I’ve been able to dig in and keep my boundaries and remain no contact with SD18. It hasn’t been easy, DH makes me feel bad about it, but I’ve done it. DH has only seen SD18 once (now twice) since I went no contact. I know he is very angry with his daughter about her behavior and his way of dealing with these types of difficult things is to avoid them. I feel this exacerbates the problem because now SD18 feels I’m taking her father away when the truth is he doesn’t want to deal with her either. She is a manipulative, preditory, kind of scary person who has launched a very effective camp
Going NC with BPD SD18 has brought a lot of peace to my life and I know it was the right choice. Going NC with toxic IL’s has brought me peace as well and I know it was the right choice. I just have all of these leftover feelings.
So I ended up digging in on some things with DH.
I asked that he either confront dysfunctional IL’s or get rid of them on social media and phone. No movement on this front.
I asked that he begin to seek counselling specifically for dealing with SD18. He texted a great therapist we know that specializes in BPD but has yet to make an appointment. Baby steps but I’ll take it.
I have a constant argument going on inside...Am I asking too much...then I want to scream NO I'M NOT!
I feel like I’m told by DH often that I’m asking for too much. I think there may be some truth to this; I have high expectations of my partner....but do I really have expectations that are too high? I struggle to know if I truly am asking for too much or DH is a gaslighting butt munch. Sorry sarcasm is my coping mechanism.
I know this is strongly worded but it is how I feel.
I seriously just want to celebrate! I am confident I have cleaned up the last wall booger in my home. SD18 moved out almost a year ago (don’t judge; I don’t clean the walls in the basement very often) and she had a terrible habit of flinging disgusting boogers onto the walls and floors of our home. When we cleaned out her room after she left it was a booger den…so gross I made DH clean it up.
I need respite. I need a break from all of the ugliness SD18, her Mother, and MIL. I feel like it is impossible to get one. Almost like they take turns having a go at me.
There is dysfunction, trauma, abuse, and boatloads of crazy in my DH’s family. For that reason, my DH and I have decided it’s not safe for our children to have a relationship with MIL. There is a lot more to the story, but I don’t want to tell it all right now. Just know that this decision was not taken lightly, and both of my SD’s therapists agree that MIL was dangerous to their mental health. One of the therapists actually threatened to call protective services if the SD’s were left alone with MIL when they were minors. This caused the domino effect of most of the rest of DH’s family
Last night DH and I argued about SD18 again. I realized during the discussion that he is a major part of the problem and has made things far more difficult for me than he needed to.