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Question and Curious as to How

FrustratedandLost's picture

I'd like to know how the Stepparents that left their relationships were able to get their finances in order? Did any of you have a joint bank account with their divorced spouse or did you keep your own bank account? If you had a house together, how did you get your name off the loan and the bills that went along with it? Were your spouses controlling about the finances and get offended and start manipulating you about the finances? How long did it take you to plan your exit? What steps did you take to leave and did you get any negativity from your family? Sometimes I go back and forth about what it would be like to be alone without having to deal with a DH that lets his kids act like miniwives to him and doesn't deal with anything. I have lived alone before and it was really nice to not have to worry about anything other than myself. So, I'm wondering how you guys did it? 

Thank you!


Survivingstephell's picture

Any joint accounts you can withdraw 50%.  Divert your paychecks into a new solo account asap.  Take him off any credit card in your name.  Report stolen if you need to.  More suggestions will be forthcoming.  

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Contact a lawyer to find out where you stand. If the mortage is in both names, the easiest thing to do is sell the house and split the profit. The only way to get your name off of the mortgage is for your spouse to refinance in his name only. Under no circumstances should you remove your name from the deed, unless your name is no longer on the mortgage.


Stepdrama2020's picture

We had joint for household and I guess I didnt read the fine print because in my ex DH eyes household account meant money to date and splurge on snot nosed SD. You know that love between daddio and his precious B.

What I did was withdraw 50 percent. Luckily the house was mine in my name. He didnt fight me on anything actually, surprisingly.

Start by getting your own account , if you dont already have one, and put half into yours.

Get a financial advisor, lawyer who can guide you.

Best of luck hun  Blessings

ESMOD's picture

It's best if you don't have joint accounts.. unless people use them for joint obligations only.. and still maintain separate accounts for the rest of the money.  

If you have a joint account.. you can withdraw.. all of it if you want.. lol.  BUT.. so can he.  The first thing my EX did when divorce talk started was he withdrew 100% of our joint account. .which unfortunately included a 20K bonus I had just gotten. ooof.. I immediately tore into him so bad and threatened him with the end of the world coming down on his shoulders if he didn't put the money back IMMEDIATELY.. that he actually did it.. haha.

So.. first steps are going to be obviously ensuring there is little to nothing that is yours in any joint accounts.. stop any direct deposits.. move your share of savings to an individual acct etc.. (this is actually smart.. even if you aren't planning on divorcing... joint accounts and steplife are difficult if all funds are comingled).

Figure out what is going on with the home... are you on the mortgage? the title/deed?  If so, probably best to sell in the divorce and split proceeds "fairly".. if you are not on the mortgage.. or deed?  you walk away with nothing.

If you are on the mortgage but NOT the deed.. that was not a smart choice.. since you own the debt but have no rights to the property.. seek legal counsel immediately!

It would be best to seek legal counsel anyway to get a handle on what obligations you may have to him and vice versa?.. any spousal support for either of you? how joint debts might be handled.. rights to retirement accounts etc.. 

but a first step is obviously unwrap checking and savings to the extent you can.. and sever any credit card joint accounts.. remove auth users etc..

Merry's picture

The only thing my ex and I didn't fight about was money, so my situation is unusual, but these were the steps.

We closed the joint accounts and established accounts in our own name. Our divorce decree set out the split of our assets, and I got the house and he got other things. I refinanced the remaining mortgage in my name only and had the house retitled in my name only.

The terms of the divorce were handled through our respective attorneys (and my attorney and I were better negotiators). If you have property, other assets including retirement accounts, debt, etc., you need to work through an attorney so that you are protected.