MIL Please Go Away!
There is dysfunction, trauma, abuse, and boatloads of crazy in my DH’s family. For that reason, my DH and I have decided it’s not safe for our children to have a relationship with MIL. There is a lot more to the story, but I don’t want to tell it all right now. Just know that this decision was not taken lightly, and both of my SD’s therapists agree that MIL was dangerous to their mental health. One of the therapists actually threatened to call protective services if the SD’s were left alone with MIL when they were minors. This caused the domino effect of most of the rest of DH’s family to ostracize him (and me but I’m pretty sure they never liked me all that much anyway) and side with MIL. Some of them actually told DH they think MIL is in the wrong, but they will still side with her. Like I said boatloads of crazy. We have a few of DH’s family members that still are actively in our life, including MIL’s best friend. They are helpful loving and understanding to our situation and I’m grateful for them.
The point I’m getting to today is that MIL refuses to go away. SD18 decided she wanted MIL back in her life. Since then all sorts of problems have ensued. SD18 and BM are very friendly with MIL and IL’s. They are often on social media together. Invited to DH’s nieces’ weddings when we aren’t. BM initially agreed, actually pushed, to removed MIL from SD’s lives. BM thought MIL was dangerous too. Not anymore though, now they BFF’s. BM has told SD18 and MIL that I manipulated both of the SD’s therapists and BM to remove MIL. BM also claims she “knows” DH doesn’t want MIL out of his life but he has too because of me…ugh! MIL has told DH that she believes I’m a master manipulator and I talked the therapists into saying this was best for the SD’s. The truth is I never spoke to either therapist without my husband present. I rarely spoke to them at all in fact. The times I did meet with the therapists it was with BM and DH. I always felt like I was only there to try to understand what SD’s were going through and that my input (or frustrations) were not important in that forum. Reading this back I just get mad that I have to constantly defend myself like this….its an awful feeling to feel like I have to convince people that I’m not an awful manipulative bitch.
Back to the point. DH has made it clear to his mother and SD’s BM that he wants zero contact for SD13. He has made this clear dozens of times with BM. Every time she swears there is no contact. SD13 gets lots of mixed messages from SD18 and BM about MIL. I know she’s confused but we do our best to explain why MIL can’t be in our lives. MIL won’t quit though, she contacted SD13 via text message yesterday. SD13 didn’t tell us we found out by checking her phone. SD13 says she will block her and not respond again. She also says she doesn’t want a relationship with MIL right now. I wish there was something DH could do to keep her the f$@* out of SD13’s life. DH again made it clear to MIL and BM that he doesn’t want contact between MIL and SD13, but I know that won’t matter. I wish we could legally remove her somehow, it’s just so frustrating.
I’m really trying to separate my own feelings about this and just focus on how dangerous it can be for SD13, but I’m struggling. MIL is a threat to my marriage and generally just a really terrible person. The things she has said about me are among the most hurtful anyone has every said to me. Why can’t she just go away. Why can’t the pendulum swing toward me and why can’t good win over evil. I have a real fear SD13 will follow SD18’s lead and end up having a relationship with MIL (as an adult). I think this will cause DH and I to struggle to have a relationship with her (as an adult) and f&%$ I don’t want to lose her too. I’ve been her SM since she was 2 years old. I’ve given her my whole heart and loved her like my own. The pain is too much to think about. I know this likely falls under the category of things I can’t control but UGH….THIS SUCKS! I have so much darkness in my heart for these terrible people it eats me up! Why can’t good vs evil turn out like the movies