s to gain compliance and recognition of your authority from the child.

A 14 month old can’t do that. Hitting them can “train” them to not do something just like hitting a dog.

With a child and especially a teen, the most important part of spanking is gaining compliance. It’s the whole process:
- The child acknowledges what they did wrong and the result is a spanking
- In the old days, the child went to get the paddle or belt or cut a switch
- The child assumes the position without arguing or whining
- The child is hit
- The chld acknowledges again what they did wrong and what will happen if they do it again
- In the old days, the child returned the belt or paddle.

When my father used to spank me and my siblings, it was always with a paddle. As long as my sisters and I did what we were told and didn't fight the spanking, my dad barely hit us. His whole goal was to gain control and compliance.

With my brother, he challenged our dad, fought and argued and wouldn’t assume the position. My father ended up using a rod on him. When my brother was about 15 and in his teenage rebellion, our dad did that every day until he would follow the procedure and submitted to his spankings without saying a word and completely submitted to his authority and acknowledged that he deserved to be beaten for what he had done. It took about 2 or 3 weeks.

Now you can’t do that, but that was what turned my brother around. He acknowledged that my father was boss and he was to do what his father said or he would beat his bottom black and blue so he couldn’t sit for a month. My brother turned out fine but that never would have happened if our dad didn't get tough with him. My mom calls it beating Jesus into him. LOL.

Things wouldn’t be the same with former SD16 if her father had spanked her the way my father spanked my brother.

With stepparents, it would be nice to be able to do that since we have no authority and no way to force compliance when the bioparents won’t do it.

Orchid91's picture

Actually most people do realise the goal of spanking. You don't seem to realise it isn't necessary or indeed right. I could argue this til I'm blue in the face though it falls on deaf ears where ignorance is concerned. You may gain compliance in the short term (just through fear- not because the child actually believes that they should behave that way). The child may grow up and 'turn out ok' but you have no way of figuring out what the cost was. That child could have turned out better if their parents had bothered to bring their children up the correct way, starting by not spanking. That's rule number 1 in being a good parent in my opinion. I am disgusted that so many parents fail at educating themselves , or just choose to ignore advice because at the end of the day they think they know better. It is wrong for any child at any age.

Disneyfan's picture

Things wouldn't be the way they are with your former SD if her father had been a parent from day one.

I wonder how many SPs that are so willing to spank their SKs are willing to fight the BPs as well. If BM's SO ever hit one of DF's girls, he will beat the hell out of him.

SanAntonioSoccerMom's picture

The poster, her "sexy AA" husband, and his ex all sound like a bunch of 12 year olds. I have never in my life heard of a group discussion between exes regarding who can spank a freaking infant. Seriously. Grow up.

And you may want to read up on the law. You can be charged with "Injury to a Child" for spanking. There have been several high profile cases in TX in which BIO MOTHERS have spanked their children (one was two years old) were charged, and been sentenced in court.

supermom123's picture

Maneater, don't spank. Sounds like you get the picture. The parenting classes will be helpful! Very few parenting classes these days recommend spanking -- a few do, so watch out which one you sign up for. You don't need to spank, there are lots of other ways to make your point.

My son's Stepmom spanked him once .... once! After that, I threatened her that if she did it again, CPS would be informed. It never happened again, I'm proud to say.

I've called my own step-daughters "my kids" many times ... don't feel bad about that. They ARE my kids, considering all that I do for them!

keepingitreal's picture

My brother spanked my baby niece...I kicked his ASS...WTHECK is ANYONE spanking a baby for? People have lost their minds!

BSgoinon's picture

Seriously?!?!!? I wish someone would delete this thread already. It just gets people all fired up. And I am fairly certain the OP lived under a bridge in the first place.

keepingitreal's picture

I am not, I'm commenting on a lot of stuff. Sorry for having an opinion in an open forum. Guess its an open forum for a select few * eye roll *

BSgoinon's picture

I just hate this post all together. That's all I was saying. It seems like it is dragged out of the wood works every so often and gets people all fired up when the OP was somewhat of a pot stirrer and is no longer around ( I don't think).

keepingitreal's picture

I don't believe I'm the one who started a hissing match for no reason whatsoever. Thanks for the warm welcome.

BSgoinon's picture

Seriously, my post wasn't directed at you. You obviously have the same opinion on this topic (the original post here) as most of us here. I just truly HATE this post. It was a bitter discussion in July and it is brought back to life every so often... starts it alllll over again. There is no way for you to have known that.

