Stepdaughter hates me, HELP
I don't know where to post this, but here we go.
I moved in with my boyfriend and his 7 year old daughter back in March. I have been her daycare provider for the past two years, so we know each other and had developed a relationship before I moved in. She at one point loved me. Now I'm having THE HARDEST TIME with her.
She's an only child and is spoiled rotten. She doesn't say please and thank you, she doesn't even ask for things, just demands she gets them. If she doesn't get what she wants, she throws a fit like a 3 year old. She refuses to clean up after herself. Her room is a total mess. All I ask of her is to speak to people with respect, clean up after herself, and help other people out when they ask. She CANNOT do it. "Can you please get me a fork" works a hell of a lot better than "I need a fork," but her dad won't back me up with any of this. He keeps saying "her whole world has been flipped upside down in the past year" (her parents just divorced) and excuses all her shitty behavior. She yells that she hates me and I'm so mean and he needs to break up with me, and blah blah. At the beginning, instead of fighting back with her, I'd lock myself in the bathroom and cry because she made me feel like absolute shit. Now that I don't let her walk all over me, and I'm dishing out consequences for her actions, I'm the worst person in the world.
Last night he yelled at her for being disrespectful to me all weekend and her response was "you don't love me anymore!" and now I'm to blame for all her bad behavior and I need to change what I'm doing, "she's just a kid."
I don't know what to do. He says I need to "chill out" and not be up her ass. Why? So she can continue to act like an entitled rude disrespectful little turd? I can't live like that.I can't live with her the way things are. I don't know what to do. I don't want to have a shitty relationship with her. I was in a relationship in the past with a guy who had a daughter and she is still one of the most important people in my life and she still refers to me as her stepmom. I've done the "stepmom" thing before, but this is a totally different child and a totally different situation and I'm so lost.
Do I just let her do whatever she wants to avoid the fight? Or do I stick with my guns and enforce the manners?