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SD14 a big time cry baby, and dh wonders why lmao

stepmominhiding's picture

We had a big important family event going on last weekend,  one of dh's neices was graduating and they were throwing a huge party. Family ws flying in from other states kinda big.  Sd also had a friend bday party invite for the same night.  On our way to dropp sd off at her mother's house she told dh that she wanted to go to her friend's party instead, but dh told her "no, we are attending this grad party, it's a big party that all of the family is going, you're not going to miss it.  Sd started crying, dh then asked her what time the party was, maybe he could take her,  it literally started the exact same time as the grad party.  Then he said, we can't drive you out here and then make it back to the party without being an hour late.  Then he asked if the friend would mind her being there an hour early.  She said she'd ask..... wtf dh! When she leaves the car dh said she keeps trying that being bull sh*t, but it never works.... ummm did I seriously misunderstand what happened in the car?  I mean, am I completely delusional? Didn't he literally JUST give in to her crying?  

He always wonders why sd cries over every single little thing,  THIS IS WHY! You give in to every single freaking thing this girl cries over. 

Honestly her crying makes me nauseous. Every time she cries I want to vomit.  And the way dh handles it makes me even more sick.  I USED to feel bad for her,  but i mean this 14yo child honestly has the maturity level of a 7yo. And she's no petite little thing either, she's at least 250lbs 5'6". So imagine this huge infant like teenage baby sitting in the back seat crying over not going to a birthday party because of family obligations.  And then daddy says,  "ok ok, I'm sorry you can go, I'm sorry" then proceeds to say "I'm so glad I stand my grounds, but I don't know why she cries so much"  kinda like, "she's just husky because of heredity" as he's purchasing a cake for this weekend when she's with us.  And she's known to gorge herself with any and all sweets  (we bought cupcakes, but had 4 extra, she ate all the extra the next morning for breakfast, along with her MASSIVE bowl of cereal).

ESMOD's picture

First.. lay of the weight issues.  Hereditary.. bad habits learned from her parents.. etc  whatever... acting disgusted at her for her "size" isn't at all helpful or kind. 

Second, I don't know of a 14 year old girl on this earth that would rather go to a "family event" like a wedding, funeral or graduation instead of going to one of her friend's parties.  Should she care more about other people's feelings.. maybe.. but at that age, most kids are a bit self absorbed and missing one party can feel like the end of the world. 

Third, 14 year old girls can also be melt downy and emotional.. all those new hormones going through their body.. and shifting around.. can def cause melt down territory.

Is your DH setting her up to manipulate.. maybe.. but then again, obviously it's probably easier for you guys to do the party alone vs toting along a sullen teen.  Let her go do her birthday party and you too enjoy the break.  It's just not worth the hassle sometimes.. and she likely will see these relatives at other times during the weekend.

Just J's picture

No one should be giving in to a teen that age throwing a tantrum! That girl needs to grow up, she's not a baby anymore. Dad giving in to this kind of BS will only set the stage for future meltdowns over stupid sh-t. Of course a teen would rather be with friends than family but they need to learn that family is important and you don't always get to do what you want when you have an obligation and you tell your DAAAADEEEE about a party you want to go to at the last minute! Please! How sickening for dad in this scenario to be bending over backwards so this "sullen teen" can get her way. Ugh! 

And I'm sorry but a 14 year old weighing over 200 lbs and eating 4 cupcakes for breakfast is all kinds of wrong and bordering on abuse by the parents. She could become diabetic or develop a whole slew of avoidable health problems but God forbid anyone mention weight or healthy eating habits to a poor whittle COD who's been indulged this whole time since it might hurt her fee fees. Yeah, heart issues and insulin injections will be real fun too. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess that baby girl's diet consists of fast food and candy and she flat out refuses to eat anything else and her indulgent parents give in when she throws a fit about it.  Give me a break. 