Welcome. By the way.

lawyergirl06's picture

I am not a fan of spanking but I will say that by the time I was a year and a half or so, my mom would swat us on the butt, through our diaper, one pop, just to get our attention. It didn't hurt, it sounded bad because of the diaper, and it was usually something like, when we were about to touch a hot stove or play with a knife. I am not saying it's ok to spank a 14 month old, I don't agree with that to any degree, but I guess I'm wondering where you draw the line?

dinky78's picture

This got my attention due to very similar issues we are having with DH ex and her new husband. DHex left him for his friend when SS was only 2 days old. Tey must have been duing this whilre she was prego with their son. That goes to show you wha type of person she is. to make a long story short DH ex's new husband spanked DH kids SD 9 and on the autism spectrum and SS 5. Well new husband started abusing SK's. Now we re in a custody battle and DH ex is putting new husban first over her kids. This is what I posted earlier just to give you more of a backround:

I’m new here so please bare with me as this is only my second post. I don't know where to begin. My DH is currently in the middle of a custody battle. First let me start by saying that we were trying to get full custody of his two children due to abuse in the home. CPS was called on DH ex twice for abuse both cases were unfounded. Second the children’s guardian felt that since the kids wouldn't come out and say they were abused and CPS said it was unfounded that it was in the best interest of the children to stay with their Mom. So we presented her with an agreement which she naturally wants things changed. First and more important the guardian had made legal documentation that there was to be no corporal punishment by my DH, myself, DH ex and ex new husband who is suspected to be the abuser. Also ex new husband is not allowed to discipline the children at all. Now DH ex wants that taken out which we will not agree to and I doubt the guardian will agree to it either being that she is the one who put it in place. Second DH wants shared custody with primary at ex house so the kids don't have to change schools, and of course she does not want that either. She has been so adamant about the corporal punishment and new husband discipline the children that it has me concerned. Why would this be soooo important to her? Does she not know how to discipline without corporal punishment? It also states in the documentation that if there was any thought about spanking (which we are adamant about not changing) it would have to be cleared with a child psychologist. She wants that taken out as well. It all just seems very odd to me. Any opinions and advice would be greatly appreciated.

e prepared fr the wath ofthe moter cause let me tell you it is taking my husband alot of willpower not to beat this man's ASS!!! If you ask my DH how how he keeps his cool he wil tell you he doesn't want his kids to see him through glass meaning jail. Plus they need someone normal in there lives.

december82's picture

I live in a different country but id guess the laws regarding this issue are similar...

It is legal for a parent to spank a child open handedly on the bottom And only on their bottom to correct a behaviour

It IS illegal to spank a child when you are in an angry/agitated state of mind

Spanking a child under the age of 2 will be a huge issue for any child protective service!

No marks of ANY kind should be visible after a spanking... If there are marks there is child abuse!

Im not against spanking and at times Im sure i would be so inclined to spank, but it IS very misleading to publicly announce its legal to do so. You still run the risk of being arrested for it dependent on the circumstances! I do believe that spanking a child that spanking any child that is not your biological child could still land you in a grey area of the law and could easily become subject to the view of the authority figure ie judge/police officer/ child services agent

Also child protective services will be happy to make your life a living hell if some one decides to call them on you, having things like this documented threw such an agency does provide evidence id said person wanted to get full custody, get supervised visitation, get a protective order etc. etc.

again i don't have an issue with spanking, i do however wish that doing so was not advertised as consequence free by anyone!

dinky78's picture

Here in my state it is not illegal to spank opened handedly. However it is illegal to leave marks and to use objects i.e belt or switch. My SC both had marks left on them. SD had black and blues on her bottom and SD had broken capillaries around his eyes. We took SD to the hospital and had her checked out and from the marks and by what SD told the forensic nurse and what they saw they called CPS. SS school nurse called CPS on them when she saw my SS face. All has been documented and CPS is well aware as are all the lawyers involved in this case. I am not against spanking if done correctly however when that is the only way you know how to discipline your child and it starts getting abusive then there is a problem.
I am very fustrated because I feel like no one is listening to these children and protecting them. Their is only so much DH can due by law.
Being a SP is hard and I have my days where I say to myself what the hell did I get myself into especially that there is so much baggage with them. But I would nevre phantom doing what this man has done.

Starla's picture

A child of that age, its best to redirect them. There are messages young children get when they been spanked that will confuse them more then anything. I would keep redirecting over and over but praise the little one when they are doing the right thing such as them playing nice or trying to help you pick up toys. If the child is getting into something he shouldn't, redirect him by coloring a picture with him for instance.

dinky78's picture

That is what we due in our home is redirect, however getting BM to do that in her home is hard. She is stubborn and thinks she knows all.

jumanji's picture

While it may not be illegal to spank/physically discipline a stepchild, a court CAN (and often WILL) order you not to do so. Especially if you exhibit a level of animosity towards the child. So... I would tread carefully.

hallowed1031's picture

Okay, I'm sorry to the majority of people here who don't believe in spankings, that's just insane. Our parents were spanked, when they were kids and even before then. As of the 90's we all became such soft parents that it's becoming insane.

