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Not all BM's fault

Kenna's picture

Initially I thought all of the Skids' bad behavior was to blame on BM being a shitty parent (becasue she is), and in my eyes SO was perfect (other than being a lazy parent)...but the longer SO and I are together the more I realize that a lot of their bad behavior comes directly from him. Ugh, wish I hadn't opened my eyes lol


AndSoItIs's picture

And once they're open and have seen what they've seen, you can't un see it. Damn it.

emotionaly beat up's picture

Nope you sure can't un-see it, but you can use this new found information to your advantage. Can't fix the problem if you don't know what the root of it is, now you do, you have a shot at fixing it. Good Luck.

3familiesIn1's picture

I came to this realization, its why I disengaged, I realized that DH chooses not to see any problem with his kids behaviour so of course there is nothing to correct. I was very very disappointed at first. Since we do not share any children together, it did seal it that I would not be sharing any with him. I did cut him out of parenting (if that is what you want to call it) my bios in any way so that he doesn't break my kids the way the skids are broken.

DH complains about the shitty parent BM is yet he is pretty much right there enabling along side of her. The small improvements in the upbringing of the skids is solely my doing, I see this more and more clearly as time passes, my changes are indirect as I have 2 bios here and things like diet which was a huge complaint of his where the skids are concerned is controlled not by him, but by me. If I wasn't here, the diet would be no different for the skids here than it is with BM - so I came to realize DH really is about equal to BM where parenting is concerned.

I no longer step in. If BM and DH want to raise broken children with no rules, then its fine. I see clearly now a child with DH would have been a huge mistake and could have broken our marriage. Since we share no children, DH is a wonderful husband and I am able to ignore his parenting as it has no real effects on me that disengaging hasn't resolved for the most part.

If his parenting changes to effect my husband-wife relationship - then I will have to go from there.

I do not respect DH as a parent, but I put that to the side and leave it alone now.