stepmominhiding's picture

You got the nail on the head with that.  Dh, and I'm guessing BM (I don't play very much attention to anything said about BM)  think of good as supposed to always taste like heaven,  God forbid it ever be something they don't like.  This sd has stolen candy from fundraisers at school. She will get her hands on sweets when ever possible. Both heart disease and diabetes run in BOTH SIDES of her family.  Dh's dad ws taking so many pills for heart and diabetes and ws taking insulin injections (not sure about mom, she ran off when dh was a baby).  BM's parents both have heart disease and diabetes. Sd is going to end up with both before she hits her  20s. I guarantee it. 

stepmominhiding's picture

I'm grossed out at her fir her tantrum, get weight I don't even talk about with her or dh, it's just the fact that her parents did it to her,  they give in to her every whim.  And no she hasn't seen these relatives in wks.  They are too busy taking care of last minute college things.  And she won't see them at least for another month or so,  where as she's seen her friend all last week and all this wk, as she's srill in school with him.  

Monkeysee's picture

I disagree with this completely. I’ve got an enormous extended family, and at no point in my life has going to an event with them over spending time with my friends been a burden. Though I’m lucky & am very close with my family, and was raised to value family as well.

My parents also didn’t allow us to manipulate them with tears. It wasn’t an option, they nipped that in the bud when we were actual children. 14 is not a ‘child’, she’s a minor but she’s not 5 anymore, crap like that should never wash. OP’s DH is a sh*t father for caving to that kind of manipulation.

And the weight thing.... 250 lbs at 14 years old is borderline child abuse, if not downright abuse. There is a difference between husky/slightly overweight kids and a 250 lb 14 year old. Where is this kid going to be in 10 years time if she doesn’t learn to manage her eating & if her parents don’t stop enabling her.... Ever seen ‘My 600 Pound Life’? That show isn’t cute or funny. Those people are on the verge of dying because their weight is so out of control.

There is a massive difference between being overweight & being obese. Obesity should not be celebrated, it is a health crisis. Your body literally shuts itself down. If my skids were anywhere near 250 lbs at 14 I would absolutely be concerned for the kid, and disgusted with my DH for allowing that to happen.

notarelative's picture

Most 14 year olds chose friend over family. But, if you want your child to value family, you make the family choice for them when they are teens.

My DH's ex did not get along with his sisters. They rarely, very rarely,  went to any family events and for the last dozen years of their marriage none. Consequently his children don't really know the aunts, uncles, and cousins. They go to a few funerals and no family events. At this point family has stopped sending them invitations.

I'll be amazed if SD goes to any of the family event. Once she gets to friend's house she won't want to leave. Nobody but her will be arriving an hour early. 

And why does DH think he is entitled to change the friend's party time? Oh, I know why. He didn't want to say no, so he's hoping the friend's parents will say no. He doesn't get to be the bad guy. He wants them to be.

 

 

stepmominhiding's picture

No no no,  he's wanting to know if sd's friend would mind if she hung out early so that he could make it to the graduation on time after dropping her off. He wasn't expecting her to leave at all. He even told her that we'r wouldn't be able to pick her up and that she could spend the night, if they allowed (forgot to mention that part), or her friend's mom could drop her off at the house. 

notarelative's picture

I'm sure friend's parents are thrilled. Come and hour early and spend the night, or come an hour early and friend's parent gets to bring her home. What a way to foist your responsibilities off, DH. You don't even call the parents to make the arrangements. You tell your child to do it and assume she is telling the truth when she says it's ok. Hope friend's parents aren't surprised when SD shows up early and they learn about the after party arrangements.

Adding: I went back and re-read. "...she's still in school with him ..." He's telling SD to stay overnight at a boy's house. Hello, Grandpa.

stepmominhiding's picture

I agree, dh was a real "winner"of a dad that day. I WAS THOROUGHLY grossed out over how much he lacked in common sense and parenting skills. I think he thought since he wasn't calling the parents and coordinating the whole thing, that he didn't totally give in?  I guess? I don't ignore what kind of logic he was using that day. Probably disney dad logic lol. 