Don't get me wrong, I actually don't spank or lay hands on my SD. I don't see a need. However, in our living situation, I am the one who disciplines SD because he BM and my DH have over indulged this child so much so that when I first met her, SD had just turned 3, was still in diapers, still on a bottle, refusing to speak, and getting away with it because neither parent has the spine to add some freaking structure to SD's life.

I come from an abusive home. My very own BM neglected me, my SM beat me to the point where I had broken bones, dislocated appendages, and bruises that lasted over 6 weeks at a time. So, that has a definite affect on how I treat my SD. I'm the first and last in authority with her and I do not hesitate to scold her, tell her 'no, or put her behind in time-out faster than she can think of throwing her next temper-tantrum. However, that's what works with my SD. She's made remarkable improvements since someone added structure and discipline to her life. She's potty trained and when she's with me and DH, she doesn't wear a diaper at night, like she does with her BM, she doesn't whine the way she. Does in her :''s pressence, she doesn't have a bottle when she's with us, and we force her to speak as she is now 4 and in speech therapy, not because she really neeeds it, but because she's so over-indulged that all SD had to do was point and DH would go get it for her.

As much as I don't spank my SD, DH and I have discussed it. We didn't know if time-outs would work and it was a definite plan B. If the time-outs ever lose there effectiveness, hell yes, I'm going to put her over my knee if she trully deserves it. I'm an adult and one. Of her parental figures. When I married my DH, I gave my heart to my SD, too.

Maneater has done thee exact same thing. The truth of the matter is that THIS child's PARENTS have BOTH decided that spankings are an acceptable punishment. It takes a village to raise a child and if the ENTIRE village is allowed to discipline this little boy with spankings as th BIOLOGICAL PARENTS HAVE DEEMED IT ACCEPTABLE, why should SM Maneater be excluded fromthe otherwise accepted guidelines to raising this child. It sends the message to the child that SM really has no say in what is good or bad or right or wrong. Forgive my vulgarity, but effectively SM is just there to keep daddy warm in bed at night.

So, while I'm sure what people are misconstruing as 'excitement' or 'relish' is actually more of a declaritive statement that just because we are SM's or SF's doesn't mean we should not have disciplinary authority and rights equal to the rights of the BM's and BF's because we're in the trenches, too. We have rights to be treated with respect and dignity, just like the parents. We hare also involved in their lives, we interact with them and have just as much unfluence, if not more because of the fact that we are further scrutinized by all other parties, including the darn skids. I think Maneater's candid honesty is refreshing because after reading all the hellatious crap that some of the rest of you have chosen to endure, it's nice to see ssomeone stand up and say, "Hey, buddy, you married me and that means that you chose me to be your wife and to in part raise your child. I have as much right and responsibility as you to make sure this child becomes someone we can be proud of."

As far as the BM is concerned, she has no rights to tell SM that she can't discipline SS in the manner that BM, HERSELF. Deemed acceptable for everyone else and their mothers. As long as Maneater doesn't take to the extremes that my SM used, BM has no say or control over what happens at DH's house.

Rags's picture

Spanking is legal in every state for anyone acting enloco parentis. Except for maybe Delaware which I believe just passed a new law.

The below site has the overview of the applicable laws in each state.

Do your research and parent appropriately.

IMHO of course.

202stepmom's picture

Coming from a African American lol and Step lol That believe in spanking, Spanking a 8month old is a
No ! That is a baby.I can't imagine what a baby could do to need a spanking! Plus mom said she do not want you to spank her child and you should respect that as if you would want someone to respect you as a mom! Spanking may not be illegal however if your caught spanking a 8 month old do not be surprise when it land you in a lot of trouble.

Mylilmonsters's picture

Wow. I should have made popcorn for this show!
I have almost pulled my hair out I've been so frustrated by my skids, but I can't imagine writing about the prospect of hitting them with such glee.
Although, lately spanking seems like it might not be a bad idea, lol. Jk, but I sure was more obedient than they are, and I got the belt as a kid.

Bojangles's picture

The thought of having an ex or his partner, disregard my views on corporal punishment and spank my child makes my blood boil. This is one area where a 'my house my rules' approach is not acceptable. Anyone who spanks my child had better be ready to get spanked by me.

Onefootout's picture

Wow, yeah, me too, almost never go to the forums. Plenty of stuff on the blog roll. Totally missed the date on this. Oh well. I'll learn to look at the date next time.

Onefootout's picture

I can't help think this might be a fake post. But I had to laugh a little. I want to print this off and leave it out for my SS16 to see just to mess with him.

Both SS and SO know I would never lay a finger on him, especially at his age. And I would also never spank him because that would require I have physical contact with him, which I never have had intentionally. Eww, gross. Germ boy. Yuck.

not a step-parent's picture

If I ever found out the my ex-husbands new wife/girlfriend spanked one of our children I would go ballistic. We have not done that and I will not put up with it. Step-parents DO NOT have rights to do that sort of thing.

Coming from an ex who is trying to be accepting of a step-parent in my children's lives it would not work.