Spanking skids???? Do or don't
A couple days ago I ask about how to deal with my DH wanting me to be tougher on SS. DH spanks him when he truly deserves it. & it's a slight spank enough to just scare him. Alot of you said never to spank kids, others said never spank skids, others said to go for it only if BM agrees, others said I have a right as a SM to spank my SS.
Well the other day DH had a talk with BM about SS. BM called to say that she wanted us to start potty training because she began to do it at her home, so DH took the opportunity to tell her to make sure she is not spoiling him & not putting up with the temper tantrums because at our house they are getting out of control. So she agreed & conversation ended.
1 hour later this is what she texted:
I just want to make sure we are on the same page here, I don't want your wife touching my son. I don't mind you or anybody in your family spanking him if he needs it, but I don't want another women spanking my son. She can pop him on the hand or something like that, but that's it. And don't worry, no other man will ever lay a hand on our son.
Well if you were married I wouldn't forbid your husband from spanking our son if he needed to. Because if he will be the father at your house then he will also need some respect from our son. & consistency is in our sons best interest, especially by the people raising him. So unless you have a legitimate reason why don't want his SM spanking then she will be doing it, she has my permission.
I'm not going back in forth with you, let me put it to you this way, let me find out your wife hits my son!!!!!
Your threats don't scare us. Don't forget you don't run my house hold I do!!!! I don't tell you how to run yours, & I sure as hell won't be taking orders from you.....
So alittle background on us, I've been in SS life since before he was born, he is 1 year 2 months old now. IMO he is a bad little boy, compared to other kids his age. So he is being introduce to some tough love at an early age due to his outrageous behavior that DH don't want to get out of hand.
For example: SS was pressing buttons on the flat screen in the living room, DH yells out a firm "NO". SS stop
for about 5 sec. & does it again, so DH walks over & removes him from the tv & says no again & takes him to where all his toys are in a basket by the sofa. SS gets up walk over to the coffe table screams & knocks over DH soda!!!! DH walks over yells "NO" gives him 1 hand at the diaper & sits him in his play pin for about 10 min or until he stops crying.
SS has also developed throwing things when he is angry, slapping food out of your hand in the middle of feedingd if he gets angry, & throwing terrible temper tantrums.
Spanking has started to improve some of his behaviors. Now DH just has to stand up from his seat or walk over to SS & he immediatly stops & walks away cause he now understands that if he doesn't he will either get his hand smacked or a hand to the diaper.
Anyway my question is, under these circumstances would any of you SM join forces with DH & spank if needed or just stand back & watch. I've tried putting my self in BM shoes to understand why she doesn't want me spanking her son. I'm also considering long term affects. Like when DH & I finally have out own kids, how will this affect all the kids in general, will the my kids think its unfair that I dpank them & not their stepbrother, or will my SS see me as a push over & think he can get away with anything with me, will it back fire on me in the future? Will he see me as anything else other then his 2nd mom because that is exactly what I am. I do everything a bio mother does for him, he even started mumbling the word "mama" to me & makes DH very happy. DH wants SS to call me mom. Also can BM stop me legally from spanking SS if she really wated to? Have any of you had this go to court?
I personally think BM is threatened by me & doesn't want me to have any priviladges a bio mother would have. BM sees me the same way we look at the nannies at daycare. When on pick ups she tells me what to feed & not to feed, when to give him a bath, to call her if I have any questions, & on drop offs she bombards me with a million question, how many bottles did he have a day, how many bowl movements, did he wake up at night, did I give him a bath everynight, blah blah blah.... Honestly I believe I'm a better parent to SS, this is her first child & even though I have no kids I was a full time nanny to 4 kids of a wealthy family for over 3 years.