 

The boy is gay,  dh wasn't too concerned about becoming a grandpa. But STILL! I agree with you.  

Siemprematahari's picture

Aside from focusing on SD's weight the other issue here is your H who continues to enable this behavior. It all comes down to him and BM at the end of the day. SD will continue to throw tantrums because she knows when she does she gets her way. This whole situation could have been a done deal by simply telling her NO. There is a grad party for his niece and family is flying from every where to celebrate. That's it, end of story. If she doesn't like it oh well. I'd explain to her had it been different circumstances perhaps but having a melt down because she's being told no is not going to change anything....Your H is catering to it and it will continue until he STOPS.

So focus more on your H and his inability to say NO to his daughter and how he can agree to change this behavior because its hindering SD.

stepmominhiding's picture

I am disgusted with her behavior and the fact that dh caters to it.  Sorry but at the age of 14, and me talking her to stop it since ive known her since the age of 5 (9 years of me telling her to stop crying like a 2yo) she could have stopped.  Yes dh encourages it because he gives in, but good think with me comparing her to an infant for 9 years would make her realize that she needs to grow up.  I have 2 daughters her age, and they don't act like that at all.  She really could have picked up on the fact that she's the ONLY ONE that acts that way as well.... she is not intellectually/ emotionally handicapped in any way... I could completely understand if she was. I would have no problem with her behavior if that was the case. She only ever acts this way when dh tells her no or gets on to her about ANYTHING.  I 100% agree dh does have fault in this, but come on,  you can't tell me sd can't help this behavior.  She's not 2, she's 14. At what age is sd responsible for her own behavior?

Siemprematahari's picture

She really could have picked up on the fact that she's the ONLY ONE that acts that way as well..

I get what you're saying but remember SD doesn't care that "she's the only one that acts this way". Why should she if at the end of the day all she has to do is cry and daddy will fix & make it better.....because he ALWAYS does. She knows what she's doing and has mastered manipulating her father and playing him as a sucker because she can.....because he has allowed it. With teenagers if they can get away with it, they will continue to do it....especially if there are NO consequences.

CLove's picture

Does anyone remember this movie? Awesome movie. With that song by Culture Club. I digress.

As regards the Crying Games that SD is playing - I have a similar issue that I am dealing with right now. Munchkin SD13 has always been what we call "a cryer". Maybe she needs a new psudonym...I digress again, sorry. And for the last 5 freaking years, she will "cry to momma" and momeee will lash out at DH. Always. Every freaking time. Ill never forget the time Feral Forger and Crying Kid were at Toxic Troll BM's and Feral started telling Cryer that when she turns 18, Dadee will kick her out, because he only wants to be with CLove. What utter Bullchit. So Cryer cried, Toxic Troll texted DH "how could you be with someone so horrible..." etc. Ferals lies were exposed.

As time progressed, and Cryer decided to try crying to Feral, allegations of abuse were thrown around, and it became necessary to have a heart to heart talk with Cryer SD then 12. I had to be upfront that I will have to disengage from her if these crying to momma drama sessions continued. She swore up and down that she was not telling Toxic Troll or Feral that I abused her.

So, smart thing that she is, found  a loophole, she did. Dad hurt her fee fees the other night, and momma stuck her ugly head in there, and called DH a "cold-hearted bastard" told him "fuck u, for being rude!" when he simply wanted to address something regarding our cell phone account (that DH and I pay for) in the morning.

But her FEE FEES got hurt.

DH did not adress the crying to momma thing, just took care of erroneous phone charges. When Cryer got to our house Monday, it was all I could do to keep quiet. All my warm fuzzies froze. We worked hard to create an awesome bday weekend for Cryer and thats how it ended. So my Sympathy chip is totally burned out. Like completely!

Last night Toxic Troll actually picked Cryer up from school for a movie. It was cheapskate Tuesday. And lo and behold, Feral lost her phone, and TT decided to buy her a new one - so no movie for cryer! I certainly wont be organizing any of those except when shes at Toxic Troll.s

So done with playing the Crying Games.