Bm attempting to schedule things on dh's time yet again.
Bm always attempts (successfully and unsuccessfully) to schedule things on dh's time. A few weeks ago it was pictures (yet again) another time it was she had to baby sit her little brother (ever heard of hire a babysitter as sd isn't available?)
This is dh's one month extended period with his daughter. BM gets sd for a full weekend during this month. Sd13 comes to me and says, "my mom is going to talk to daddy about scheduling a hair cut and either she can conne pick me up or dh can take me to the place." I asked her why her mom wouldn't take her during her whole weekend that she has her, or why she didn't take her before she came, or why she can't take her right before school starts?
Why do bm's do this? It doesn't make sense to me. I don't understand the reasoning that everything has to be done during dh's time.
I feel like explaining to sd that BM doesn't think dh's time is as important as her time with sd. That if she thought it was then she'd make every chance that she spends with her father a priority. Dh gets only eowe, so every chance to spend time should be important. And if she wants to get sd a haircut or pictures done, or sd babysitting, then do it on her own freaking time.
I get that haircuts only take
I get that haircuts only take a little time, but #1 it's the principle. #2 bm will find something else to do with sd, and that 30min will turn into 4 or 5 hours.
Teach your DH this sentence
Teach your DH this sentence for BM: "That doesn't work for my schedule. I'll manage SD's needs while she is with me."
The 'doesn't work for my schedule' also applies to BM picking SD up on DH's time. DH doesn't have to let it happen. DH's time is DH's time. Do make sure to take SD for a haircut, but on DH's schedule. If SD is the one insisting on this specific place, then he can tell SD she'll have to wait until she is back with her mom. If BM blows up about it, "BM, please stop interfering in my time with SD. I will manage SD's needs while she is with me."
A haircut is routine maintenence, but it's not a necessarily monthly thing. It depends on the length and style that SD has, and I've usually seen 4 weeks as the minimum time between cuts. So there is no reason BM couldn't schedule the precious haircuts on her time before and after SD sees DH. Also it would be acceptable for BM/SD to say that SD needs a haircut while she is with you. It is not acceptable for BM to determine the time, location, and cost of the haircut on DH's time. There's nothing wrong with DH finding a time that works in his own schedule and taking SD to a local place.
Lawyers, GALs and judges tend to get heat up when that 'interfere' word comes up, at least in my experience, and they really don't like cases over frivolous things. Likely both BM and DH would be called petty for ending up in court over this, so I wouldn't worry about BM's reaction too much.
Sd gets her hair cut once a
Sd gets her hair cut once a year (if not even longer than that). And that's exactly what I'm saying. If BM said, "hey, sd needs a haircut, do you mind getting it done, i didn't get a chance." That's one thing, but hey 8in going ti schedule an appointment, you can either take her or i can. THAT'S not ok.
Our BM used to schedule dr.
Our BM used to schedule dr. appointments on his time and let him know the day before. She used to schedule dance lessons on his evening during the week so he couldn't share his faith with them. It is intrusive and is done on purpose. Doesn't matter what is scheduled, it is uncalled for. If dad wants to do it, then he should have a say in scheduling it on his time. A divorce means that the other spouse is NOT at the beck and call of the other. Most BM's on here have trouble with this boundary and use guilt to push their agenda thru, the agenda being disrupting dad's life and realtionships.
DH needs to put his foot down now or it will never end. "That doesn't work for me" is the perfect response. If he needs to say more then " you don't get to schedule my time, just like I don't get to schedule your time BM" .
I believe the "sometimes
I believe the "sometimes succesful, sometimes not" part of this is the problem. He needs to be consistent. Sometimes dealing with these women takes child-parenting methods such as being consistent when telling them "no". The saying "if you give them an inch, they will always try to take the mile" and its holds true. Everytime he goes along with it, even for the sake of peace or because it's something minor, he is encouraging her to try again and again and again.