Me: I’m going to take our daughter to Chuck E. Cheese Friday please stay with the other kids.
H: don’t talk about in front of SD she might get jealous
Me: why would she care I’m taking my daughter somewhere you won’t even be there?
Any kid is going to feel
Any kid is going to feel jealous if their sibling went to Chucky Cheese while they stayed home. She will care. Don't be a jerk. I agree with your DH, don't say anything about it where SD can hear.
Yeah, I was thinking that,
Yeah, I was thinking that, too. If you had two bio kids and took one and not the other, one would be upset. But it's wrong for a skid to get upset?
Why can't DH and the skid come, too?
First off all SD wants to do
First off all SD wants to do is play video games with her dad. Second we just don’t have enough money. And I want to spend one on one time. That’s 3 kids, video games for all and food that’s an 80$ night just can’t do it. Don’t understand why it’s a crime to spend one on one time with my own child. H takes SD out all the time without us. To the movies, to dinner I don’t understand why I can’t.
It's not a crime.
It's not a crime.
It's also not a crime, and shouldn't be annoying, that DH is concerned about his daughter feeling left out. All he did was ask you not to say it in front of her, he didn't tell you not to go.
This. I have no problems with
This. I have no problems with parents doing special things with their kids one-on-one. I don't even care or think it matters why you don't want to bring sd. You still don't have to talk about it in front of her.
But why is it such a big deal
But why is it such a big deal if SD knows that her SM took her DD out without SD? Especially if DH takes SD out solo all the time?
Part of growing up is learning that it’s not all about you, and sometimes people get things that you don’t get. If DH chose to take my skids out & leave our bio at home, I would understand that. If DH chose to take one of the skids out for some solo time & the other skid & our bio stayed at home, I would understand that too.
So why would it be a big deal if I went out with my bio & left DH & skids at home? It’s healthy for parents to have solo time with their kids, I’m really not seeing the issue here.
I am just going to go with
I am just going to go with the basic courtesy that would indicate that we don't discuss parties and events that others are not invited to.. in the presence of the others. So, I kind of get his point to some extent.
But, I understand in families.. not every kid will go to every thing. I don't know how rare trips are to CC..or whether your SD is of an age where it might be fun for her. In any case.. it's not your obligation to treat her to a trip. If her father wants to.. fine..
What are you supposed to do
What are you supposed to do when you and your bio leave - lie and say you are taking her to the doctor?
People waste so much time fretting over whether a child MIGHT have the teeniest imaginary slight. This isn’t like a Christmas where one kid gets a $5 present while another gets $100s of dollars of presents.
Look the last thing I planned
Look the last thing I planned to do was leave come home with a bunch of prizes and start throwing it in SDs face. Honestly I barely speak to her to begin with so why would I do that. I personally agree with you guys that I shouldn’t be coming home and talking about what I great time we had, to me it’s just he gets so emotional over something so unnecessary. He gets upset with me when he takes SD out for private dates and I don’t want to talk about in length when he gets home, but the first thing you say to me when I’m trying to plan a nice night with my child is “don’t talk about it” it’s a lot of double standard in my home and I know I didn’t specify that but my H spends more time worrying about SDs feels then actually living and I won’t live that way nor should my kids. So I plan specific things and the father of my children won’t cone because his daughter isn’t there or he will only plan it for a weekend where she’s here. Just to specify she’s not with us full time. She lives with her mother. I just can’t live in a world where I have to worry about her feelings with everything I do. No one else spends one on one time with my kids. They do it for SD and don’t worry about my kids but that’s ok. That’s the point I’m trying to make when I say it gets annoying because no matter what I do it always gets spun around In some way.
Look. I am disengaged and
Look. I am disengaged and have had this argument years ago regarding activities with just my bios.
BUT I plan them when skids are not around. Why? Because it is courteous.
If your SD is with you full time then that is different. In which case this type of outing would be normal. And understood by all that each kid gets time out alone. And your DH can plan for his daughter accordingly.
But in how you explained the scenario it isn't right. Understandably you are upset that your life revolves around one child but that is an issue with your DH. Not to be pushed down to the skid.
