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BM's Obsession

CompletelyPuzzled's picture

BM's obsesssion with my DH has been obvious for some time.  She hates my DH and actively tries to sabotage his relationship with both SDs.  But in a weird twisted way, she also loves my DH and wants his attention. If you read my last blog, you saw that DH was going to let SD13 live with BM after the CPS allegations.  However, BM was also investigated and her house was deemed unlivable.  This is the second house that she has been kicked out of.  As a result, she lost her kids.  My SD13 came back to live with us.  SD16 went to live with an aunt.

 

After the CPS investigation, BM's current man left her.  Since then, she has cut most contact with SD13.  She has no income or place to live.  The last we heard, she was at her mom's house.  The problem is that she has suddenly tried to reestablish contact with my DH.  She has started texting him and leaving voicemails.  She claims to have some health problems.  She leaves DH detailed messages about it, because "she knows he still loves her and cares."  We both gagged at that.  He finally responded, telling her that it was unwanted  and inappropriate contact.  Then he blocked her.  Now, she is calling his work and mailing letters to the house.

We are going to ask the court for a restraining order because she refuses to stop.  At this point, I am not sure what else to do.  SD13 is devastated because her mom has disappeared again.  She doesn't know about the harassment but our biggest fear is BM showing up here.  I am not really looking for advice.  I just need to get this out.  I am 30 weeks pregnant and this is the last thing I need.

Comments

lieutenant_dad's picture

It's so annoying, isn't it? When you either blatantly know or deeply suspect that BM wants your DH?

BM here has done the same. Flirty, giggly little school girl when she wants attention and she's single/horny. I've caught her biting her lip at DH, and I just giggle. If she wanted him, she could have kept him. He loved her until she left, and it took him YEARS to get over it. But once he was done, he was done. Her cutesy tricks don't work on him, which is why she has switched it up to it being about "the boys".

A nice cease and desist letter with a warning about trespassing from an attorney would make an excellent Christmas present for your BM this year. I'd even tie a little bow around it so she knows you all consider her absence and silence a gift.

I do feel badly for her kids, though. What an awful example of what a mother should be.

tog redux's picture

BM here is the same - it's a common thing for Borderline Personality Disordered people to have a love/hate relationship with people in their lives.  They can want to ruin that person one day, and think they are the "one that got away" the next day.

BM here did everything she could to alienate SS from DH - but I'm convinced she'd take him back in a heartbeat.  Thankfully she gets no attention from him when she tries to get it. 

hereiam's picture

her house was deemed unlivable

Good Lord, what does that take? Quite a bit, I think.

because "she knows he still loves her and cares."

Hahahahaha! That's one thing, at least, that BM over here never claimed, as neither of them loved each other, in the first place.

Woman cannot take a hint, can she?

My DH does not care one iota about BM. If she died, he would care how if affected his daughter (now an adult) but other than that, he couldn't care less. He hasn't spoken to her in 10 years and certainly doesn't want to hear about her health problems.

Chmmy's picture

Poor kids. I hope she gives you some peace to enjoy your pregnancy. Restraining order sounds  like a good idea.

strugglingSM's picture

BM professes to all who will hear about how much she hates DH. She even told him recently, "I'm so ashamed that I ever married you!!!" Meanwhile, she is so desperate for his attention that it's clear that she really still has feelings for him. She wastes so much time and energy trying to get DH's attention that it becomes laughable. 

I regularly tease DH by saying, "every time, BM sends you a message, all I hear is "I love you!! Why don't you love me?!!"" He rolls his eyes. He tells me "she doesn't love me, she hates me." To which I reply, "when you hate someone, the normal reaction is to try to avoid that person, not to create new opportunities to interact with them." 

BM is married to someone else and has been since I've known DH, but she sure can't seem to move on. It's annoying for sure, but also gives me the perfect reason to laugh at BM's expense every time she sends another annoying message. 

Ispofacto's picture

Hate is not the opposite of love, indifference is.  Love and Hate are two sides of the same coin.  Both require an emotional connection and fixation.

When Satan would not stop calling my DH at work, he filed a police report for harassment.  He cited his work policy that forbids personal phone calls at work, and told the police his coworkers were complaining.  The police didn't want to be bothered, so he told them he would return every day until something was done about it.  So the police called Satan and told her to cut the crap.