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"Guest" room

SeeYouNever's picture

We have a 3 BR house. When we moved in SD got a room but it was never really decorated. We tried to get her to pick stuff out but she wasn't interested. I figured if DH wanted it set up he could spend the money to do it. It became the SD/Guest room.


Back then SD never wanted to stay over she would sleep at our house maybe 3 times a year, other than that she would only agree to see DH during the day or we'd stay with my in laws, or she'd demand a vacation/hotel/resort stay. If she did stay at our house she'd just use her room to keep her bag and change in the bathroom and sleep in the living room (with my SIL who always wants to tag along) so she could watch TV all night. My MIL and FIL usually took The SD/Guest room when they visited at the same time as SD. 


This was the time SD agreed to see DH less and less, around when we got married but before we had kids. At this point she barely talks to him between seeing her every other month or so.


I have my first baby and she gets the other bedroom. Then I have my 2nd and my husband wants them to share to leave the SD/guest room available. I refuse because it's just easier for me as a parent to keep them separate. The rooms aren't huge. I didn't say it was because SD hardly stays over and doesn't need two full rooms while our kids have to share. Plus any other family guests we have are nothing but drama so I'd prefer if they get a hotel. We still have 3 couches if they need to stay. 


After the 2nd baby got the guest room SD didn't care. But boy everyone else did. For a long time now I haven't heard much about it. But after an outing with the in laws suddenly the topic is back. Hmmm. Methinks MIL and SIL complained that they and SD don't get stay over anymore. Suddenly DH is trying to convince me to move our kids together and giving me all these BS reasons like they can stay up talking, they will like it, it will be easier for me, etc... 


But I think the real reason is long ago DH said he wants SD15 to live with us while she goes to college so he wants to move our kids into the same room and open the guest room back up. I told him if he wants to do that he can make it happen. I know he won't but he's been pouting and continues to try to convince me with these lame reasons.


We have a huge unfinished attic that if finished could be an awesome masture suite and I told him he could do that if he wants to open up our room as a guest room. I know he isn't going to do that either.




JRI's picture

People are delusional if they think you should move your small children just in case someone visits.  Your DH has options, I'd ignore the crying.

ESMOD's picture

IMHO.. while they are minors.. there should be a "room" available.. but it doesn't have to be dedicated to the SK.  In your case.. for occasional visits.. I would have an extra bed in one of your children's rooms.. and have them bunk in together when SD visited.. or have SD bunk in with one of them.

If it got to the point where she was going to LIVE there.. she would need a room.. so either your DH needs to finish the attic.. or move.. or he advocates for the two younger sharing.. if SD will be there full time.. but for an occasional visitor.. I don't see holding a room open.

SeeYouNever's picture

The thing is there WAS a bed in the baby's room until she was about a year old. When we had a guest the baby slept with us or in there if it was my mom. It was my DH that wanted it put away, I was fine with it being in there. And SD was ok with it too.

I think he was annoyed that I used to go sleep in there when his snoring kept me awake.

IF SD is going to live with us this needs to be a concrete plan but if she doesn't speak to him for months at a time I don't think it's worth planning for this very remote possibility.

thinkthrice's picture

The "practically PASed out skid is diiiiiiiiiiiffffferent;  skid will waaaaaannnt to moooooove in with us"  (TM)

I remember this phase.  I call it the "Grasping at Straws" stage.   Chef would say this often although the HousesHitter (YSS) PASed out the fastest of all three and was the worst (with the Animal Torturer SD leading a close second)

"We should leave YSS's room available; he is DIFFERENT and will waaaaant to come live with us!!!"


Delusional!  Complete denial of the PAS even it said PAS walked up and popped daddykins in the nose.

lieutenant_dad's picture

"DH, here are a few solutions YOU can work through:

1.) Get bunk beds or a trundle bed for BK's room that SD can use when she stays over.

2.) Hire someone to finish the attic. You pay for it.

3.) Hire someone to add a room onto the back of the house. You pay for it.

4.) You rearrange our kids' rooms and move them in together, but I want what will be SD's room to also function as a flex room when she isn't here. It can be an office, payroom, etc. But I don't want both kids sharing a room and losing space for the 95% of the month SD isn't here."

I agree with ESMOD that minor children, even infrequent visitors, should have a space for them that isn't a couch in the living room. BUT, if they are visiting THAT infrequently where you're talking overnights only a handful of times a year AND they are teens, you make their space a flex space.

frustratedbonusmom's picture

oye... try to stand your ground.. I think if your kids live in your home fulltime they should have their rooms. Yes, DH might want SD to feel like she has her own space when she comes but if she isn't coming it becomes wasteful space. SD might just have to share her room or whatever you decide. 

Rags's picture

No, is the end of this conversation IMHO.

SD is not a regular visitor much less a resident. Residents, regardless of age, take precidence over non resident Skids on a visitation schedule. For damned sure resiedent children take precidence over a visiting Skid who refuses to visit.

DH needs to get off of his ass and finish the attic or.... get another job to afford to buy a bigger house.

Of course the down side to either is the increased possibility that SD will end up living with you while she attends college.