And believe me, I am not pro skid just because they exist.
I’m kind of doing this to get
I’m kind of doing this to get away from them. The minute she comes over we have to do what she wants to do and that’s pretty much sit in front of the tv and play video games so I figured Let her and her father play video games while I do something with mine. It’s not fun to sit around the house while they hog the living room. Then my kids get bored and they start running around aimlessly bored. I saw this as a win win but apparently not because he made a big deal about even mentioning it. Trust me SD doesn’t want to go this is not going to hurt her in any way. She’s happy when we’re gone. I have to figure out how to keep things going when she’s here. We can’t all hide in our rooms while they play video games. SD doesn’t want us around all she does in complain about how my kids are annoying so me doing this is a way to defuse the situation. I can’t plan things when she’s not around because she’s not around and I can’t plan things when she is around because it will hurt her feelings. This is not living. I had no intention of mentioning it but I’m not going to stop doing things when she comes over.
So, when my dad took my
So, when my dad took my brother on a boys trip camping, should he have lied to the rest of us or not talked about it when they got back?
When my mum would take one of us out for ice cream for a one on one treat, should she have snuck us out then back in & kept it as ‘our little secret’?
These replies are shocking. There is nothing wrong with a parent wanting solo time with one of their kids, and the other kids knowing about it. Needing to tiptoe around & keep things fair & equal just creates entitled kids who can’t handle real life scenarios.
Life isn’t fair. Sometimes someone else gets something you want. Learning to accept & deal with that graciously is actually a pretty big life skill...
Once again this is a DH problem
Not a SD thing. You have a right to take your Bio to Chuckey C with you feeling guilty. Your DH can not make everything about SD. They go out without you, He’s never concerned about your kids being jealous of that !!! I am sure your Bio would like doing some thing fun also. He can not have it both ways. Just because SD is at her BM life just doesn’t stop.
Think your DH needs some type of help. You can not let this go on it will destroy your marriage
Read a previous post
So, you and H are trying a "wreck-conciliation"? Hows that going for you? From what you have written in your posts, your SD sounds like a mnoster min-wife, and your H is the willing enabler.
Go -have fun with your kiddo! Munchkin SD and I used to go on outings, to the park and such, leaving the miserable Toxic Feral Eldest to her own devices. Yeah, I felt bad, but she wouldnt have had that much fun anyway.
It sounds like not much has changed since last time you posted.
Lol yea wreck is right.
Lol yea wreck is right. Unfortunately the shit with SD is never going to change. I just didn’t think something as simple as taking my daughter out for two hours was going to turn into that. Next time he pulls that I’m ignoring it. He can worry about SDs feelings 24/7 im not playing into it.
When I first went back to
When I first went back to work full-time, I took my son (then 10 months) out for breakfast every weekend and told SD we had an appointment lol. BUT I wouldn't have lied if DH was spending one-on-one time with her. He wasn't though, so I wasn't going to rub it in her face or anything. Although it's normal for moms to want one-on-one time with their biokids, I didn't want the hassle of having to schedule one-on-one time with her everytime I did with my son. I was newly working and it killed me to be away from him. The only way I could handle it is if I got some time alone with him every weekend.
Aw I've stumbled across a few
Aw I've stumbled across a few of your posts so tired and I can relate to you so well. I'm actually nearly 4 months out of my relationship, I had to leave because of sd6, who was not actually a bad kid but the coddling and the every other weekend having to be spent doing what she wanted when she wanted, nobody else on this earth mattered apart from sd etc etc. I genuinely, 4 months later, still feel traumatised by it all.
I completely get why you got annoyed. Everything already seems to revolve around sd as it did with mine, why does you taking your own child out have to circle round and be made to be about sd in any way whatsoever. It's like they're there even when they're not! Nobody feels the need to continuously talk about sd she's not some wonder kid. Plus it completely shows that they are literally always on their minds, which is great but they fail to understand that other people are important too and deserve a bit if thinking about! I totally get you and hope things are getting better for you.