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Today's Updates

Nymh's picture

On a completely unrelated front, I've been informed that I am arrogant at work. That has me kinda down. But on to the reason why I'm here! BM came and picked up SS to take him to an undisclosed doctor's appointment this morning. When she got back, she said that they had gone to the dentist and everything was fine. SS confirmed that he had been to the dentist. Let's just say that it was pretty obvious that SS didn't go to the dentist. Later this evening, our DCS worker came over. She told us that she was closing the case, but she was sorry that we had to deal with BM day in and day out. She tried to encourage me to take a parenting role and affirmed that I am a parental figure. And she said that she is so sick of hearing from BM - she doesn't see how I've stuck it out for so long. She encouraged us to report BM to DCS if she ever does something dangerous or takes SS out of counseling. I let it be known that SS had a doctor's appointment today which had been shielded under the guise of a dentist visit, but I was pretty sure he was going to see a counselor and BM just lied to us. We told her that BM will never tell us when or where SS is going to counseling. She said that that's not right, and as his father BF has every right to know - as a matter of fact, BM has an obligation to tell him - but since she obviously won't, the lady led us to figure out some "good places to look" to find out for ourselves.

After the DCS lady left, BF sat down with SS and said "You didn't go to the dentist today, did you?"
"No..." SS said.
"Did your Mom tell you to say you went to the dentist?"
"Did you go talk to a guy about your feelings?"
"No, I didn't say anything. I sat there and read my book. My Mom did all the talking," SS said.

BF is just smiling. It won't be long until the therapist realizes that BM needs therapy too...and that he's not really counseling SS, he's just listening to BM's problems. Hopefully soon they tell her she'll need to wait outside so they can hear what SS has to say.

She also called my employer the other night and told him that she would have come into the office to speak to him except for her conflict with me. She told him about how she thought that I had done unethical things to her son, and my boss explained how that was not possible. She told him about how if she ever did bring SS into our facility, she was afraid that I would see him. She confided in him that she was afraid that I would get SS's medical records from our facility. My boss told her that we not only have no medical records on SS, but that if we did and BF had requested them, as his father it is his decision whether he shows me or not; not only that, but any medical records that we might have would tell me absolutely nothing compromising about him or anything that I didn't already know about him, so she shouldn't worry about that.

My question is - why does she continue to hide SS's therapy from BF? Why is she so afraid of me seeing SS's medical records?


Anne 8102's picture

She doesn't want you to see anything because SHE'S THE MOTHER and you are NOT THE MOTHER. At least, that's the reason my skids' mom didn't want me to be privvy to any privileged info re: her kids. According to her, it was none of my business. I disagreed. I mean, two of them have serious learning disabilities. One of them still suffers from complications from a closed head injury incurred as a toddler. I kind of need to know this stuff, if they are going to be in my care. I think she just wanted to put me at a disadvantage, one, and she was being extremely territorial, two. It was bad enough that I had control over her ex-husband. She didn't want me having control over any facet of the kids' lives, too. It's got to be a control issue with her, Nymh. What else could it be?!

~ Anne ~

"Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after the other." -Walter Elliot

Nymh's picture

I think you're right - it is control and territoriality. One of her big reasons for threatening to sue for neglect every time we turn around is because BF occasionally leaves SS alone with me or other people he trusts when he runs out to the store or to do some work really fast. Her justification is that SS has "a lot of medical issues which we don't understand or know how to handle or treat". So I guess it would only stand to reason that she would want to hide SS's medical records from me so that she could continue to justify not trusting me to watch SS alone.

But that doesn't explain why she doesn't want BF to know when and where SS is in counseling...?

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

Nymh's picture

Something else I can't help but add - I love it how BM spills her guts to strangers about her son's medical issues and her drama with her ex husband...but when it comes to me it's all "none of my business". Perfect strangers know this kid's entire medical history and I'm not supposed to be so much as told when he's going to the doctor or she claims unethical conduct regarding a minor.

