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BM's Take on Bedroom Assignments

CompletelyPuzzled's picture

It is close to the end of the school year. We are getting ready for SD7 and SD9 to come and stay with us. The SDs stay with us all summer, but part of this year, we will be spending with my parents. So they will only be in our home for about 6 weeks. We have a four bedroom house. I have a BD2 and a BS8. DH and I decided that the SDs will share one room. And, BD2 and BS8 will each continue in their own rooms. We talked with the SDs about the room assignments when we saw them for the wedding. We asked them how they wanted their room decorated. They gave us some ideas and were excited about having their own room b/c they have to share the room with their 2 other sisters at BM's house. Apparently, they went home and talked to their mom. She decided this wasn't good enough. She just sent DH an email about how unfair it is that her babies have to share a room and mine have their own. First of all, SDs are the only two kids close enough in age to share a room. My BD is only 2. My BS is 8. Its not like BS8 and SD7 can share a room. Plus, the SDs are only here 6 weeks out of the year! How does it make sense that they would not share a room? They have always shared a room, even when DH still lived in their home state. She is so ridiculous. In BM's house, all 4 girls share a room. And until recently, the entire family slept in one bedroom together!!

BM tried pulling this crap about how she is not going to send them to us if we are going to be unfair. I love that DH refused to engage her. He simply said, "BM, the room assignments aren't up for discussion. I will be there to get the SDs on June 13. I appreciate you having them ready." And he refused to say anything further. I just can't help thinking we will have to get the police involved on June 13. I know how she is.


CompletelyPuzzled's picture

Exactly. I find it funny how she is acting all righteous. The SDs were sleeping in the same bedroom as BM and their SF, along with 4 other siblings. It was brought to the schools attention and my MIL found out. Finally, DH made such a fuss that BM had the girls start sleeping in their own room again.

zerostepdrama's picture

She just sounds like she is trying to stir up trouble.

Ignore...Ignore...Ignore.... and it sounds like your DH handled it well. so good for him Smile

askYOURdad's picture

Meh, she's just grasping at straws to create conflict. Glad your DH wasn't taking the bait. She sounds like my BM, just mad/jealous that the SDs were excited about something that didn't involve her.

tabby yabba do's picture

Good for DH.

And to BM, a simple "We feel a $20,000 down payment is fair and would adequately suffice in helping us purchase a bigger and better house to allow SD9 and SD7 to have their own rooms. We accept cash or cashier's check only please. You can write it out to Mrs. CompletelyPuzzled."

twopines's picture

Who is SD6? And why make up something to tell the BM? And why on earth would BD2 eventually share a room with an SD?

twopines's picture

The psychology is fascinating. I've worked with hundreds of people, mostly women, and have never seen anything quite like it.

hereiam's picture

So, at BMs there are 4 of them sharing a room? But 2 of them sharing a room at your house is unfair. She should be embarrassed at how stupid she sounds.

There is no reason on Earth why these 2 sisters cannot share a room for 6 weeks, 6 months, for the next 6 years even.

I would not even have told the SDs, just decorated and when they showed up, tada! Lesson learned, in the mean time, ignore.

CompletelyPuzzled's picture

She has five kids, four girls and one boy and a two bedroom house. The girls share one room. BM, SF and their son share one room. It is against occupancy. We reported her, but nothing has come of it.

twoviewpoints's picture

I 'get' it. BM has her nose out of joint because she views your bio-kids being treated 'differently' than the stepkids. heck, if it wasn't this it would be 'BS8 got a bigger hamburger than SD9 did'. It's not about the rooms at all...especially considering BM herself has 4 kids in one room.

DH did well by not engaging at her whine. It is totally acceptable to think the two sisters, who are there six weeks, would share a bedroom in a home with 4 kids. OP did fine in asking about d├ęcor ect in their shared room and the girls will do perfectly ok. I'm big on being sure each child has their own space in a room if not their own room though. They each should have a bed, a drawer and a wall or shelf to put their individual 'special' things (a picture, a drawing, their diary, their book ...whatever).

These two usually sleeping with 4 will think just the two of them (bedtime giggles and whispering) will be a treat. BM is a fool if she withholds the children.

twoviewpoints's picture

My sister and I were that way as kids. We did each have our own bedroom but we rarely stayed in them alone. Mother always found us in the mornings sound asleep both in one room or the other. We were quite happy snoring away.

As to the OP, even if these were all DH/her own bio-kids the way they split the rooms between ages/gender the split OP chose is what I would have done. The 7 and 9yr old little girls would be the two that shared.