On this (the other) side of the health issues: DH woke up
My DH has been, I'd say, 85% aware of his skids' BS through the years and has in the past regularly confronted them about their behavior toward me (always denied--the youngest breaks down in tears). Early on, he was in major denial, and for the first few years of our marriage, he was extremely manipulated by what have come to call the cult. That almost led to divorce. Several years later, his recent health scare/health issue/hospitalization was a total nightmare with the 3 skids coming to town to "help" i.e. run us over. In his half-conscious frame of mind, it appeared that they were so very kind, taking care of him (eyeroll--when they didn't have headphones in and hear him screaming for help or when they weren't napping or getting up with him at night) when in fact they were doing very little for him while making my life more miserable by the day.
Now that he is doing so much better, we have had some very long and honest talks about what occurred when he was barely conscious and/or sleeping most days. At the beginning, he was defensive (does that ever go away?) but he has now recognized the truth about his skids' CONTINUED crap behavior well into adulthood and their embarassing unwillingness to let go of their unjustified anger and resentment toward us as well as their unforgivable behavior directed toward me. He feels very hurt (again) about their behavior after leaving our home, but that's another long story.
We are heading back to his full recovery and healing and moving on with our lives with clearer eyes. Yes, they will always be "around" in the sense he might see them once a year, and he chats with them by phone when I'm not around, but they will never again be "around" my house. No matter what.