Knew This Would Happen
We live 4 hours and in a different state from BM and function on a long distance schedule. We see SS 6 weeks per year. So DH received an email today from SS9's football league stating that they would be holding a single day tryout in the coming weeks (date TBA). Well of course this would screw us over because our CO states that DH while DH has set dates for summer visitation, DH will move his summer parenting time schedule around to accommodate SS' sports, but that DH will still maintain the two two week blocks in their entirety (i.e. BM cannot split up the dates). The CO also states that BM can demand a change in visitation up until one week prior to the first scheduled parenting time, so it makes it impossible to plan things like trips, childcare, etc. The parent starting visitation is the one who provides transportation for SS so DH picks SS up from BMs and drive him back to our state at the start of visitation and BM picks SS up from our home and takes him back to BM's state at the end of visitation.
So BM emails DH and offers two options:
1. They commit to the scheduled dates and if the tryout falls on DH's visitation, DH will drive SS back to BM's state for the tryout and then back to our state to finish visitation. Transportation occurs as court ordered.
2. They commit to the scheduled dates and if the tryout falls on DH's visitation, BM will drive up to get SS and take him back to her state for the tryout and she will keep him and offer DH make up time at an undisclosed time later in the year (yeah right).
DH disagreed with both options because he wants to maintain his full parenting time as ordered and doesn't feel its fair to do so much transportation to drive SS twice round-trip and BM to only do pick up at the end.
I hate our CO because it forces DH to accomodate BM's PAS tactics and SS' sports, which always leads to DH sacrificing and/or doing tons more work than BM. DH offered BM a compromise on the first option, that if tryouts occur during DH's visitation, DH will take SS to the tryout and bring him back to our state to finish visitation, but BM has to either provide full transportation at the start and end of parenting time or agree to meet halfway at the start and end of parenting time.
DH also provided a caveat that if the tryout occurs during BM's time, they maintain the current schedule with no changes.
We shall see what she says. Honestly, she'd be dumb to decline that compromise. Of course BM had to fill the email with tons of bullshit comments about State Parenting Time guidelines and the psychological importance of DH visiting SS in BM's home state. Sorry, BM, we have been there and done that and you abused that privilege by trying to control and manipulate, so we don't visit anymore. During the custody battle last year, the judge refused to order DH to visit BM's state due to BM's previous behavior toward DH, yet she keeps trying to make that happen.
I have been doing so well at being calm and DH and I have gotten over a lot of the trauma from our past with BM and our terrible custody battle. This communication tonight stirred up a lot of feelings for me and almost sent me into a panic attack because I know it could lead to a lengthy email fight. This is why I wanted a CO that was clearly defined, but the judge ordered BM this flexibility. Lord, give me strength.
BM accepted our compromise and offered to do all transportation at the start and end of that stint. She made a big stink about DH not being clear in his email and it being confusing, so DH had to call her, sort it out, and follow up with an email documenting the decision made via phone call. She's just stupid, DH couldn't have been any clearer.
BM is now arguing about the interpretation of the CO. DH's attorney promised that DH will exercise summer parenting time in two two week blocks that cannot be split up into chunks, but that those two week blocks can be shifted to sooner or later in the summer to accomodate sports.
BM is arguing that the CO interprets it as DH will generally exercise visitation in 2 week blocks but if SS has sport obligations, she is allowed to split the time into chunks to accomodate SS' sports as long as DH gets 4 weeks total for the summer.
DH sent a very straight forward BIFF email to BM stating that he is in disagreement with her interpretation and he requested mediation if they cannot reach an agreement. BM made it clear that they cannot reach an agreement, stating that she thinks smaller chunks of time with DH are actually more beneficial for DH and SS' relationship than longer ones... BULLSHIT PAS TACTIC. DH told BM that since we have reached a compromise for this summer, we will wait and seek mediation if this becomes an issue next summer and if mediation does not bring forward an agreement, court will be necessary.
Honestly, DH and I are over this and I really wish DH would just drop rope, but I understand why he can't. I couldn't imagine giving up on my child either, but I will not regress back to the ferris wheel of hell we rode for years.