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

marika's picture

YOU just can't know the details because you might use it to, God forbid, take better care of your SS than she does. In fact, it might become even more obvious that she is totally incompetent!

Cruella's picture

My SKIDS BM took the 2 youngest children to a counselor in another country last year. According to Skids she told the counselor in front of the children a story about how she had to flee the US because she was getting beaten by DH. Total and complete lies without any proof or any merit. She only took the 2 youngest because the oldest would have told the counselor different. She had another man!!!! She is such a professional victim. She did that because she wanted the counselor to send an email to CPS and intimidate the children so that they will back up her story. It did't work and CPS saw right through her. First of all if my DH beat the children why would a mother leave 6 children with DH and run off with another man? Geesh.

My point is this is another angle for you SS BM so she can use as a weapon againt both you and BF. I think it will backfire on her but be careful. You don't need this counselor to believe everything she says and now BM has a possible ally to you against you. I am not sure if you have joint custody or not but in my opinion the BF's should have been notified of any "counseling session'. Isn't joint custody about each parent having the right to make decisions in medical and religious purposes?

OldTimer's picture

It's the sympathy, I'm a victim factor. When BM 'whines' her woe-is-me-dilemma to others, it's a pity me factor. The more she 'keeps from you' the better her position, and her 'truth' prevails. Take that mystery out of the equation, and she's got nothing. It's all she has left.

I agree with Anne about the territorial marking. It fits. I also agree that yes, she uses it as justification.

It's none of your business because, just like Anne said... your not the mom. She's so far in denial that you are a parent figure, that this is her way to justify it even more. It's just pure territorial tactics... it's what she knows, you don't and she wants to keep it that way... nothing more. It's a means to shut you out, you're 'not important' and this is just BM actually behaving it, physically acting out on it.

Wink StepMom

Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...

happy's picture

I personally do not understand all the control CRAP, because even though I get angry at my ex, his GF whatever, she is still a major part of my childrens lives and she needs to be included in it all. I am a secure person in my relationship with my kids, I am secure with knowing that they love me and that they know who mom is, I don't have to remind the GF I am mom, she knows it. Being that controlling is sad for kids. Think about the world in when we are all our parents age, all the dysfunctional people now, and like it will way worse when we are older. Unless people start growing up especially these mothers, who can't just be normal. I am totally as a BM personally sorry for all the crap you all have to go thru, and its not like once a week it is actually a daily hell you all have to go thru whether the kids are with you or her at the time. Its sad to me. These so called kids cannot even be kids, they are all having to deal with adult issues all the time. What happened to letting them be kids, letting them play cars and hang out with other kids and just have fun. No wonder there are so many kids without smiles and stuff...
Sorry I am rambling...

I have to ask did you all see the story on the parents who were so engrossed into Dungeons and Dragons, that they forget or did not feed there children. There 11 month old daughter was born at 6LB and at 11months only weighed 10 LB. And the boy not sure his age but was very tiny too. And the parents are saying they were just so into the game. OK CAN YOU SAY DEATH PENALTY? I can.. How sick.. Just had to share.. I watch Nancy Grace every nite...

" make sure you tell the people you love most EVERYDAY.. Its important not only for them to know but for you to tell.. Life is to short to be miserable..

Nymh's picture

I've seen the story and my thought on that is, they can blame it on the game all they want but if it wasn't the game it would be poker, or alcohol, or bowling leagues, or TV...

I hate it when people try to blame outside modifiers for BAD PARENTING! Be it drugs or games or whatever, the problem isn't the object, it's the parents who are too sorry to take care of their own children. I love fantasy and games and computers just as much as the next guy (and the next guy, and the next guy...) but letting it consume your life is just sorry. It just really bugs me to see these people trying to blame the game - the saying "don't hate the player, hate the game" doesn't apply because the game didn't tell them to neglect and malnourish their children, they're just stupid people!

*~So sayeth Nymh~*