Why doesn't my D17 believe me :(
I’m hurting today. My D17 shared with her friend all her frustration with me and the breakup of my marriage to toxic POS. The friend’s mom is a very good friend of mine and shared some of this conversation with me. D17 is upset because I’ve decided to move in with my boyfriend of over a year this summer. He has a D16 and she doesn’t think they will get along. She feels it will be awkward and she’s “not ready”. Her and I have had several conversations about this, and she has been given ample time to get to know BF’s daughter. Including two vacations together. I feel it would be good for her to have a couple of months in this living situation before she goes away to college. D17 has been resistant to getting to know D16 and BF (understandable with everything she’s been through). Especially in the beginning (she met them about 8 months ago) she was cold but not outwardly rude to both. Now she has created a situation where D16 is afraid of opening up and trying to get to know her. Their time together is spent with each on their phones awkwardly ignoring each other. I feel this will resolve itself because I think they are both nice kids that have a lot in common. I haven't pushed anything or forced her to be around BF or his D16.
Unfortunately, she also shared that she never saw anything bad about toxic POS ex. Implied to her friend that all I had shared with her mom was not true because “she never saw any of that.” This seems to be the theme of this breakup. Our mutual friends didn’t believe me either and sided with him. I lost them all, super painful but probably for the best. On the one hand I guess I’m grateful she didn’t witness the verbal and physical abuse, but on the other hand I really wish she believed me. ☹ Ironically, she complained about POS ex’s drinking and constantly embarrassing her all the time…now she has amnesia. When the breakup first happened POS ex was texting her often, but when she really needed him, he wouldn’t show up. Typical of him, he wanted her on his side to prove to our friends that I was the “bad guy” but he didn’t want to be there for her. I did eventually ask her to stop contact with him while we were negotiating our divorce. Mostly because I needed to be sure information wasn’t being funneled to him…I needed the separation. Now she says they have no relationship because of this, but the truth is it’s because he no longer needs her. This hurts and no amount of talking to her in the past seemed to help so I’m not going to talk to her this time….I’m just going to feel this pain and hope to move through it.