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How do people not see BM is crazy??

girlmeetsworld714's picture

Quick backstory: SO has a 3 year old daughter with BM (SD was a result of a "friends with benefits" relationship; SO and BM were never even dating, although BM tells everyone they were). SO and I got together weeks after SD's birth and he told BM about it when we became serious after 5 months of seeing each other (I had never met SD until AFTER SO told BM about us). BM FLIPPED and SO, who had been "a great daddy" and BM was "so happy SO and his entire family were involved in SD's life," suddenly became a deadbeat dad who didn't want anything to do with their child. After finally accepting that he wasn't going to leave me to get "back" together with her, she stopped allowing him access to SD and told everyone he just didn't try to get her.

Anyway, fast forward to now. BM's first kid's dad (who she says is SD3's "daddy" while SO is her "sperm donor" and she has been trying to get back together with for months) is dating another girl now. After trying to break up this relationship, BM has finally accepted it won't happen. She is now not allowing her kids to see this man anymore, either, saying he is a bad influence on them and that it's "in the kids' best interests" and that it's "the hardest decision but is what's best for the kids."

How in the world can people not see that she is the crazy one??? People have heard SO's side of the story of him saying she won't let him see SD3 (they're in a custody battle now; still hasn't seen her in over a year) but still believed BM because, I mean really, what kind of mother would just stop letting their kid see their father when they say on FB how much of great mother they are who always puts their kids first? Now that neither of her kids are allowed to see their dads, how do people believe her lies? I wish I could just open up everyone's eyes to who/what she really is. It infuriates me that people are supportive of her keeping her kids' fathers out of their lives!

Orange County Ca's picture

How do all those people help BM in keeping the BF's out of their kids lives?

Almost everybody has friends and for the BM's friends to believe her is normal as long as they're not standing outside his door with pitchforks and firebrands. Quit worrying about them.

Daddy is suing for custody? That's a waste of money. No court is going to award custody of a 3yo to a father unless he can prove, read again, prove, that BM is incompetent to the point of endangering the kid. Don't believe any money grubbing attorney that tells him otherwise - it just isn't going to happen.

Normal visitation - sure. Once he gets it expect the BM to continue to alienate the kid but at least he'll have a few days a month to see his kid until the kid starts believing Mommy Dearest and stop seeing Daddy entirely. But that's a topic for a few years from now.

girlmeetsworld714's picture

He's going for 50/50, not full custody. And yes I know it won't end the alienation. Knowing that doesn't make it any less frustrating though.

learningallthetime's picture

I agree with this completely. I am sure BM's friends may believe her story, just like you and your BFs friends believe his story. Who knows what the truth is. He says friends with benefits, she says dating...I doubt there is a written contract stating either, and who knows maybe both believed it to be one thing or another.

I am not trying to say he is lying, just there are always two sides and who cares who believes what? My ex's latest GF texts me that I was never in a relationship with ex, and we were friends who never had sex. I have yet to figure out where she thinks BS7 came from, or how we lived together for so many years?! It makes her feel better I guess, and frankly I wish I was never in the relationship so do not care to argue!

If you are stable in your relationship, who cares what others think? I know all my friends and family know the deal, and could not care less what my exes friends and family think of me. He could tell people he knows I am a screaming, raving lunatic (I think he probably does) and it means nothing to me.

I have not taken my ex to court based on my hurt (or lackthereof) feelings. I feel, genuinely, at this point I need to go for custody, but this is after several years of trying full custody and professionals telling me to. I kept hoping ex would shape up, but it is not happening - I dread Court. Anyone who enjoys the prospect of Court has clearly not dealt with it! Unless you have a slam dunk case it does more damage to the kids than you can imagine.

girlmeetsworld714's picture

Ahh! Our BM claims she's terrified of SO, too! She says he's emotionally and verbally abusive, while I've been with him for 3 years to her 1 month of "dating" and I have never once witnessed him being anything but emotionally supportive and loving to the fullest. She too has some of his friends believing her stories and has even turned some of my friends against me, too. Do lawyers actually fall for BM's crap? I'd like to think those kind of people who deal with these situations all the time would be able to know who is and isn't true and honest.

ocs's picture

I agree.

BM was with DH for about 17 months total, on and off. They had broken up and she came to him 2 months later pregnant. He moved her back in for the sake of the child... LOL... threw her out again when SD was a baby. BM went to go live with her cousin and aunt and DH had lots of access in the beginning.

She went completely batshit when DH and I met and got married 13 yrs later- she tells people I'm a home wrecker and calls him her ex-husband. Smile pathetic really. Quite frankly, I could care less what her friends and family think. Our friends and family know the truth and come on now... poor widdle victim, wid no money and no daaaaaddddyyyyyy to take care of her now 3 children with different men.
Since my DH is totally responsible she comes after him because she has no money to take care of the other two WHO ARE NOT DH's. again, pathetic.